Song Remains the Same

Chapter 17: Two Roads Diverged

"So light the fire, walk away. There's nothing left to say."
- Bullet for My Valentine

Sam stared up at the ceiling fan. Surrounded by the familiar design of a devil's trap, the blades swept a slow, heavy rhythm. He had lost track of the hours and days. No one answered when he called.

He had settled into a disheartening routine: first he paced the room and banged on the walls. Second he gave up, sat in the corner, and wept. Then he'd grow angry and would hurl himself against the walls. He'd then collapse and get depressed, then start the process all over again with renewed fervor.

Sam knew he was in bad shape in the moments of clarity he had between blackouts. He was beginning to hallucinate things and people. Alastair, his mom, even himself—age fourteen. He was so confused and tired, and all he could think about was getting some demon blood to quench the maddening thirst. He needed to free himself from this hell he'd built, he needed his family to understand that he had only drank the blood to get the power to kill Lilith.

He heard a soft sound beside him and sat up quickly from where he'd been laying on the cot. His twin sister lurked in the shadows at the edge of the room. Relief and anxiety alike surged. "Alex! How'd you get in here?!"

Her face was obscured. He could literally feel the disdain emanating off her. She ignored his question. "Unbelievable. Look at you, Sam. So far from what you're supposed to be." She came closer, sneering in disgust. "Not even human anymore, are you?"

"I'm... I'm still human..." he protested weakly. "I'm still me. Please, believe me. You gotta help me."

She started to circle wolfishly. " I think you're past help. The dark things that crawl around inside... the things you keep secret..." Sam flinched away from her. "But, it's okay, Sammy. Me and Dean? We got this. We don't need you, especially not now." She stopped and leaned forward, gripping him by his shoulders with crushing force. Her fingernails were like spikes and he whimpered. "You're the family curse, Sam," she hissed. "It's been you all along, dragging us down, polluting the air we breathed!" Her head tilted to the side and a strange, condescending smile grew. "You're just some unholy, blood-sucking, demon-screwing little bastard."

Sam felt like he had been struck. "No, Alex," he protested, tears in his eyes. "It wasn't like that, I just, I needed—" She slapped him across the face, her expression like stone. It stung so badly.

"Shut up. I'm tired of listening to your shit!" She walked off, leaving him stunned.

He closed his watering eyes to the sound of her footsteps echoing. And when he opened his eyes back up, he saw that someone else was there now. A girl around age twelve. She had a plain, open face and wide eyes, full lips. Two messy braids and an old jean jacket.

"Alex..." he breathed, recognizing her when she was just a kid. Her huge eyes were full of hurt, betrayal, and disappointment.

The adult Alex came to the child version, putting her arm around the girl protectively. "Don't. You hurt her. You disappoint her. You let her down. She doesn't want you to talk to her." Alex's voice lowered. "She knows how dark you are inside. How dark you've always been."

Sam choked on his words, standing up, desperate for his twelve-year-old sister to stop looking at him like that. She turned away, hiding her face. Older Alex looked at Sam with a superior expression, as if to say, 'see?'

Sam was getting desperate. "Alex, please! Help me! Stop just looking at me like I'm a freak show and do something!" He grasped at straws. "If you can just, just convince Dean...! I just need some time, some help... if you guys... can just help me! Why won't you help me?!"