Rookie 2 | Ethan Ramsey

Chapter 21~ Control

Control

"The pain will pass away."
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⚠️Warning: Sensitive Content

"I'm saying I'm done pretending...I need you, Rookie."

The term he had used to acknowledge right from her first day was once condescending.

But a year and a half later, sitting in his car after a wreck of a day, Ethan was using that term, which was now out of endearment, intimate, a nickname reserved for only him to use when they were both alone.

He was using it to tell her how terrified he had been of losing her. He was using it to tell her how much he needed her.

She stared at him not blinking once, even when the lightning followed by thunder crackled through outside the shelter they were in. Ethan's eyes stared back at her without any hesitance, desperate longing etched at the compass of his blue eyes.

"I need you too, Ethan."

Her voice came out barely over a whisper, and yet despite the heavy rain that surrounded the car, he heard those words perfectly.

Ethan placed his car in parking gear, but made no move to open the doors. When he turned back to Blue, fresh new layers of shimmering tears were in his eyes.

"Ethan..." she breathed out, inhaling sharply at his glassy eyes. She had only seen Ethan cry a few times, but the ones that broke her the most was when it was because of her. She remembered how he had broke down next to her when she was in her 'deathbed'.

"Don't worry, I'm not sad...just overwhelmed. What you said that night in the hospital got me thinking. The idea that I'd never touch you again...it was almost more than I could bear." Ethan told her, letting a tear slip out again as he hastily wiped it off with the pad of his thumb.

"Blue, you know what I was like when I first met you. A cynic. A bully sometimes. Burned out on seeing new interns come through every year and make the same mistakes." he continued. Blue swallowed the lump in her throat, drawing a cheeky smile on her face. "I like to think I made some brand new mistakes, thank you very much." she sassed.

Ethan could not help but chuckle at that. "Your mistakes were creative than most, I'll give you that." he responded with a fond smile, which faded when he continued.

"When I thought you wouldn't be on my team, that I wouldn't be responsible for your development as a doctor, I thought maybe there was a chance...If the only thing at stake was my reputation. When I had gotten a brief peek of how life with you would be in those three days neither of us were bounded by Edenbrook's contract, there was nothing more that I wanted in my life. Those three days were the happiest days of my life, though I had no job, though Naveen was still dying. But I had you, and you made them even better by saving him."

He took a deep breath, trying to anchor his voice by looking into her attentive green gaze. "...But once you joined my team, I worried it wouldn't be fair to you. That I wouldn't push you the way you'd need to be pushed. That I will let my feelings for you get in the way."

"And I couldn't stand the thought that someone might suggest you slept your way into the diagnostics team. You earned your place, and I thought I was strong enough to hold back my feelings to support your career. But now that I've spent time worrying about your life, I just can't bring myself to care more about any of that." he said.

"That is...if you feel the same way..." he added hesitantly.

Ethan reached his hand towards Blue, his fingers grazing over her jawline to cup her cheek. His aquamarines were still blurry with unshed tears, and yet the longing in them were very much evident. He leaned imperceptibly closer...