Sixx's Kitten (A Nikki Sixx/Eric Singer, Motley Tale of Love)

Chapter 32- If I Die Tomorrow Part I (Nikki Sixx POV)

A/N: This may be a tear jerker, legit have those tissues on stand-by! Do not own the video for Motley's song included or the lyrics...

I was getting ready to take Frankie over to Vince and Mick's house otherwise known as Mars Mountain, but before I leave, I'm spending some time with my husband while Frankie is in her room with headphones on listening to Queen, I think. I'm worried because Eric is so quiet today. He's Barely talked to me and even to Frankie.  It's so unlike him and god, I am worried! Really that's why I had sent her to her room because she was worried and said Eric needed sleepy and quiet time.

Eric groans hands on his swollen belly and I panic, "What? What is it? Are they ok? Are you ok?"

"Their moving around SO much, my back really hurts, and my feet hurt!", Eric snaps. Uh-oh, mood swings I guess, made all the worse by the fact he's carrying four babies. I know my husband though, something else is wrong.

"Here, let me help you, ok? I've got you kitten." And then I proceed to carefully rub his swollen belly, which seems to calm the babies within down and then I massage his back and feet until Eric let's out a satisfied groan rather than a pained or uncomfortable groan.

"Thanks, Sixxy, that's much better! Um there's something I want to ask.", Eric sounds nervous, and I think I have a feeling why...

"What is Kitten?", My heart drops and I have this sinking feeling in my gut, and I feel I am going to have to tell him 'No'

"Well, I want to get out and go to a drive-thru or something, go with you to drop off Frankie.", Eric whispers.

I close my eyes, the doctor had said for him to wait a few days and he did just get out of the hospital yesterday, "Eric. Sweetheart, I'm sorry but no. You heard what the doctor said, you need to wait. I— ", Eric recoils as if I've slapped him and explodes....

"How fucking strenuous is it for me to sit in the damn car?! Why can't you understand?! The only things I've seen are hotel rooms, our house and the doctor's office and I've been in the hospital for basically a fucking month! I feel like a caged animal! You won't let me do anything!"

"I'm not going to keep you locked up Eric! But you really need to listen to what the doctor says. I know your upset and frustrated, it breaks my heart to see you like this. I just want to keep you safe is all! Make sure your healthy and our babies are too! You just got out of the hospital yesterday!". This was the wrong thing to say....

"I AM listening! I have been and you have no fucking clue how upset I am! None! Why can't I just go with you? You say I'm not a burden, but I am a fucking burden! Fine! Just go! Just fucking go!", Eric rages and I need him to calm down all this isn't good for him or our babies. I feel terrible, I mean what have I done?!

"Eric, please---", Eric cuts me off.

"Don't 'Eric' me Nikki Sixx! Now go! Just go!". I go to try and touch him to try and comfort him, but he's having none of it and God, this hurts so much.... it's not his fault its mine.

"I'm going to go take Frankie, and then I'm going to come back and take care of you. Give you a chance to calm down. I love you, and I only want to protect you. Now if you need anything at all, please call me while I'm gone." I turn to leave shoulders heaving and tears streaming down my face, and I hear Eric sobbing, so I turn around and my heart drops and breaks.... What have I done?!

I have a bad feeling that only increases as I leave the house with Frankie, and I race over to Vince & Mick's and briefly run down that we had a fight and I felt I needed to get back now. They understood....

I break the speed limit, anxiety rising...Amazingly I don't get pulled over, though it certainly wouldn't be the first time and arrive home in record time. I barely park the car and cut the engine and am inside before a person could blink.

My heart sinks, the house is eerily quiet...too quiet. I race upstairs to our bedroom...Calm your ass down Nikki! Maybe Eric is still mad at me, maybe he's sleeping?

I burst into our bedroom and whisper, "No...No...Ok he's got to be here somewhere, yeah please that's got to be it." The bedspread and sheets are rumpled, and I see Eric's phone is still on his side of the bed, I look in the bathroom...nothing. I run across the hall to Frankie's room, Eric's not there either. This is a nightmare! Just like the one...no, no it can't be! Though the fear and pain I'm feeling threaten to bring me to my knees, I keep going thru all the rooms upstairs and then race downstairs thru the rest of the house and the back yard, still no Eric. I had started crying at some point and am just now noticing. I circle around the house once more on the inside in a vain hope, but to no avail. Forlornly, I wonder into the kitchen...tears blurring my vision. Where did Eric go? Is he ok? Is he hurt? Are our quadruplets, ok? Why did I yell at him? Why did I tell him no?

It feels like I'm dying...my chest literally hurts and suddenly I notice a piece of paper on the fridge and it's in Eric's handwriting...no, no!! This is worse than the nightmare I'd had, this is real.... with a trembling hand I reach out and read the letter, which is littered with tear stains, and I sob as I read it.

Dearest Nikki,

I am SO sorry that we fought and once again I took my frustration out on you. Part of it is mood swings, but I.... I just feel like I can't think straight, I feel trapped. I know what the doctor said, I should wait to even go to a drive-thru and literally prop my feet up. I just had to get out, I'm desperate...I've been desperate. I know right now, you're in so much pain. I'm hurting you and I hope you can forgive me. I've already put you thru so much and here I am hurting you further.

I'm angry, I can't do anything! You won't let me! But I know better, you love me, just want me to be safe, our children to be safe. You just want to protect me, but still I just hurt. I know you've told me I'm not a burden, but I am. You my love deserve better; it's how I feel. I don't WANT to feel like I do. I hope you can forgive me Nikki.

Your husband,

Eric

p.s. You know where to find me Sixxy, I love you so very much.... what have I done?!

I sink to the floor and let loose screaming sobs, clutching my husband's letter. He seems so lost, so confused and hurt...I never meant for this to happen! I must find him! I just wanted to take care of him, I would never keep him locked up in the house...I just want him back!! I want to take care of him and show him that he's not a burden, that I love him and there is NO ONE better than Eric, no one.

If I die tomorrow, as the minutes fade away, I can't remember, have I said all I can say? You're my everything you make me feel so alive...it brings out the worst in me when you're not around....

I whisper into the overwhelming silence still sobbing, "Eric, kitten I have to find you! I need you here with me! I need you my love, I need you."

A/N: The storm has been unleashed and Eric's conflicted emotions boiled over, all is not lost though. It will all turn out ok! Next chapter will be from Tommy Thayer's POV and Eric's flight from his husband and how very much Eric regrets doing what he's done.