Happy Endings || Andy Biersack

22. Forgiveness

The following morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and kind of happy. It had been a long time since I'd awoken feeling like this and I knew it was credited to Andy's embrace as I slept through the night. The side of the bed where he'd lied was still warm and it filled me with a renewed hope. I sighed into the pillow, wondering where he'd gone off to and if he'd thought of last night as a mistake.

As if on cue to my waking up, Jax started crying, his whines floating through the baby monitor. I sighed, tossing the warm comforter off of me and getting up. I was still in the same clothes from last night, now wrinkled from sleep. Quickly, I changed from them into a pair of black leggings and a cute loose tank top. It was an old band t-shirt that I'd stolen from Andy and cut into a tank. After wearing it so much and washing it several times, the shirt had lost his smell, but the comfort of knowing it was his remained.

I walked into Jax's room down the hall. As soon as his blue eyes landed on mine, his cries turned into small whimpers. His eyes were tearless and a grin spread onto his face as soon as I lifted him into my arms.

"Morning, love," I cooed. His slight dimples were prominent as he smiled at me.

He strung together a sentence of misplaced syllables as I laid him down on the changing table. The baby books said he'd be speaking his first words soon and I was eagerly waiting for him to mutter something intelligible.

After changing his diaper, I carried Jax down the stairs and buckled him into his stroller. I slipped my feet into one of the pairs of Ugg boots I'd mindlessly left lying by the door. Hades ran toward us, his large paws slapping against the hardwood floor. I hooked his leash onto his collar and headed outside. 

Even though it was only late March, the weather had brightened considerably. It was southern California, so everyone was already stepping into their bikinis and denim shorts. I reveled in the weather. I loved winter, but being able to be outside without layers of covering on was nice.

After making a trail through the neighborhood and a quick stop at the dog park, we trekked home. It was only moments after Hades was greedily eating his breakfast and I was preparing Jax's bottle in the kitchen that Andy's Escalade pulled into the garage. 

Andy entered with two Starbucks drinks in his hands and pastry bags hanging from his teeth. Kicking the door closed with his foot, he set the drinks on the kitchen counter and removed the bags from his mouth.

"I, uh, got you a coffee and one of those lemon bread things," Andy murmured, handing me my usual frappuccino and one of the bags.

I smiled gratefully, taking the gesture more seriously than I probably should have. "Thanks."

He nodded, picking up Jax from his high chair and into his strong arms. Watching Andy with Jax always sent a wave of adoration through me. The two were just so alike and seeing the way Andy doted over our son was adorable.

As he passed by me to grab Jax's bottle, the scent of cigarettes hit me. A minty aroma clung to it, as if Andy had popped a breath mint in an attempt to hide the smell. The red and white box peeking out of his front pocket gave his secret away, as well. Andy was cute, but he wasn't good at keeping secrets. I wasn't sure if he was unbelievably transparent or if I just knew him too well.

He'd quit smoking before Jax was born, only falling back into the habit when he was stressed out. I couldn't find it in myself to be upset over him smoking. What right did I have to be mad at him when I was the reason he was stressed out? It wasn't the cigarettes I was perturbed by, as much as what they meant. The fact that he was thinking about things could be good or bad. It could mean he was considering how we could resolve things, but he could also be thinking about the best way to give me the divorce papers. Merely the thought of the latter scenario sent me biting the skin on my lip in anxiety.

"Did you sleep well last night?" Andy asked. 

I had to stop the look of shock on my face. It was the first time he had posed a question to me in weeks and it took everything in me not to show how surprised I was.

Glancing over at him, I sent him a soft smile. "Yeah, thanks for... you know."

"No problem," he muttered, returning his attention back to our son.

The room was silent, except for Jax suckling at his bottle and Hades' tongue slapping against his water bowl. I pulled at my lemon pound cake, popping pieces of the sweet pastry into my mouth. Icing-covered bread and a sugary iced drink probably wasn't the best way to start my day, but they were so delicious. However, I could feel Andy's eyes on me and it made me self-conscious.

For the millionth time, I wished I could go back to when things between Andy and I were easy. Having to walk on eggshells around him was unbearable.

Jax finished his bottle and after burping him, Andy put Jax in his bouncer and put one of his shows onto the TV. I watched as he returned back to the kitchen, taking a sip of his pumpkin spice latte. The high pitched noises from the animated characters in the show bounced into the room, making the awkwardness between Andy and I even more permeable.

"I hated seeing you cry, starlight," Andy stated, all of a sudden. This was the first time he'd called me starlight since he'd come back home a week ago. "Was it because of me?"

I shrugged, looking down at the counter. "It wasn't just you. I.. I went over to Matt's." Andy stiffened next to me. "I told him that I just wanted to be friends with him and nothing more. He told me that he didn't want to just be friends and it really hurt. I guess I was hoping I could fix things so it would all go back to normal. But, I don't think it will."

"I'm sorry," Andy frowned, pulling my hand into his.

"Why? You should be happy that Matt isn't in my life anymore."

"Not if it makes you sad. I don't like him, but I want you to be happy."

"You don't have to say that, Andy," I smiled sadly.

"I mean it, babe, honestly. You're happy for me when I tour, even though I know it sucks for you to stay behind. It's not fair for me to be so harsh. I'm not saying what you did was right, but I haven't been very fair. I should have let you explain what happened. I was just so mad and I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?" I almost laughed. "I'm the one you caught kissing some other guy. I'm the slut."

"Don't talk about yourself like that, Hailey," Andy replied, a slight anger in his eyes. "You aren't a slut. I know we can't move past everything that happened easily, but I want to try. Just promise me you won't do that to me again."

"Never," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. That was the biggest mistake of my entire life."

"I know, starlight." Andy nodded, pulling me into his arms. "And, I'm sorry for the way I treated you too. I love you, and I'm sorry if I don't show you it enough."

"You do," I assured, fighting back tears. I hated that he was blaming himself for my actions. There weren't any more ways he could show his love for me. Andy was perfect to me. "I love you too."

I placed a gentle kiss on his lips, feeling like I was in some cheesy romantic comedy. The plot was wrapping up and the main characters had finally found their way back together. Everything felt cliche and scripted, the luck I had too unbelievable. Andy was actually forgiving me after the horrible things I'd done and I was determined not to fuck it up again. In movies, the characters would never fail to reunite, the screenwriters finding implausible ways to make them fall in love again. However, this was real life, and I only had one shot.