Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Chapter 61

SIRIUS BLACK'S POV:

Cass was on her stomach, lying across a quilt Peter had made which had all the constellations on it. Cass adored that blanket. She was curled in a little ball on her tummy -- like how the cats slept. She was smiling at me, shaking her head and trying to move her hands to grab mine. 

Lillian was on a mission with Remus, leaving me with Cass. 

Cass babbled and snorted, making me lift her up under her arms. She kicked and squirmed, giggling as I poked my tongue out. I smiled at my daughter, lowering her so her head was on my chest. I held her gently. Cass curled up into a vertical little ball again, reaching across my chest and trying to find my boob. When she couldn't find it, she began to cry.

"Are you hungry again?" I asked, standing up and walking to the refrigerator and grabbing the breast milk Lillian had pumped before she left. Cass continued to cry even after I offered her the bottle. "Ohh, you miss your mummy, don't you?" I hoisted the baby on my hip. "Do you miss your mum?" I poked her little nose which made Cass snort, boogers going everywhere.

I grabbed a tissue, wiped her face and tossed the snotty paper into the bin. I didn't realize how gross babies actually were. I loved Cass to death but she loved to eat her own boogers and I just didn't know how to love that. 

"Don't you worry, darling," I kissed her nose, making her try and kiss mine back, "Mummy will be home so soon. Come on, darling. We've got to get you ready for Halloween." I kissed my daughter's head. 

Cass gripped my shirt as she babbled excitedly outside Godric Hollow. I gave her a smile, kissing her nose which made her reach up and grab mine, smiling widely. 

But despite my daughter casting rays of sunshine around me... Something very cold was seeping in. I tightened my grip on my daughter, realizing Godric Hollow was cold.

 Godric Hollow was never cold.

Slowly, I approached the door, finding that the doorknob had been blown off.

Oh, no.

I placed my trembling hand on Cass's head, keeping her close to me and hiding her from what I knew would be awful. Though maybe I had a feeling about what awaited me in the once warm home, it was nothing compared to actually seeing it.

There he was. 

There was the boy who saved me in every way he could.

There was the boy I could not imagine my life without. 

There was the boy I could not live without.

There was my best friend.

There he was.

On the cold timber floors.

With his hair a scruffy mess, like it always was. With pale, lifeless skin with clouded lifeless eyes. With his glasses shattered beside his head and no wand in sight.

There James Potter was.

There James Potter's lifeless body was.

James, wake up.

Don't leave me.

James, please.

I needed to scream. I needed to scream out and I needed my throat to burn away everything. I needed to scream until there was no oxygen in my lungs -- until my throat was raw and I could never speak again. I needed to scream until my lungs burned more than my heart because it would distract me.

But I couldn't scream.

I couldn't scream because my daughter was in my arms. My beautiful daughter could not hear me scream. My beautiful daughter could not hear me cry but she already had.