Happy Endings || Andy Biersack

23. Bulletproof Heart

After our words of forgiveness were spoken, it was like everything reverted back to our version of normal. Andy went back to sleeping in our bed and we kissed and cuddled. It was like nothing ever happened; however, I knew that wasn’t true. There were lapses of silence where a tenseness still shook the household. Andy glanced at the screen of my phone when someone called. I could tell it wasn’t intentional, but it still kind of hurt. 

It was all from the loss of trust. I had caused it to come crashing down and now, it would only take time and effort to build it up again. 

Andy and I attempted to solve our issue of trust by living our everyday life. We'd get coffees in the morning and take Hades to the dog park. Jax would spend his days with Andy and I, playing with his toys, watching his favorite shows, or crawling around on the nearby indoor baby play gym. Somedays, I'd go into the studio, producing with Matt and learning from Gabe's advice. Matt wouldn't speak to me and I accepted it. It hurt, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. If Matt didn't want to be friends, I couldn't change that. And I wasn't going to change my mind about choosing Andy over him. It was hard to deal with his cold shoulder when we worked side-by-side almost everyday, but I was slowly growing used to his attitude.

Winter had completely faded and spring set in, coating California with a few stray rain showers, but mostly bright sunshine. The roads near our house grew busy again as tourists found their way to the beaches. The warm weather and crashing waves beckoned. 

Andy and I were lucky to live only a few miles from one of the many beaches in Orange County. We drove to Newport Pier and let our toes sink into the warm sand. Jax was entranced by the feeling of the cool blue water licking at his feet. We kept a close watch, always keeping a hold on him when he neared the sea. With his exuberant crawling and splashing, Jax always returned home soaked with ocean water and caked in sand. 

Some days, we spent time with Sammi and Jinxx. They'd moved back in together, fixing what had been broken by deception. I tried to copy their example, hoping Andy and I could patch things up fully at some point. I was amazed at the progress we'd already made after my idiotic mistakes, but I knew things weren't back to normal. As picture perfect as we seemed, we weren't entirely happy. 

I missed the days where things flowed easily, similar to the languid movement of a river. Andy's jaw didn't tighten when Matt's name was mentioned and I never wondered if things between us were okay. Because they were. Before, things between us were always amazing. It was never a question. Even when we fought, there was a comfort in knowing that it wasn't a permanent emotion. Things would blow over and everything would be fine. 

I had know idea how long this state would last, but my unsure emotions were beginning to eat at me.

The day had been eventful. The morning had been filled with relaxing and our usual everyday schedule. For dinner, Andy and I had met our friends at The Stinking Rose, one of our favorite restaurants. CC had brought his new girlfriend, Lauren, and she was amazing. Our table was filled with enough obnoxious laughter to piss off the whole restaurant but we didn't care. 

Andy and I had left Jax at home with a babysitter named Lily. She was a sweet 17 year old who lived down the street. It had been hard to leave our son behind, but I had to admit that the break was nice.

After a while, Sammi and I escaped to the bathroom together, living up to the stereotype girls were known for. We touched up our make up and discussed our guys.

"Do you think Andy and I are being weird?"

Sammi narrowed her eyes. "No, you seem fine. Why?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I'm just worried he still doesn't trust me."

"It doesn't seem like it, Hail. Maybe it's you that doesn't trust yourself," Sammi suggested. "Have faith in who you are, okay?"

I nodded, accepting the hug from one of my best friends and returning to the table.

Ashley's lone wolf status was prominent tonight, now that CC was tied down. Ash and CC had been the dynamic duo, the sluts of the group. I knew Ashley really didn't mind, but I hoped that he'd soon find someone to settle down with, as well.

The night was filled with drinks and laughs and conversation. I felt like I'd been wrapped up in my own life, with Jax and everything that had happened between Matt, Andy, and I. I'd been caught in my own drama and forgotten about some of the greatest friends I could ask for.

Andy and I enjoyed the night with our friends and the delicious food. Andy ordered the blue cheese steak ravioli, his favorite dish. The way he drooled over it when the waiter brought it over was almost concerning. With the help of our friends' unending humor and the light conversation, I forgot about all of my worries.

That is, until we got in the car. The drive home was quiet. Andy laced his fingers through mine, rubbing his thumb against my hand. The silence could have been comfortable, but it only made me return to thoughts of Andy and I's relationship. Maybe I was making it all up, my mind simply anxious and paranoid. Maybe I just felt guilty and as though I didn't deserve Andy's forgiveness. I wasn't sure why I was so hesitant about our relationship, but I was just so determined for us to go back to how we were. Maybe I should have been focused on moving forward instead.

We returned home, paying Lily and relaxing after the eventful evening. Jax was sleeping soundly in his crib down the hall and Hades was lounging lethargically on the carpet near the master bedroom's unlit fireplace. Andy and I were laying in bed, having changed into our pajamas, as I watched a show on Fuse and Andy read a book. I couldn't help but think of some middle aged married couple who laid impassionately beside each other as though a wall separated them. 

Sighing, I turned to Andy, ignoring the ex-wives of rocks' drama on the TV screen. Feeling my eyes on him, Andy gave me a smile, turning to look at me. He slid his bookmark in to keep his place and set the book on the night stand.

"Starlight?" he asked, his blue eyes curious and soft.

I didn't know what to say, instead blinking at him for a moment with a slight frown on my face. Words were caught in my throat and I wasn't sure how to word them without sounding like an idiot. Instead, I buried my face in his chest, feeling his torso vibrate with a light chuckle. His arms encircled me and he kissed my head.

"What's wrong?" Andy questioned.

"I don't know," I mumbled into his shirt. "Things just aren't... normal."

Despite my quietness and directing the question into the cotton clothing, Andy still heard me. He pulled back, gazing at me sadly.

"I don't know what you mean," Andy stated.

I quickly explained the distance that I felt between us and how I wondered if things would ever go back to normal. 

Andy placed a gentle kiss on my nose, twirling the ends of my hair through his pale fingers.

"Do you trust me, starlight?"

"Of course," I replied.

"Well, then trust me when I say that I trust you. Trust me when I say that I know things will be okay. Trust that I forgave you because I knew you deserved it. Trust that it just takes time." I nodded reluctantly at his profound words. "We're going to be fine. We are fine. Everything is fine. You know why?" I blinked at him, staying silent. "Because I love you and you love me. I trust you and you trust me. No matter what, that's the way we're going to be."

"That rhymed," I giggled.

"Shut up."

I smiled, feeling the gap I'd been nervous about closing. Andy was right. He and I were going to be okay. I kissed him, letting his tongue chase mine. Pulling back, I cuddled closer to him.

"So we're still bulletproof?" I whispered.

"We'll always be bulletproof."

So, this is kind of the end, but not really. Basically, from here on, the story is going to be a series of futuretakes. I'm going to be time-jumping around, but it will still be chapters of HE.