"You have to write the book that wants to be written."
— Madeleine L'Engle... In loving memory of Ginger, who left far too soon.
I carry you with me always and everywhere, my sweet girl.My Beloved Readers —
Let's reminisce for a moment.
In 2013 I published the first chapter of a story I wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in. This story featured my original character Alex Winchester. She would bring out different sides of Dean and Sam, add in a third wheel element, make the stakes higher, become a romantic interest for Castiel—and most importantly be a strong character with an arc all her own within the turbulent framework of Supernatural.
To my surprise I quickly developed a huge and enthusiastic readership as I continued to post chapters and develop the plot. The story was well-received, with readers always ready for more chapters as soon as possible. I fell in love, and the rest is history. For over two years, I faithfully wrote almost every day, spending hours with the characters and world of Supernatural. By running the blog in tandem with writing the fic, it's like we built a fandom within the fandom! I made friends, went to conventions, met readers in person, and even realized my name was meant to be River (it was originally my pen name, but in 2015 I went to court to make it legal).
The story was a hugely central element of my life! And then in early 2015 at Chapter 131, I abruptly stopped writing and disappeared without notice or a trace.
Behind the scenes, life had changed. I went through some really tough things. I divorced, I left the church and came out as atheist, I lost friends, my family dynamic changed, I lost my house, I was on my own completely. This and more left me in a very bad place. So I dropped off the face of the planet to just survive and get my life back together somehow. It got so hopeless that in late October of 2015 I had to be put into an involuntary psychiatric hold after an attempt to end my life. That was my lowest point ever. After the dust cleared, I realized I wanted better for myself. I took the steps to live a happier, more whole existence. It was hard at first, but I stuck with therapy and a recovery program called CoDa. I realized I had to change my life and that no one else could, would, or should. I still am doing the work to keep myself in good mental health, but I do count myself as recovered and majorly healed.
My life is finally making sense again. I am remarried to my sweetheart, my best friend and my rock. His name is Will. He's the most supportive, understanding, silly, and loving person I know. We have so much fun and love together. I also became stepmom to his three adorable kids—they call me Mama River. Life is good. Better. Sweeter, more peaceful. I am healed and healing. When I was lowest, I didn't ever imagine I could be happy again. I proved myself wrong. Perhaps if you find yourself feeling hopeless at some time in your life, you can prove yourself wrong too.
Let's circle back: As I was rebuilding my life, I thought of this story often. I felt guilt and sadness over abandoning it without a word to my readers. I dreamed of finishing it but the time was never right until the last couple months of 2018. By then, it had been almost three years since I'd updated. What's more is I wasn't sure how to complete it realistically—I didn't feel like I had the time or the drive like before. So instead of writing to completion, I did what I could muster: I returned and fully wrote chapters 132 and 133, published short summary stand-ins for 17 other chapters, then posted the fully written epilogue and called it a day... until 2020 hit.
Lockdown. Quarantine. Life grinding straight to a halt. I noticed a few new readers during the pandemic and one of those new readers posted tons of gushing reviews on Ao3 that reminded me of how much I loved the story... how much others loved the story... and how much I still wished I could write the rest. I started really and truly thinking about it. And then in January of 2021 I decided I was going to just fucking do it!
That brings us here, nearly nine years to the day after Song Remains the Same hit the internet, and man oh man I can't believe it is finally, truly finished and complete! I feel like my baby grew up and moved out! What a long and winding road it's been.
As this letter draws to a close, I have some exciting news to share: I just accepted my first paid writing jobs over the past couple of days! Yep, that's right. I have decided to give this whole writing thing a real shot... so who knows, maybe you'll see some original work by me on the shelves someday!
My friends, I want to thank you again. For reading this final note, for reviewing, for supporting, for loving the story and characters. For going on this rollercoaster with me. I hope that the finished epic of SRS can be my gift to you for years to come. It's forever an important part of my history, and I'm so grateful for the experience! This story really did give me a safe place to go to in such hard times. You were all a part of that safe place, so thank you.
It's time to conclude this letter. Darlings, I hope the future treats you well—that you learn how powerful and strong you are—that you recognize how important you are. May your endeavors, successes, failures, and hard times all give you something of value! I believe in you.
With all my love, forever and ever, and a few bittersweet tears as we wave goodbye...
- River
P.S. if you still need more SRS, go check out the Bonus Content (by hitting the next chapter button)!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A list of some of the wonderful folks from all over the world who contributed to the story over the years.Jess - Your incredible input, insight, and our endless emails/phonecalls about the plotlines and character development was guidance that shaped this story when I first began writing. So many amazing ideas came from our conversations, and I don't think this story would be half of what it was without the foundation YOU helped create. Jess, you really made SRS what it is. Thank you for everything!
Beth - From one fandom to the next, I love that we were friends before SPN and you got onboard the Calex train with me. Thanks for your steadfast help, honest feedback, and amazing support—both in the past, and as I completed the story in the past few months. Your recent help with looking over things was invaluable! I hope to visit you and Dunc across the pond again sooner rather than later! Love you and yours so much.
Clare - thank you for inspiring me to come back and fully write the summary chapters simply due to your reviews and clear love of the story. You woke back up a part of me that had been asleep, waiting for the right moment.
Kaylah - Thank you for all the long conversations, the support/encouragement, the friendship, the random texts that make me smile still to this day. I hope to hang out with you again many more times!
Marlie - Your support and input, not to mention good company at the Jacksonville convention, will never be forgotten.
curlylapin - For the French translations in Chapter 64. Merci!
alovernotahater - For sending in the poem Alex wrote in Chapter 113 which I then edited. It was incredibly beautiful and I hope you write much more. Thank you!
Somnium Fire - for your thoughtful, kind messages and generous gifts. I am humbled you enjoyed the story so much!
Sameera D - my 5000th reviewer! Unbelievable and so cool. This title is yours forever.
There are many, many others. Thank you to each and every one of you who has read, reviewed, interacted, and been part of the SRS world.

YOU ARE READING
Song Remains the Same
RomanceFor Alex Winchester, normal has never been in the equation. Mute since the nursery fire, she grew up on the road chasing ghosts with her brothers and father. When her voice is inexplicably restored and the angel Castiel appears claiming to be her gu...