Song Remains the Same

Chapter 50: The Babysitter's Club

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
- Carl Sandburg

Two Months Later

Alex remembered that fateful night very often... the beginning of her downward spiral. It stuck in her mind like glue, remaining perfectly preserved in excruciating detail: gagging down a gallon of stolen demon's blood, barely being able to keep it from vomiting right back out until the effects kicked in—the dizzying rush of adrenaline and strength, the sensation of being outside of her head, the conviction that she was invincible.

All of that to kill Lucifer. Instead, Lucifer had killed her. And he had killed Sam too.

But Sam wasn't dead. Two months ago to the day, she'd learned Sam had been alive this whole damn time. The grief and guilt she'd shouldered between the time of his supposed 'death' and the day he suddenly just walked into her motel room? All of that pain had been unnecessary. A fact that made her almost hate Sam. How could he let her feel that way for a single day? That he was dead and gone and that it was her fault? It bothered her on every level and drove her nuts as she tried to understand what had changed. She hadn't heard from him since that night with the djinn attack. Another stab to the back she tortured herself over. Dean however was a different story.

Alex and her oldest brother now called each other every few days and texted in between. She was even supposed to go stay with him in a couple weeks after he got settled in—he'd just moved himself and Lisa and Ben to a 'safer' neighborhood. Alex was apprehensive about the upcoming visit. What did normal people do in their free time, anyway? She had no clue, and had never really liked Lisa that much either (and got the feeling it was mutual).

Things were sort of predictable on the hunting front except there had been an oddly large number of vampires around. So that was interesting. Another interesting thing: Glen had stuck around for almost two solid months now—solid for Glen anyway. He drifted off a few times a week to 'visit friends' and 'conduct business,' but since the necklace incident he'd dialed it back and had been surprisingly... not that annoying. In fact, almost likable. Almost like a different guy. Jamie was the same as always: focused on jobs. She was an organized and thorough hunter with a knack for connecting dots and reading between the lines. It was kind of cool to see her utilize her witch powers on jobs, and Alex liked the team they ran.

However, right now, both blondies were MIA. Alex checked her watch and paced back and forth a few steps in the motel room she was in. She'd expected them an hour ago. Maybe they got delayed. She took out her phone to call one of them, flipped it open, then stopped as always. Her phone background was the same one it had been all year. The only picture she possessed of Castiel. She'd taken it with her phone literally one day before the world went to shit. In the cell phone snapshot, he was lying in bed beside her on his stomach, cheek resting against his bare arms which were folded over a pillow. He wasn't looking into the camera—he was looking slightly up at where she was—and smiling at her in that barely-there way he had. The photo was low-res, grainy, and slightly blurred. But her heart clenched at the sight of him as it always did. At the memory of that night together. Often, she wrestled with herself over whether she should keep this picture. All it did was pain her. Wasn't time supposed to heal all wounds? So why was it getting worse?

Emotions welling up from within and Alex looked upward at the motel ceiling. She didn't even have it in her, but she decided. One last try. Because if she never asked, then she'd never know. "Cas?" Her voice was a mere, trembling whisper. "Castiel?" Saying his name aloud made her almost crumble. She took a minute to gather herself, trying to be brave. "Listen. I... I know I haven't said anything in a few months... maybe more than that. I don't wanna bother you if you're... trying to send me a hint so... this is the last time I'll call, okay?" Hearing herself say that out loud made her feel ill. Her voice rose slightly.