Song Remains the Same

Chapter 21: Tore Me Down

"And every silence all around me is screaming through the walls."
- Copeland

Later That Day

Dean and Alex got out of the Impala at the same time, slamming doors in unplanned unison. Their hands went into their jacket pockets as they leaned on opposite sides of the car facing different directions. Sam would meet them here soon just as agreed—and Alex was anxious. About everything.

The afternoon was cool and gloomy with a misty blanket of fog looming over the landscape. A crow gave a harsh cackling call somewhere nearby, and traffic passed on the adjacent highway in muted whooshes.

"You okay, Al?" From the sound of his voice, she could tell her brother had turned his head slightly toward her.

Inside her jacket pocket, fingers moved against the wilting yellow flower. All she could do was shrug faintly. "I guess."

There was a short silence, then a soft attempt at a chuckle. "Yeah, me neither."

She heard him shift, breathe deeply, and let out a troubled sigh. She knew he was thinking about everything they had seen in 2014. So was she. She still hadn't slept, even though she was running on fumes. All she could do was remember the unthinkable: Lucifer in Sam's body, no light or life in his eyes. Dean, a broken shell of a man who had lost everything. And... him. Alex shut her eyes at the thought. Castiel. Never in a hundred years would she have guessed he could ever turn out like that. Broken, scarred, destroyed. Fallen from grace. And in love with her. Or at least with the person she would become.

The kiss haunted her. She couldn't stop thinking of him. She was trying to figure out when the angel she knew now in present-day became that Cas, the one who loved and wanted her like that. Moreover, when had she begun to feel that way about him? Although, if she were being honest with herself... hadn't she already started to, a little bit? ... More than a little bit?

Inwardly, she scolded herself. The authenticity of what had happened was impossible to confirm. But if the 2014 they'd visited was some elaborate prank by Zachariah... well, it had worked. It was like fate got off on torturing her. And damn, did it know how. Her mind kept going over that kiss like a CD on repeat: His arms around her, the words so full of meaning and love, the tender and desiring look in his eyes. She could still remember every part of him against her in the kiss they had drowned in. It had felt real. Realer than real. Could it really have been just some trick?

"There he is." Dean's announcement broke the trance. Alex's eyes popped open and her internal world faded away. Looking over, she could see a dark car trundling up along the dirt road and she stood straight, pulse picking up. Sam. The car came to a stop.

The familiar towering figure got out and Alex went to him without hesitation, almost running the last two steps. She momentarily didn't care about all the water under the bridge—she was just so, so relieved. They hugged tightly then Alex searched his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He looked strained and nervous, offering a brave smile. "It's really good to see you. I've missed you guys."

Dean, who had sauntered up slowly, was more reserved. "Sam."

Sam's expression fell, and then Dean pulled out Ruby's knife. For a second, Sam and Alex both stared at it nervously, but then Dean held it out to his brother handle first. "If you're serious and you want back in... you should hang onto this. I'm sure you're rusty." Sam hesitantly accepted the blade and Dean sighed. "Look, man, I'm sorry. I dunno. But I was, uh—wrong."

Sam was apprehensive. "What made you change your mind?"

Dean and Alex exchanged a fleeting glance. "Long story," Dean answered a couple beats later. "Point is... maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll always find a way to use the two of us or the three of us against each other, I dunno. I just know we're all we've got. More than that—we keep each other human. We keep each other alive."