Fragile

11

AMELIAS POV
I opened my eyes and Charlotte was asleep next to me. I was going home today. Well, back to Seattle. I don't really know if that's home yet. I've let my life get too bad. I'm visiting Ryan's grave today before I get on the plane back with Derek. I got out of the bed and instantly felt dizzy, probably from the fact that I haven't eaten a whole meal in a month. I've been so distracted it's been awful, and I know I need help. I stumbled and caught myself on the edge of the bed.
"Amelia?" Charlotte said and rolled over, "you okay?"
"I'm feeling a little dizzy," I admitted.
"Why don't I get you something to eat," Charlotte said.
"Okay," I said. I got dressed and Charlotte came back with a bagel. It looked like a lot of food compared to what minimal food I've been able to get myself to eat.
"You don't have to eat it all," Charlotte said gently and handed me the plate.
"Thanks," I nodded.
"You ready to go back?" She asked as she sat down next to me and rubbed my back.
"I think so," I said, "I'm really sorry I definitely overstayed my welcome, and gave you a really hard time about everything."
"Amelia you have no reason to apologize," Charlotte said, "I love you and I hope you know you're welcome here anytime."
"I love you too," I said. I took a few bites of the bagel and got ready to go back with Derek. Derek came out of the guest room and we packed up the car. I said goodbye to Charlotte and got in Derek's rental car.
"You ready?" He asked. I nodded. He drove to the cemetery and I looked out the window. I didn't want this to be goodbye with Ryan but I never knew when I would be back.
"I'll need a few minutes," I said to Derek.
"Take however long you need," Derek said. I got out of the car and sat down on the grass next to Ryan's grave.
"Hey you," I said softly, "gosh I miss you. I missed you so much when I went to Seattle, but now I miss you more. I would do anything to get you back. I would do anything to wake up to you snoring at 3 am again, or to hear you burning pancakes in the kitchen. I would do anything to hear that laugh of yours, and hear you plan out our children's lives. I'd do anything to see you again Ryan. I know we got a divorce but that never meant I stopped loving you. I'll never stop loving you. I hope you're okay in heaven. I hope you're reunited with our son Christopher, and you can meet the amazing man we named him after - my father. I hope that you are safe up there, and that maybe you can hear me now. I'm not really sure how that works but hopefully you get this message, and that you know how sorry I am. I hope you know I'm so sorry I didn't stay with you, and that I didn't try to get you help harder. I should have tried harder for you. I should have, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I hope you're at peace in heaven Ryan, and I hope someday you can forgive me for how I left, because I never wanted it to be like this. I wanted to have those two girls and two boys with you. I wanted to be woken up by our children on Christmas morning, and I wanted to go to all the chorus, band, and dance recitals. I wanted to watch you teach our sons how to throw a baseball. I wanted to do everything with you, and it's not fair that you're gone. I miss you so much, but I have to go back to Seattle. I've definitely given Charlotte enough trouble and have overstayed my welcome. I just wanted you to know that I'll be back to visit you, I don't know when but I will, and I love you. I love you so much Ryan." By this time I was sobbing. I was surprised I could even get the words out. I laid down and put my head in my hands as I sobbed. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

DEREKS POV
I watched Amelia break down next to Ryan's grave. I knew I needed to go comfort her. I got up and ran over to her and picked her up in my arms.
"You're okay," I said softly.
"I want him back," she sobbed. My heart broke for her.
"I know you do," I said and rubbed her back.
"I should be dead not him it's not fair," she said.
"Shhh it's not your fault," I said. I held her tightly as she sobbed into me and I eventually carried her to the car. The ride to the airport was silent, and I felt like I was back at square one with Amelia. I know her recovery from this is going to be so tough. I'm just thankful everyday that she has amazing friends in LA who took care of her and refused to let her relapse.

OWENS POV
"Did you hear that there's a vip patient?" Arizona asked.
"There is?" I asked, "some celebrity? Sports injury?"
"No, psych ward," Arizona said, "half the floor is cleared out for the patient."
"That's weird, you don't know who it is?" I said.
"No," Arizona said. Meredith walked over and grabbed a chart and Arizona caught her attention.
"Mer!" Arizona said.
"Yeah?" Meredith said.
"Did you hear about the vip patient?" Arizona said.
"Yeah," Meredith said.
"Do you know who it is?" Arizona asked.
"Who who is?" Derek asked as he walked up next to Mer.
"The vip patient," Arizona said, "some celebrity gone mental?"
"We shouldn't talk about them," Derek said.
"I have to go," Meredith said.
"Stay out of the ward," Derek said and they both walked away.
"That was weird right?" Arizona said.
"Yeah it was weird," I said.