Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Chapter 8

The orange hue of the cigarette bud and the faint moonlight that shone into the room was the only thing keeping it from being pitch black. It was almost silent, merely Sirius's constant movements as he slept. I tilted my head against the cobblestone sill, tilting my head out and staring at the Forbidden Forest.

I wondered who was still lingering down in the forest. Lucius and Narcissa were probably shagging down there but I didn't like to think about that, it only hurt. And Wren and Lucinda were probably in my dorm, moved on with the night in each other's arms. Maybe Evan and Barty too had moved on from the night but there was one person who was like me and never moved on from nights – Regulus Black.

He dwelled and he dwindled just like me.

He still dwelled on the night Sirius ran away like I dwelled on the night Barty kissed me. But it wasn't Sirius's fault. It was none of Sirius's fault. But it was all Barty's fault. It was all of Barty's fault.

I was the one who was assaulted but Regulus was probably cutting himself or rummaging through my dorm to find any of my father's narcotics. He probably felt like I'd betrayed him, that I'd left him behind, that I hated him.

And that was exactly what made him... It was exactly what made him bleed last time.

But it wasn't my fault like it wasn't Sirius's fault last time.

I took a drag of my fag, refusing to let those tears spill but it was too late. Again.

It didn't fucking matter.

If he killed himself over one fucking argument that was his fault, that was his fucking choice. I was the one who was sexually assaulted. I was the victim. I was the fucking victim. Not him. I wasn't responsible for his blood on the bathroom floor like Sirius never was last time.

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes.

But what if there was still time to save him?

What if I was letting time run thin?

What if I was too late?

Silent tears rolled down my pale cheeks while I inhaled the methanol cigarette smoke in a useless attempt to calm me. I tried to ignore the goosebumps pricking at my cold skin from the cool Autumn breeze. I hated being cold, I really did. But I wasn't going to move. And besides, the breeze that filtered into the room was pleasant to everyone else. I pulled my knees tighter to my chest, blowing out a small ring of warm smoke.

There was a rustling from Sirius's bed and I glanced over at him rolling out of bed. His hair was a complete mess as he yawned and stretched his arms before beginning to make his way to the bathroom before turning to me and jumping.

"Holy Merlin," He gasped, "Don't scare me like that, Cox, I thought you were a ghost."

"Boo," I mocked, quickly wiping my eyes but that stupid movement gave me away,

"What are you doing?"

"Could ask you the same thing,"

"Well, I'm going to take a piss," He glanced over at the bathroom door and my heart almost sank.

"You have your own bathroom?" I asked,

"Yeah, 'course. It's just a pigsty, no one needs you to see it," He rubbed his eyes, yawning before walking into the bathroom.

Would've rathered a pigsty, I thought to myself, dropping one of my legs off the edge of the ledge. I glanced down at the high drop beneath me, kicking my leg around and letting it dangle.

The bathroom door soon opened after a flush, Sirius walking back out, "Why aren't you in bed?"

"I don't have a bed," I said, "And I wasn't going to be sleeping on the floor."