Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Epilogue II

I couldn't stop screaming.

They rang and they rang as I stared at my best friend's bodies lying helplessly on the floor of the great hall. The bodies of the two boys that kept me alive for twelve years. I had spent twelve years with just those boys and now both of them lay dead beside me.

"No." I cried, "No, Remus, Dominic, Dominic, wake up. Remus – Moony, please." I lowered my head to the ground, my hands digging deep in my hair, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from their limp bodies on stretchers. "Please don't leave me." I said softly, "Please... I... I can't do this... Please don't leave me here. Don't leave me here!"

I thought Sirius had taken my heart with him as I fell through the veil. But Dominic and Remus were my everything. Sirius was too. And so was Lily. And so was James. And so was Peter. And so was Marlene. And so were Regulus and Wren. And so was my daughter.

No one tried to comfort me because there was no one left to comfort me. Maybe I should've been happy. Remus was out of his misery; he didn't have to transform into a beast anymore... And maybe it was selfish to hate them for leaving me.

Another scream left my lips. Because I stared at the lifeless bodies of the two boys that kept me alive. That never left my side for twelve years. That I loved more than I could ever comprehend.

Dominic was my best friend. He... he just got me... he could calm me down... he was so bright. He was as bright as James I'd go to say. Dominic had always been the sun and Remus had always been the moon.

I was left alone. Alone in the cold and alone in the dark with no light except my daughter.

I could hear crying in the background. I could hear the screams of Ron and the cries of Molly. But I didn't care at that moment. The two boys that were there for me when no one else was, were gone.

"I love you," I said to their limp bodies. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you two. You saved my life, but I couldn't save yours... I love you, Moony. I love you, Dominic. I love you; I love you; I love you."

I couldn't save them. But maybe they didn't want to be saved... Maybe they were tired, and I was too consumed with myself to see it. Who was I kidding, they'd been tired for so long. But I thought having Sirius back would seize the tired ache of our hearts. It did for a bit because he was loving me again.

Remus and Dominic were my platonic soulmates I'd like to say. They made me happy when no one else did. We kept each other alive. But now, the only person I had left was my daughter and Teddy Lupin-Langcastle who was now left in my care.

I felt her hand on my shoulder, I looked up at her. She had blood and cuts down her face and the tears had mixed with the blood, and I just pulled her into my chest. I held my baby girl to my chest, and I clung to her as much as she clung to me. "Moony's finally at peace now, isn't he?" She sobbed, "he won't feel any more pain, right?"

I nodded, even if it was agonizing to do. "He's at peace. And so is Dominic." I whispered, holding her head.

Why couldn't I be a peace? Why couldn't fate just reach me? Why couldn't it just steal my fate?

But I couldn't live without them. Who would I go to if I couldn't breathe? Who would I go to if I needed a laugh or if I needed to cry?

No one. There was no one left in my life to listen to my sad story.

It really was a sad story; I didn't deserve what they did to me. Yet I was still hunched over Dominic Langcastle and Remus Lupin. Over their dead bodies. Lifeless and cold. So cold. I always hated the cold. I tried embracing the pricking winds but now I let the winds cut me. I let the cold break me down and I waited for me to be pushed into the pit they called death, but I called it peace.

Sirius was finally at peace with James and Lily and Marlene and Regulus and now he was at peace with Remus and Dominic too.

But who was I left with?

Why did they all leave me alone?

I screamed again. It was the kind that silenced everyone because it was the kind of scream that made everyone realize what was going on. I waited for Remus's arms to wrap around me but why on earth would I be thinking such a thing? He lay dead in front of me. I waited for Dominic to kiss my head but why on earth would I be thinking such a thing? He lay dead in front of me, his pinky intertwined with his husband's.

They looked peaceful. They didn't go in pain. No, they went peacefully together. Because they were ready.

Now, I just needed to know why I hadn't reached my time yet? Why did I have to live on? Was this my punishment? To live with only the ghost of their smiles lingering in my mind.

I didn't deserve to be left behind.

Why did I have to live knowing only my daughter was left of the people I loved? Why did I have to live knowing my family were nothing more than bones and decaying flesh? Why did I have to live? I was too tired to live.

My heart was too tired. With every movement of my body, I felt the thump in my heart grow slower and every single day I waited for it to get too slow. For my heart to give out and to let me go peacefully. With my body in a casket and nothing more than a body. My soul... I don't know where my soul will go. But it will go someplace nice. It will go somewhere where I can see Sirius's face again.

Because no matter how hard you try, you can never lose a soulmate.

Cass continued to cry into my arms, and I realized then it was only her. My daughter was the only person I had left. My daughter, Sirius's, and mine's daughter... she was sixteen she'd already lost her father and uncles.

I used to say I was too young to go through what I did.

But really, it was my daughter who saw the world too young. It was my daughter who had to live with the knowledge she'd never have a dad, nor she'd have a real family.

But she had me. Cass had me and I hope she knew she would always have me.