Song Remains the Same

Chapter 139: Inside Job

"Nothing safe is worth the drive."
― Taylor Swift

Three Days Later

Morning ascended gently over the tranquil lakeside scene in the midlands of Kansas. Atop Bobby's vintage 1969 cream-and-rust Winnebago RV, Sam Winchester sat and quietly contemplated the nature surrounding him: the sunlight glittering on pale blue water, birds singing pleasantly, a placid breeze stirring the surrounding pines, and the soothing pattern of water lapping the shore. All of it together created a lull that coaxed the listener to unwind. Inhaling deeply and shutting his eyes, Sam forced himself to experience a very needed moment of peace.

The past three days had been him, Bobby, Alex, and Cas trying to hunt down a very wayward Dean with no luck. The oldest Winchester didn't want to be found, and what's more he knew exactly how his siblings thought, therefore evading their attempts and tactics easily. The dead ends left Sam with various feelings: baffled anger, betrayed confusion, supreme frustration, and a lot of concern too. His brother's insane choice of breaking Crowley and Meg out of lockdown left a lot of unanswered questions and vast worries. At the very least, Sam hoped and prayed his brother was alive... but otherwise, he really just wanted to kick Dean's ass.

Sam's cell buzzed in his pocket, switching the track of his thoughts immediately. A fledgling smile grew in anticipation as he pulled the phone out of his pocket and saw the notification he'd expected: New Message from Molly Z.

They'd been texting all morning. Nothing of consequence—just checking on each other a bit and then sending funny stuff back and forth. Molly's latest text was her responding to the Star Wars meme he'd sent a few minutes ago: She'd put a gif of someone rolling around on the ground crying from laughing. It made Sam feel a swell of fondness as he glanced at her contact photo: A closeup of her grinning with her hands framing her face in a goofy way. He'd taken that photo. God, she was a dork and it was the best. He missed her, and the urge to tell her was quite strong. So Sam hesitated, then sent an impulsive 'I really can't wait to see you again' with a hopeful-looking smiley. The second after it sent, he faltered on the familiar guilt. He still wasn't sure what the hell he was doing with her, or if he was even allowed to be focusing on his personal life at present moment. It made him uneasy to have something so sweet in his life—because dread said that something would happen to her because of him. Or that once Molly got to know him, really know him, she'd realize how much of a certifiable freak of nature he was and reject him for it. He wouldn't blame her if she did, honestly. Sam took a deep breath in, telling himself to just stay in the moment rather than spiral at thoughts of the future. He instead reflected with glowing nostalgia over their now four months worth of memories together that started after the golem adventure: visiting the weekend Lawrence farmer's market, lunch dates that they never called that, grabbing coffee, bowling once, hanging out at her place with her cat playing board games or watching movies or cooking together... it all felt like morsels of regular life. It felt like glimpses of happiness. And he wasn't really used to that.

As soon as Sam sent the text and pocketed his phone again, his mood took a steep downward turn. Because what was he doing? Dean was out on the loose with two demons in tow as he tried to bring in a Knight of Hell all by himself... and Sam was telling a girl he couldn't wait to see her again. He could already imagine Dean berating him about it. He scrubbed his face with a weary hand, trying to remember what Alex had told him recently instead: You deserve happiness, Sam.

He'd love happiness. Of course he would. That's why he'd left for college at eighteen for fuck's sake—he just wanted to feel normal and pursue a typical life outside of the nightmare supernatural world he'd been brought into. The sad part had been him believing that was actually possible. The Winchester curse had called his name like it always would. So his ultimate fear was no matter how much he might deserve or want happiness... any small portions he received of it were temporary. It was always doomed to fail. That was just the way of things, apparently. So this thing with Molly... it had to be temporary. It had to stay surface level and casual. Even if truthfully, Sam was feeling things (and had been since the day he met her) that were much deeper than surface.