Ocean Waves Of Misery

Chapter Thirty

The silence is defeaning. Nakatikom ang bibig ko habang pinapanood si Sky na nililinisan at ginagamot ang sugat ko sa braso. Parehas kaming nakaupo sa kama, magkaharap, habang ang mga gamot ay nasa pagitan naming dalawa. I swallowed the bile on my throat as I continue to watch his every move.

He looks so extremely serious with his furrowed brows and clenched jaw. His lips are on a very grim line too which made him more dangerous looking. Mariin ang tingin niya sa sugat ko at kung hindi ko lang siya kilala, iisipin ko na galit siya sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko sa sarili.

But I know, through his eyes, that aside from rage, he just feels so stressed and worried about how things has turned out to be for the both of us. Alam ko dahil kahit ganito man kariin at kaseryoso ang awra niya, nananatili namang marahan ang hawak niya sa akin na tila ba isa akong babasaging kristal. It was like he doesn't want to hold me tightly because he's too afraid that I'd broke.

I bit my lower lip. Inisip ko ang lahat ng nangyari-- kung paano kami napunta rito at kung paano kami humantong sa ganitong sitwasyon. Sobrang bilis na kahit ako, hindi makapaniwala na dinaranas na namin ito ngayon.

One day I'm happy and on the next day, I'd just find myself cutting my own arm.

Sky remained silent as he gently treat my wound. Nilapit niya pa ang mukha upang hipan iyon habang naglalagay ng gamot.

"Masakit..." namamaos kong sinabi nang makaramdam ng kaunting hapdi. Kaya ko naman iyong tiisin ngunit gusto ko lang din talagang mabasag ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin.

"Why would you do something that will hurt you in the end?"

Natahimik ako. I felt a sting on my chest, the reason why I looked away, too afraid that the pain will reflect on my eyes.

"Gising na si Aeshna at ikaw kaagad ang hinanap kaya may mga kumalabog at nabasag sa labas. She thought you're still with Riley so she attempted to go to you even if her body is still not totally recovered. Sinabi kong nandito ka at maayos na kaya medyo kumalma siya at nakumbisi kong magpahinga na muna. I think she's asleep now," aniya.

Tumango ako. Napanatag ang loob ko nang malamang nagising na siya. Bukod kay Sky ay siya lang naman ang pangamba ko sa mundong ito.

"I'm happy that she's finally okay," I said huskily.

"Yeah, and her friend is right in front of me, physically fine but is now indifferent of her life."

"I'm sorry," sinsero kong sambit.

"Don't be sorry for the things you're not regretful about," malamig niyang sambit.

Napalunok ako. "I'm saying sorry because I hurt you."

He glanced at me for a while. Kita ko ang paglambot ng ekspresyon niya sa mukha nang sandaling tignan ako. He sighed heavily as he looked away. Tinapos niya muna ang ginagawa sa braso ko bago iyon maingat na ibinaba at ibigay sa akin ang buong atensiyon.

I pursed my lips. "Alam kong galit ka kaya humihingi ako ng tawad. I don't want us to be like this--"

"Galit ako sa sarili ko, hindi sa'yo," putol niya sa sasabihin ko sana. "I'm mad at myself because I wasn't able to do something and until now, I'm still in rage because of how useless I am. I couldn't even help you." Nabasag ang boses niya habang sinasabi iyon.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa braso ko. I stared at him as he stared at my arm. Ramdam ko ang kirot sa dibdib ko habang tinitignan siyang nasasaktan habang nakatitig doon. I even saw how his eyes shined because of unshed tears.

"I couldn't even save you..." he whispered painfully.

Umiling ako at hinawakan ang kamay niyang nakapatong sa kama. "Sky," I called him. "What I need is to be understood, not to be saved."