Kpop boyxboy Oneshots

Hyungwonho / Monsta X / Sad

Requested by @cutebabywafflessnow

For Ren because they managed to end my mental breakdown and stop my crying fit. I love you and thank you for caring.

Hoseok.

Sometimes Hyungwon wants to cry. Just scream and let out his feelings. But then again he just wants to lie in bed and never get up again. That's not an option though. Hyungwon still has a job. He has his hyungs. He has his fans. Responsibilities.

But Hyungwon also has depression and a boyfriend that had to leave their band due to false accusations. A boyfriend that had to leave him. Basically, Hyungwon doesn't have a boyfriend, he has an ex-boyfriend. And Hyungwon knows his happiness should only depend on himself, that's the only way to ever really be happy. But his mind can't focus on anything but Hoseok.

Is Hoseok happy? Probably not. That makes Hyungwon even sadder. Of course Hoseok isn't happy. It's not like he had a choice. It's not like he wanted to leave Hyungwon. It's not like Hoseok just decided to erase himself out of Hyungwon's life.

Hyungwon doesn't cry, he doesn't scream, he doesn't move. Instead he keeps staring blankly at the ceiling. After all the crying and screaming and whining Hyungwon has already done, there's nothing left inside of him.

Hoseok has taken Hyungwon's heart, together with his emotions. Hoseok left. Now Hyungwon is empty. But that's okay. Hyungwon wouldn't want anyone else to take his heart anyways. He'll just keep on falling into the abyss of nothing. Absolutely nothing. In the end, that's what it's all about.

~

Changkyun glances one last time at Hyungwon before he quietly closes the door. Hyungwon hasn't even noticed that someone has been watching him for the last few minutes.

It's scary. Like Changkyun's hyung just disappeared and left behind some kind of zombie doll. The way Hyungwon was lying there, motionless and just staring into space is not an unusual sight anymore, it's quite frequent. It's like Hyungwon loses himself more and more.

Changkyun doesn't know what to do. Yes, he and his other hyungs also aren't doing perfectly fine, but they're okay. They keep on living and doing their thing. Life goes on, it has to. But not for Hyungwon. It stopped and it can't seem to continue. Changkyun is scared. That's why he just walks straight to the next door in their dorm.

"Min?" Changkyun knocks again. "Minhyuk?" More knocks. Maybe Changkyun has to annoy his hyung out of his room or something like that.

"Minhyuk!"

"Huh?" Minhyuk opens the door, hair messy, eyes swollen, lips slightly parted. Oops. Seems like Changkyun just woke up his hyung. A quick glance to his watch shows Changkyun that it's already 2 am. Changkyun quickly decides that Hyungwon's well-being is more important than Minhyuk's sleep.

"Hyung?"

"Changkyun?"

"I don't think Hyungwon is doing okay."

Minhyuk sighs. "He really isn't fine, is he?" Changkyun shakes his head. Minhyuk pats Changkyun's hair. "Go to bed, hon, hyung will manage, okay?"

Changkyun nods, tearing up a little. Gosh, he's a grown man, and still, his hyung manages to make him feel like a child. "Okay," he mumbles, wiping away the stray tear on his cheek. Minhyuk ruffles his hair once again, before he disappears in Hyungwon's room.

Hyungwon is still spaced out when Minhyuk enters. Without saying anything, Minhyuk lies down next to his dongsaeng.

To be honest, he's not awake enough for a serious conversation and Hyungwon doesn't seem to be ready for one either, so Minhyuk just pulls him into his arms. At least when they're lying like this, Hyungwon doesn't have to sleep alone.

"You miss Hoseok, don't you?" Minhyuk mumbles, carding his fingers through Hyungwon's hair. Hyungwon just nods.

Yeah. Hyungwon misses Hoseok a lot.

~

Hoseok's lung tightens. Minhyuk just texted him. Originally, the seven of them had to literally sign a paper that they wouldn't keep in touch. No texting, no calls. No communication. Just in case, Minhyuk and Hoseok had exchanged phone numbers - in secret. No one knows. They exchanged their numbers in case of an emergency. If this isn't an emergency, Hoseok doesn't know what is.

Hyungwon. Hyungwon isn't doing well. Not at all. Hoseok had hoped his love could move on with his life and maybe get over their relationship with the help of the band, but apparently his dongsaeng keeps losing himself to his depression - because of Hoseok. Because Hoseok decided to leave. Minhyuk's text message is simple.

Come here as soon as you can. He needs you. He keeps isolating himself. So please, try.

Hoseok knows there's more to it, otherwise Minhyuk wouldn't have texted. And of course Hoseok can't not come. It's 1:30 am. And still, for Hyungwon, Hoseok would do anything. Even if that means leaving his warm and cozy bed in the middle of the night. Anything.

~

Hyungwon can't sleep. Minhyuk is still there, not leaving him alone, but to be quite honest; Hyungwon doesn't care.

Just make it stop. Make all of this stop. Just let me escape.

They're too loud, Hyungwon's thoughts are too loud.

A strained breath ruins the peaceful silence. Hyungwon starts to work himself up. More strained breathing. Nothing but his heartbeat in his ears. Hyungwon can't see.

Just end it. Just end this misery.

Hyungwon starts to scream. He doesn't hear it. He can't. So Hyungwon starts frantically moving his hands around, trying to keep everything - everyone - away from himself.

Hands grab Hyungwon's wrists. Hyungwon is too weak to shake them off, too exhausted mentally as well as physically to actually do something. Instead he curls into himself, hugging his knees.

Hyungwon is lost. Lonely.

Strong arms wrap around Hyungwon's shivering body. A scent starts to invade Hyungwon's senses. That scent... Lemon and soap. Hyungwon blinks a few times, eyes teary, before he sees Hoseok. It is Hoseok that has his arms wrapped around Hyungwon, Hoseok that is combing through his hair, Hoseok that pulls Hyungwon into his embrace.

It's Hoseok.

Hoseok is here.

Hyungwon grabs fistfuls of Hoseok's soft hoodie.

Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave.

Calm hands guide Hyungwon's cramped up fists to a muscular chest. An even heartbeat and slow breathing. Hyungwon tries to copy.

It takes a few tries and a little more panicking for Hyungwon to finally calm down, slumping into the familiar warmth as soon as his body relaxes.

"Hoseok," Hyungwon mumbles, his weak voice almost drowned out by the sweater's fabric, "I'm sad."

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1079 words

possibly a part 2 for this one :) but i gotta keep up with the schedule because i'm a lazy idiot