Family Troubles || Redlyn

Friends, Please?

Big Red's POV

I haven't been able to look Ashlyn in the eyes for a week. I want to, but I can't. Part of it's because she's avoiding me, but I'm avoiding her to. If the two of us were alone, we would undoubtedly kiss. Or I would kiss her, she might be smart enough to think straight.

But I'm in love, I really can't think straight, and I've been really scared this week. That might sound dumb. Maybe it makes sense I'm hurt, but scared? It sounds weird. But I really miss her and I'm nervous things won't work out.

I'm waiting for her, I will. But I really don't want to have to. But there's absolutely no way I could get over her.

"Ricky?" I asked my best friend during lunch, turning away from Ashlyn as I stole a glance at her. I wasn't proud of how horrible I was at acting like there was nothing left between us.

"What's up?"

"You're pretty good with the whole love thing, how do you get over people? But, like, don't actually get over them."

"What does that even mean?" He asked, rightfully confused.

"You know, when you and Nini weren't together, how did you handle it? I know you tried to get her back, and I'm glad it worked of course, but... when you weren't together, how did you... stop yourself from... always thinking about her? If she was in the room, would you just... not be able to focus?" I finished, snapping my eyes away from Ashlyn.

I really have to stop, but I really, really love her.

"Things get easier. I don't know what I did, things just happened." He shrugged. "Wish I could help more, but... I can't really."

"Thanks anyways..." I trailed off. "I'll be right back."

"See you later."

"Yeah." I nodded, getting up and walking into the hallway. I sat against the wall, crying slowly into my hands. "Just wait a little longer." I told myself quietly. "She'll be there, she'll still love you, she doesn't find this any easier than you do." I convinced myself.

I may have convinced myself this too much.

I want her to find it easy, I thought, I don't want her hurting because of me. She should be happy while we're apart, not pining over me. She doesn't need a guy.

But I don't need a girl, either, I just need Ashlyn. Someone you love is different than just having someone to date.

"Um... hey." Ashlyn sat next to me.

"A- Ash... lyn?" I stuttered, making sure it was her as I lifted my head out of my hands.

"Yeah..."

"What are you doing here?" I asked nervously.

"You looked upset, then I saw you leave, and... well I didn't want you to be upset, so... I came out here..."

"Thanks, I'm fine." I lied. This wasn't a problem I could pour on her.

"You don't really look fine, you were just crying."

"But I'm fine now, it was dumb."

"Feelings aren't dumb, hon—" she cut her self off, looking down. I looked down too. "You know I miss you?"

"I know." I confirmed. "I miss you too."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." I wiped a load of tears off my face. There was a brief silence. "We should—"

"Lunch, we should get back to lunch."

"That's what I was saying." I nodded. It wasn't a lie, but of course there were tons of other things I'd rather say to her in that moment. "Ash, I, um... friends, please?"

"I'm sorry... I can't do that..."

"This is killing me, I need to be able to see you."

"That defeats this whole thing. We wouldn't be allowed to be friends." She said.

"So we only talk at school."

"You don't get it..."

"No, I really don't." I nodded.

"I know exactly how you're feeling, okay?"

"I don't think you do."

"Trust me, I do. I'm sure we feel pretty much the same. I have my reasons, and we can't be friends right now. I'm not making you wait."

"But I can't... not wait." I protested.

"Then please just wait!" She said, walking into the lunchroom.

"I should eat." I sat back down by Ricky.