Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Epilogue III

And as the years went on the ache in my heart never seized. Sirius haunted me like I knew he would.I wait for him to join me in bed. I waited for him to hold me tightly and tell me that he was never letting go.

Sometimes I wondered why we didn't get what we deserved. I just wanted a happy ending. The one I thought I was getting in 1981. But it was 2001 now. Twenty years. I had spent twenty years without Lily's smile and James's laugh. I had spent twenty-one years without Regulus and Wren. I had spent three years without Remus or Dominic. And I had spent five years without the only person who made me feel safe, the only person who made me feel worthy of being loved. It had been five years since I lost him.

And he was evil for leaving me behind but sometimes, certain love does more harm than good. He did more harm than good to me... yet I could only ever find the good.

But he was tired. He'd been tired long before his final breath. He missed James and Lily and what we used to be twenty years ago. But I spent every single day of those twenty years missing them. Every single day they crossed my mind. Every single day I sat at their graves and stared.

Twenty years. I had spent twenty years missing two people I only spent three years of my life with...

But I never got over Remus and Dominic's death. I was angry at them. I was so angry. Because why did they leave me? Why wasn't I killed? Why hadn't I died instead of James and Lily? Why hadn't I died instead of Sirius? Why hadn't I died instead of Dominic and Remus? Why did they leave me here alone?

Why did I have to live knowing the people I loved most in this world rotted in a coffin six feet beneath the ground? Why was I only alive for my daughter? I felt guilty. I so desperately wanted it all to end. I wanted it all to end but I knew I couldn't. Because I promised Sirius I'd live. I promised him I'd take care of my daughter. And that was a promise I'd never break.

Maybe I spent most of my life hating Sirius Black, but there was a small portion I spent loving him, and loving him was all I ever needed, him loving me was all I ever needed.

We left each other with too many wounds. He left me bleeding, but I refused to ever let anyone touch the cuts and scars he gave me. Because he gave them to me. And maybe I was bleeding because of what he did to me.

I stood at my daughter's wedding, and I wore the proudest smile. Even with the tears running down my cheeks the smile I wore was so wide. She gave me one big grin which I mirrored, wiping my eyes. She was twenty. And I was proud. Because she was happy.

She held onto Luna's hands. It wasn't a real marriage, but it still meant the same. Harry stood beside Cass with Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. I couldn't help but see Sirius standing with James and Lily and Peter and Remus.

Oh, how much I wanted to go back to when Lily's arms were around me and James's smile was so bright and when Peter was my friend. When Sirius and I held our daughter in our arms.

My daughter was happy. She was smiling so wide as she danced with her wife. And I was so happy she was going to have the happy ending she deserved. She turned to me with a wide smile which I mirrored like I always did.

I held onto Teddy's hand. "You want to dance?" I asked the little seven-year-old.

He nodded vigorously, "Come on, then." I smiled, pulling him into the dance floor and doing little dances with my godson. I was the only one he had left too. Both his dad's died three years ago. "Look at you go!" I smiled at the little boy.

He grinned even wider, continuing to dance and jump around like the crazed seven-year-old he was. He was missing his two front teeth and he had Remus's light amber eyes, but he had Dominic's dark skin and hair. Teddy was my favourite memory of them. Like Cass was my favorite memory of Sirius. And like Harry was my favorite memory of James and Lily.