Untreated Wounds | Sirius Black

Chapter 54

SIRIUS BLACK'S POV:

I was struggling to see straight.

Fuck, I'd had too many pills.

My head was spinning and everyone was beginning to get too loud. My heart was hammering against my chest and suddenly I wasn't at peace.

Lillian was clinging to me, half asleep and I couldn't help but stare at her.

What was going to happen when she found out?

It wouldn't be long.

And when she found out, she'd hate me. She'd hate me and leave me and I'd be alone again.

I couldn't be alone again.

I barely survived the last time.

I needed Lillian.

But I also needed those narcotics.

Was I really comparing my wife to fucking pills?

Maybe I was an addict.

I'd never admit it out loud. But deep down, I knew.

I was a filthy addict. I was a filthy liar. I was a filthy friend. I was a filthy husband.

But how else could I make the world go quiet?

I couldn't continue to live with cement on my shoulders. It was killing me. I thought those pills were lifting the weights. I thought they would save me.

Obviously, I was wrong.

Of course, I'd choose my wife. I would not hesitate to choose her over those stupid pills in my pocket.

But I didn't want to face my cruel mind without those pills. My mind forced me to stop eating. It fed me these terrible thoughts and these terrible ideas and I had lost control of them. Those pills were the only way to stop it from eating me alive.

I glanced down at Lillian. She was clinging to me, sound asleep. I ground my jaw as I leaned down and pressed my lips into her soft hair. I left them there for a moment, the smell of roses consuming my senses before I pulled back away.

Mehen had left Harry's side and had been by Lillian for most of the night.

Lillian had been asleep for a few hours, everyone was still laughing and having fun. James had fallen asleep while trying to put Harry down and Skyla fell asleep before Lillian, her head on Marlene's lap while the rest of us continued to talk.

Lily was in the middle of dragging Remus to his feet to try and make him dance with her when Lillian sat up. She rubbed her eyes groggily and I turned to her with a smile she didn't return. Lily had managed to get Remus to his feet which made Lillian stand up and approach Dominic.

He gave her a smile and she returned it. He was whispering to her and she was replying with her arms folded over chest. "Padfoot, c'mon!" Marlene jeered, pulling me to my feet and spinning me around. I turned to Marlene, grinning as we danced.

"Dominic! Lil! C'mon!"

"No, I've got a headache," Lillian replied,

"Are you alright?" I turned to her,

"I'm fine, I just need to sit down," She said to me.

But you were sitting down. With me.

Marlene took both of my hands, continuing her bad singing as Remus joined in, taking another swig of his bottle of beer as he spun around the fire. I laughed, snatching his beer from him which made Remus sing louder in my ear, placing his arms on my shoulders and taking it back once I'd had a swig.