Song Remains the Same

Chapter 69: My Brother's Keeper

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?"
- Jim Butcher

The Next Day

"I mean of all the screw-headed, crazy, brainless stunts you've ever pulled, this has to be the most certifiable!" Dean raged at full volume. Unhappy about the third degree, Alex held her phone a good five inches away from her ear—that's how loudly her oldest brother was berating her through the phone. "I do all this crazy stuff to make sure you're safe then you waltz out one day and decide to commit suicide for kicks?!"

Alex basically shouted her indignant response at the phone. "It wasn't for kicks Dean, I told you!"

"Well then what was it for, huh?!" Dean demanded, matching her ire blow for blow. Even though she couldn't see his face she could conjure it in her mind's eye and in that mental image he looked like he wanted to kill her all over again. Bitter, Alex gritted her teeth, shut her eyes, and inhaled sharply through her nose in an attempt to not explode. Thanks, Cas, for going out of your way to tell Dean what I did. Alex hadn't seen the angel since he'd disappeared after so harshly verbally blasting her yesterday. So, what, he could find time to look Dean up and tattle on her but not come back and apologize or explain himself? Alex was hurt and annoyed and confused because he'd never been so mean to her, ever, and now it seemed like he was avoiding her. She felt both guilty and mad as hell and was unsure about which one she was more justified in feeling. What a mess... and Dean's tirade on the other end of the line wasn't helping either.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?!" he continued harshly, refusing to let it go (they'd be on the phone for a couple minutes already and all of the conversation had been Dean shredding his sister and Alex getting more and more frustrated as he refused to listen to her). "I mean Jesus Christ, Alex, do you even realize how much is on me right now?! Apparently not or you wouldn't have done that shit!" He was getting even angrier and louder. "I just gotta wonder if you've lost your freaking mind or what, I mean who does that? You're such a friggin' idiot, you know that?!"

That comment did it and she was snapping back in an attempt to defend herself in some small way. "What, trying to do something to save our brother?!" Her rising blood pressure approached outer space. "You're the one who sold your soul for him a few years ago, all I did was—"

"Forget what I did!" he cut her off in a shout. "That doesn't matter anymore and you're sure as hell not gonna make what you did okay bringing that shit up—life and death isn't a game! You killed yourself and Cas didn't think he could bring you back! Do you get that? Do you realize how friggin' lucky you are to be above ground right now?!"

Yeah, so lucky, Dean, so freaking lucky. I have everyone in my life pissed to high hell at me and telling me how much of a dumbass I am and refusing to see why I did what I did. You ' re right. Yay. Lucky me!

Dean was still ranting at her and it was becoming an angry rumbling blur she tuned out. "Do you realize blah blah blah!? You blah blah blah, I can't believe blah blah blah—it takes some special kind of blah blah blah to blah blah blah—you could have died for real, you could have blah blah!"

"Look, I know it was the dumbass move of the year, all right?" Alex answered in a tight, harsh voice that threatened him to stop talking to her that way, now. "Cas already raked me over the coals about it and you're pissing me off, I don't wanna hear it anymore."