Sixx's Kitten (A Nikki Sixx/Eric Singer, Motley Tale of Love)

Chapter 42- With Out You Part II (Nikki Sixx POV)

A/N: ANOTHER EMOTIONAL CHAPTER....

Every moment that passes...every minute waiting for the nurse....it feels like an eternity. Still, my mind is reeling...in shock. Eric DIED, for me.... for 2 minutes. His body unable to stand the strain... I almost lost him; I could have lost not only him but our four babies. Thank God they all are alive, but now Eric is in a coma. A sleeping coma.... He could be in it for WEEKS and that kills me. I blame myself for putting him thru this.... it's MY fault. I can't help but think so even though it's not my fault, it's no one's...How will I spend the holidays without him? Christmas is Eric's favorite holiday.... this is just so damn hard....so unfair. Still, I hold out some hope or am trying to...for a miracle.

Frankie is sitting in my lap, face buried in my chest clinging to me with all her might. She's still crying....and so am I. Where the hell is the nurse?! I feel so nervous, so antsy to see Eric...see my children properly. And he said to name them, name them I will.... i have some very special names in mind....

"Daddy?", Frankie asks trembling.

"Yes Frankie.... sweetheart...your trembling...oh honey. Please tell me what's wrong? I know it's more than Mommy."

Frankie sighs, "Daddy.... I kept having that nightmare, it no stop...I didn't tell you, you worried enough. I'm sorry!!"

"Sweetheart, you don't have to EVER be afraid to tell me anything. Even though, I'm going thru so much.... you're my child, if somethings bothering you...scaring you...tell me.", I gently stroke her hair rocking her gently back and forth, tears in my eyes.

"Nikki?", Mick suddenly speaks up and his eyes are shiny with tears, "I can see it in your eyes...you blame yourself for what's happened to Eric. DON'T. I know you can't help it; I went thru something similar as you well know with Vince, with our first-born daughter: Skylar. It's so freaking tough, but Eric loves you so much...he was willing to sacrifice his life for you and I know you'd do the same for him. And this is even more difficult because it's Christmas, but all of us...we are all here for you, For Eric, for your family. Never forget that."

Before I can even attempt to form a reply, finally a nurse comes out and I stand up with Frankie my arms, both of us trembling.

"Mr. Sixx, you can see your husband now. And then we will bring your children in so you can spend time with them, and they can have skin to skin contact with their mother."

I manage to nod, feeling as if on the verge of having a panic attack...internally screaming. Frankie squeezes me, she knows. I feel a hand clap me gently on the back: Mick. "Nikki we're here for you. And all of us.... we're coming with you. I mean what are they gonna do? We're Motley Crüe and Kiss...we're a family." The nurse hears him and nods, smiling gently.... thank God the room is big enough to accommodate a dozen people even if it wasn't...doesn't matter. I need them with me....

Before I know it, we enter Eric's room, Frankie now at my side holding my hand...I enter hesitantly and when I see Eric my heart drops and I falter. A crying gasp escapes me before I can stop it and dropping Frankie's hand, I bring my hands to my mouth. Eric looks deathly pale, hooked up to 1000 different machines, receiving blood and oxygen. His belly is still swollen post-partum, though much flatter than it was. His chest rising up and down....in a slow rhythm. I go to sit at his side, Frankie beside me...I feel her trembling and she cries hard as she climbs into my lap, I take Eric's hand and it's like ice. The others file in, chairs are brought, comfy chairs and everyone settles in. The nurse leaves and says they are bringing the babies and is gone....

"Eric? E-Eric.... oh Kitten! I-I am SO SORRY! I wish.... I wish you were awake! But you need to heal, I know.", I pause hoping somehow, he will respond...he doesn't, he doesn't squeeze my hand, but I know somehow he can hear me. "I know if you could talk...you'd tell me, 'Sixxy it's not your fault, don't blame yourself. I'd do anything for you...', Baby, I-I...y-you...did this for me...for us...I've never...I mean...I love you SO much. I hope you know that Eric...my soulmate...and the babies...our little girls, our son.... their ok. They'll be fine, they are so strong, just like you my love.... they have your heart."

