When it rains in the desert

Date night Pt 2

"Are we going to be going far?" Celia shouted from the bedroom. I'd been waiting for her on the couch for the past 30 minutes. 

I'd told her to wear some comfy clothes but I wasn't aware that casual entailed this much getting ready. "I can't tell you that" I shouted back.

"Well which shoes, should I wear boots or trainers?" I internally rolled my eyes and tried to fight back a smile. "Do Eenie meenie miney mo" I said chuckling.

He strutted out of the bedroom with her trainers in her hands. "Ha Ha Ha" she said flatly, pushing me in the shoulder.

Another 20 minutes after that we were finally walking out of the door. I felt myself beaming a little, I was so excited. As we got into the elevator I told Celia to turn around whilst I hit the button to get to the roof.

She took my hand in hers when she turned around and waited for the elevator doors to open. Once they did I heard Celia gasp besides me and I knew I'd done well.

I tugged Celia a little forward and she took the cue to follow me out onto the rooftop. I'd gotten back from work a little early and asked Jimmy for all of the building Christmas lights. There were lights at every inch of the roof and in the middle, there was a table.

I was going for the tangled look, but it ended up looking like Santa Claus had thrown up on the roof.

I looked over at Celia, her mouth was open and her eyes had a glimmer of excitement in them. Her hand was clenched at her chest as her eyes scanned over the space. I walked over to her and took her hand.

"Miss Lockheart?"  I said, pulling her back to the present. "May I have this dance?" I saw a whisper of a smile tug at the corners of her mouth before she nodded and placed her hand in mine.

Idiot me, forgot the music."Oop- hang on" I had literally bought a pair of headphones for this. I fished out my phone from my pocket and placed a headphone in both of our ears. I pressed play and she let the smile take over her lips when she heard the song.

oh i'm obsessed....

We danced until the song finished and then played again three more times. We were moving in this comfortable silence and i'd realized something that I should've sooner. There was this crazy intensity about Celia. Not just about her but everything I felt when I was around her. I'd never been able to explain it properly before but I can now see that everything about her, her eyes, the way she approached everything, the way she spoke, the way she made me feel, it was all so intense.

Even when she left, I felt an intense sense of loneliness. Like someone had literally told me to function without my heart. I wasn't lying when I'd told Celia that I almost got fired from work. I just didn't see the point in getting out of bed if, when I got back home, she wasn't going to be there.

It seemed like God enjoyed throwing me this obstacle. This uncertainty of a person I love leaving me and me not knowing if they'll ever come back. First with Lia and then with Celia. It was too much.

I hope that every single person reading this experiences a love as epic as the love I had for Celia. I hope you have the type of love that you can tell the stars about, the type of love you want to cry about.

That can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love. Because when they're around, it feels like your floating. When they touch you, it's like the background is blurred out, you are the only two people in the world at that moment in time and it is magical.

I'd be lying if I said that my happiness depended on Celia, I don't think it's fair to put that responsibility on a person. But what is the point of me being happy if Celia isn't there to share it with? 

But I hope you also never have to experience a love as painful, because I really wish our story could've ended here. I wish there was a pause button, where we could stay in this moment, with My Celia in my arms, where I could monitor each intake and exhale of breath. But I warned you, this was going to be heart breaking. Happiness, after all, does not come for free. No, happiness is expensive, it seemed it was an expense I couldn't afford.

When we finally stopped dancing, I guided her to her seat and pushed it in, taking my seat opposite her. She smiled at me, she looked stunning. She was wearing a pair of leggings with one of my sweaters, but she looked amazing. I don't think she could ever look ugly to me.

I think when you fall in love with someone, everything about them is different. You see them in a different light. For example, right now I could see the slight lift at the corners of her mouth, even as she was eating. I could see the crease in her brow wasn't there. I could see that the tension lines that were usually on her forehead weren't there. I watched her slouch a little.

This was my favorite form of Celia. She was relaxed, off guard. She didn't have a mask in place, she didn't look like she was protecting herself from anything and that told me she felt safe and that was the most comforting feeling ever.

I felt like I was falling in love with her again, she was shoving a spring roll into her mouth and I had to fight the urge to laugh. But I was failing.

"What?" She asked, noticing that I was staring. I was about to grab a napkin to help her wipe off the sauce invading her chin but I didn't have the heart to do it. She looked at home. It was part of the reason i'd told her to dress comfy. I knew that Celia didn't like big flashy dates. I knew that she would much rather have pizza and a movie than go and have an expensive dinner.

"Absolutely nothing" I said, unable to mask my smile. I had so much to be happy right now, how could I not. I couldn't get over the fact that the love of my life was sat in front of me, safe, not exactly unharmed but safe nonetheless.

She swallowed the food in her mouth and and looked at me. "What are you thinking right now?" I'm pretty sure I want to marry you right now. Of course I didn't say this.

Instead, "You have peanut sauce on your chin" I couldn't seem to wipe the smile off my face. "you are smiling this much because I have peanut sauce on my chin?"

I propped my head onto my hands, Nodded slightly "My darling we really need to get you out of the apartment a little more."