Tea Boy: A Deacury Fic

Chapter 56: Think About Therapy

-Freddie's POV-

"You don’t have to rush. You don’t even have to book it today. Just… when you’re ready. I’ll be here.", I whispered to him still holding him close. "It’s not that I don’t want to try… I just don’t know how. Feels stupid saying it out loud.", I heard him muffle against my chest. "It’s not stupid. Not even a little bit. You’re doing the hardest part right now — admitting you’re scared. That’s braver than you think.", I assured him.

He then wriggled his way up and asked shakily, "What if I mess it up? What if I sit there and can’t say a word?" "Then you sit there, it's fine, it's honest. You’re not going to get graded on how well you talk about yourself. Besides… I bet you’ll surprise yourself. You’ve surprised me more times than I can count.", I responded smiling at him.

He sighed and leaned back. "Why do you even stick around? I’m not easy to love.", he uttered. "Because love’s not supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to be real. I’m here because I want to be. I love you and not the version of you you think you’re supposed to be.", I explained and rubbed his hand. "…You make it sound simple.", John huffed. "It is simple. I love you and I’m proud of you. And I’ll walk with you through every step of this. However long it takes.", I softly said.

He sniffled a little and said, "Okay… okay. I believe you." "Good. That’s all I need." I then handed him a pamphlet containing plentiful information about therapy, and nudged his shoulder to give the establishment a call. He sighed and got up to dial the phone.

-John's POV-

"Lumina Therapy Group, this is Juniata, how may I help you today?"

"Hi I'd like to schedule in a therapy session....new patient yes....first name John last name Deacon....any time actually."

"Okay Dr. Everly will be your therapist, she'll be in at 10am, you're scheduled for 11am tomorrow. Thanks for calling in."

I hung up and went back to the couch, Freddie smiled widely at me. "Don't start." I warned him. "Don't start what?" he asked. "Don't start making it a thing. Just be glad I did it.", I bluntly replied. "I’m not trying to. But… it is something, John. I’m really proud of you."

Gosh do I hate hearing that.

"You know this just wasn't to satisfy you anyways.", I uttered. "I know. I’m still glad you did. Even if it felt hard.", he assured.

Hard? Is he serious right now?

"Hard? I wanted to hang up after ten seconds.", I huffed. "But you stayed on. That matters more than you think.", he reassured kissing cheek. "This feels stupid, like admitting something’s wrong with me.", I sighed. "It’s not stupid and you’re not broken. Just… tired. Hurt. That’s why you’re getting help.", he replied softly. "I really don’t wanna be this person forever.", I sniffled. "You won’t be. Not if you keep trying. Not if you let people care about you.", he reassured.

He was right through. As much as I don't want to, I have to try. "I don't even know how to even start this stuff anyways.", I muttered wiping my eyes. "That’s okay. You’re not supposed to know yet. You’re just supposed to want better for yourself. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Out of love.", Fred hummed gently stroking my hair. "I know that.", I bluffed. "And as much as I say it enough, I love you. I’m proud of you, whether you want to hear it or not.", he bragged. I grumbled a low "thanks" in reply.  "You know you don’t owe me anything. Just keep going. That’s enough for me.", he hummed. "I'll try.", I sighed. "How bout we go out for a little treat after your first session?", he then suggests.

What kind of treat does he have in mind? If it's something a bit stressful or not really my preference, I might have to pass.

"When's the next rehearsal?", I ask trying to change subjects. "Our last ones will be the 10th and 11th.", he replied. "And what kind of treat are you even suggesting anyways?", I probed. "Anything you want, as not as it's not involved things that start with A and S.",
he replied. What the fuck? It seems he isn't feeling well enough for intimacy. I'm curious about the reasons behind it. Perhaps he has something he would like to share regarding his reluctance to be intimate?

"Well it's up to you after tomorrow. I have no clue.", I sighed softly. "Oh great, since I brought it up, I'll definitely think of something.", he gleamed. "Fine." I got up and walked back into the bedroom.

As much as I need this, I don't think I'm ready for this session tomorrow. I don't want to go, but I have to go.