I hear a sound, the sound of.... sure, enough four little special basinets are being wheeled into the room, my babies! Hooked up to oxygen and all those damn wires. They are so damn tiny, but so beautiful...so very beautiful. Eric, oh Eric.... i wish you were awake to see them!

"Mr. Sixx, here they are. Your four precious babies. Your family members sent their little caps to keep their heads warm."

All four of my children are now in front of me and I see what she was talking about.... each of my 3 daughters have a unique cap on their heads, which cover full heads of hair. Each of my girls has a hat in a shade of pink or purple and my son's is blue. All the caps have baby Sixx stitched on each of them.

Lee speaks up softly, "They are from all of us. And there are more." I look at everyone and thank them, then turn my focus back to the nurse as she begins to demonstrate how to carefully hold my children so as not to jostle the various wires they are hooked up to and how to put them back in their special basinets or incubators, I think. Lastly, and very gently I'm told to pull down Eric's hospital gown to where his chest is exposed, I do so carefully but my hands are shaking so badly.

"C-Can we do two at a time?" My voice trembles slightly.

"We certainly can, we must be very careful." The nurse smiles reassuringly at me. Oh, so carefully, I am handed my first-born daughter and I note that from under her cap I spy blonde hair, she get's it from Eric since his hair is naturally blond...though he's dyed it for years. I see in her face, she's a mini version of Eric but she has my nose, and she opens her little eyes, and they are a combo of my husband's and mine, like a stormy sea and suddenly I know what to name her as I place her on Erics chest. "Hey there sweet-heart, it's daddy, your name will be Storm Erica Sixx, the Erica is for Mommy. Aw, don't cry...please...don't fuss. I know you know Mommy's sleeping." Storm begins to fuss. Another little daughter is handed to me, and I carefully place her on Eric's chest as well, holding both my daughters steady and feeling their strong little heart beats. The second born little girl, has a head full of my untamable raven hair and looks like a carbon copy of me, but she has Eric's gorgeous blue eyes..., "You my gorgeous little angel, will be named: Hope Sapphire Sixx, because I have hope that Mommy will wake up soon, hope that he will be ok, and the Sapphire is because you have your mother's eyes." I murmured.

For a while, I don't know how long I carefully hold Storm and Hope against Eric's chest, where gradually they drift off to the sound of Eric's heartbeat. He doesn't stir, the tears fall.... Storm and Hope are then carefully placed back in their bassinets and the guys each gather around it turn to admire them, I hear crying and sniffling all around.

Frankie is among them, smiling or trying to and talking sweetly to her sisters, telling them all about Eric and me. Finally, my third daughter and my son are carefully placed on Eric's chest. My 3rd daughter, is facially a combo of both Eric and I. Her hair is a dark brown. Such a rich brown.... My son is a combo of again both myself and my husband, he however has my eyes. My 3rd little girl, I know what to name her.

"Ruby Tamara Sixx, mommy will love that name." I murmur quietly tears still falling. Eric, my love.... god I wish you could see them. All four of them, open those eyes.... see them...I'm such a wreck!! But Eric, I am SO proud of you. I love you more and more each day. "You my son, will be named Decker Eric Sixx."

Ruby and Decker spend ample time having skin to skin contact with Eric and its so very heart breaking to watch because Eric is here, but NOT at the same time. At last, they too are placed back in their bassinets and passed around so everyone can see. Ruby, Decker, hope, and Storm are then after a while taken back to the NICU and I break down even more....

My babies, they are alive, and they will grow...their hearts are strong just like Eric who has the biggest and strongest heart I know. My love, my dearest love.... I hope and pray for a miracle...I hope you wake up soon, though I know you need time to heal with all you've been thru. I just already miss the sound of your voice...The silence seems so loud...so very loud. I pray for A miracle Eric, I really do. I can't do this with out you...

A/N: CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THOUGHTS ON THIS!