Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Chapter 56

His footsteps creaked gently across the old hardwood floors as he entered our bedroom. I didn't look back at him, I only closed my eyes as he approached me slowly. His body warmed mine when he grew close enough that I could hear each uneven rise and fall of his chest.

I felt his hands hovering over my hips, hesitantly beginning to place them there but instead, I took both his warm hand hands and guided them around my stomach, clutching them tight fiddling with his wedding ring. With that, he lowered his head to my shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the crook of my neck.

I tightened my grip on his hands as I felt his brittle tears begin to stain my white blouse. Beneath mine, his hands began to tremble and his chest began to heave against my back. It was as if I was the only person in the world keeping him there. And I didn't mind.

I remembered when he was the only person in the world keeping me there. When I was as broken and weak and vulnerable. He treated my wounds. He was the person who made me realise that I did need someone to treat them — that I needed someone — I needed Sirius. Without him, I'd have left them. Without him, my body and my heart and my soul and my mind would be sheathed in untreated wounds.

Outside, rain had began to patter on the windows but over Sirius's broken sobs and whimpers,  I had barely noticed. Not that I minded. I was too focused on him — And I was never going to draw my attention away from him again.

My body melted into his warm chest as it heaved unevenly against my back. I continued to fiddle with the wedding ring, occasionally squeezing his hands when they began to shake. Every now and then, he'd whimper into the crook of my neck, "I love you,"  Then, he'd press a kiss to the same spot.

I could've stood there for hours with him. I no longer cared about anything that had happened. I knew he needed me. And I needed my husband too.

Slowly, Sirius lifted his head from my shoulder, pressing one last wet kiss to the same spot. I unlaced my hands with his and guided them away from my body before turning around to face him. His beautiful granite-like eyes were red and glassy and. his cheeks were burnt from all the salty tears that ran down them.

"I'm sorry," He whimpered,

I ran my hands down my face, wiping my teary eyes and bracing myself, "Why? What... What made you start? Was it me? Was it after I left?"

Sirius shook his head vigorously, "It wasn't you, Lil," He reached for my hands and I let him take them, "It's not your fault — it's not your fault,"

"Then what made you do it?" I bit the inside of my cheek,

He swallowed, tightening his grip on my hands and staring at them, "When it was late at night, and you weren't there, and I couldn't sleep, I heard my mother's voice in my head — And normally. I'd just reach for you and you'd make it all better but..."

"I wasn't there," I went to drop my hands, but Sirius's grip was too tight.

"It's not your fault, Lil — I picked them up — I did this to myself,"

I swallowed, letting go of his hands and instead reached for his chest, where I curled his old Bowie shirt into my fists. "I can't... Sirius... I can't — I can't do this again — I will not relive anything,"

His eyes only welled with more tears as they fell to his feet, "I'll never go back, Lil, I promise, I'm never going to—"

"What if I have to go? What if when we have a family, something happens? What are you going to do then?"

"Lil..."

"Sirius," I ground my jaw and letting go of him, "I know addicts."

"Don't, please, don't say anymore about him,"