When it rains in the desert

Revelations pt2

Ceils what do you mean?"

She could clearly see I thought she was about to end the relationship and before I could stop her she said "no no, not this" pointing to the space between us "just let me explain first before you say anything, okay?" I reluctantly nodded and she began. " i can't have sex " she blurted. I almost choked at her bluntness but then again my Celia never did beat around the bush

" Wha- What " i said, half laughing, half coughing.

"Let me finish okay? I know that you're only human and I know that humans have needs and desires and it's only a matter of time before one thing leads to another and i'll freak out and put you off forever." She looked back at me, making sure she hadn't scared me yet. I nodded at her to go on. She was still in between my legs and my arms were at her shoulders. She moved closer and rested her arms flat on my legs. She was fiddling with her hands, i'd never seen her nervous before.

"I hate talking about my father, but.." She stopped herself to stop the tear rolling down her cheek. " When me and my brother were around 12, he realized we were...developing" She said struggling to find the words.

I knew where this was going and I felt a lump growing in my throat. " He told us that he had debts, debts that needed to be paid and we had no choice. Then he.. erm..." She was trying so hard not to break, it wasn't working, the tears were too much but if they weren't there, no one would've known she was breaking. She was so calm. " He started bringing friends home to "repay his debts". Some had different preferences so we both had to be there."

i could see this was hurting her and i didn't want her to feel forced to tell me. I couldn't care less about sleeping with her. i loved HER. not her body. but before i could say anything she carried on.

" He would bring them into our room so they could chose which one they wanted or if they wanted both, then when they were done with us they would leave and my father would bring the next one."

She was looking at the ceiling, not able to meet my eyes. "after a while he realized he could make some money out of it and started doing it for business"

I couldn't take it anymore. " the nightmares?" I questioned, looking at her. Her only reply was a nod. It made me so mad. How could this beautiful,beautiful soul that sat in front of me have gone through so much and still have the strength to sit here and barely shed a tear about it. I wanted to hurt him, God, i hoped he was dead.

She wiped her tears and came back to her natural self and said " Yeah, so i understand if you need it, but i can't do it, i just can't" and she stopped, granting me permission to give my opinion. I didn't understand how she shifted so quickly from talking about something so traumatic and then brushing it off like it was nothing.

I cupped her face,  forcing her to look at me. I really needed her to understand this.

" listen Celia, I love you, i'm pretty sure I will always love you, and that means your soul, I fell in love with this" I said pointing at her heart, " and this" I said pointing at her head. " I just need you, that's all" She was looking at me dead in the eye " Okay? " She nodded and lowered her head onto my shoulder and finally allowed herself to cry.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer so that she could break down completely. I could tell she had never given herself the time to process what had happened to her properly, never cried about it properly. I was glad she was getting it out now but it only made me angrier. A tear rolled down my cheek and now we were both crying in her living room.

We both jumped when the doorbell rang to alert us that our food was here. I looked at her as she wiped her tears before going to answer the food. Once the door was closed she returned to where she was before. We spent the rest of the night eating in silence and falling asleep soon after.