Song Remains the Same

Chapter 16: The Becoming

"But what of the wretched hollow? The endless in-between?"
- Imogen Heap

A Week Later

Life had a way of changing instantly. And Alex felt that stronger than ever right now.

She stared stonily into the flames where the body of her half-brother Adam burned.

Just when she thought nothing else could surprise her ever again... everything had been turned upside down once more. Alex thought she should probably be sad that she never got a chance to meet the real Adam—sad that she hadn't known of his existence until a few days ago—sad that he died a slow and painful death at the hands of vengeful ghouls... but her dominant emotion was pained confusion. And extremely disoriented wooziness. But that probably had something to do with the alcohol.

She turned away from her brothers and loped off into the woods, her flask clutched tightly. Her brothers watched her go and exchanged a glance then turned back to the fire, giving her some space. It was a good thing too. Sam and Dean would have taken the flask from her right then and there if they knew what was inside. A few years ago they had banned her from drinking absinthe. It made her turn a little psycho... but she still snuck some at times. And today, of all days, she needed it.

Adam... did Dad name you? Is his name similar to mine on purpose? Starts with A, four letters... Alex mourned for someone she didn't even know. Her breath made puffs in the winter air as her boots crunched against frosty ground. She was all out of anger, and instead full of pained questions. She thought she knew Dad. She thought she knew him. How could he have another kid out there they had never known about? Why did he never tell them about Adam? Why'd they have to find out like this?

The thought of John Winchester soured Alex and she bitterly swigged down more burning absinthe to numb the feelings. She stumbled, toe catching on a tree root. Maybe I shouldn't be standing right now. Plunking down to lean against a large tree trunk, she worked on nursing the booze. It burned like a bitch, but was doing the job of numbing her feelings, making everything seem funny and ridiculous instead of painful and raw. Soon she'd be totally shitfaced plastered. She sighed loudly and shut her eyes, turning the flask up. She was beginning to feel loopy, like nothing mattered. Also, the world was spinning.

Alex took another huge gulp and when she opened her eyes she almost choked—standing in front of her was Cas. Startled, she dropped the flask, the contents clumsily sloshing around. She grabbed it and hugged it to herself, frowning up at Cas. He was difficult to see in the dim light but the mere sight of him made her feel odd, and she got mad about it. "What're you doing here?"

He came closer, and she could see his face a little better in the light from the fire that was twenty feet off. Was that concern on his intent features, or judgment? "I sensed your sorrow from Heaven." His deep voice was steady. "I thought I should see if you were..." He looked at the container she was clinging to and his expression wavered a little. "All right."

She giggled throatily—he was cute, wasn't he—she tilted the flask toward him in salute. "Good for you, Cas." She said his name slowly and deeply. It sounded so hilarious to her, and she was giggling again before she got peevish again. "Now... unless you've got vodka or tequila with you, go away."

"I... have neither." His eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Then get lost... I have things to do."

Cas crouched down in front of her, searching her face sternly and she was caught off guard by his closeness and how deep his eyes looked, how vast the brilliant blue spheres were in the darkness. "Things to do?" He challenged. "Such as sitting here in the dark and consuming potentially lethal amounts of alcohol?"