When it rains in the desert

Box of Roses

With the letter in my hand I walked over to my bed and dropped it onto the blanket. I knelt down onto the floor and began feeling under my bed for the box that I knew was down there. When I felt it, I pulled it out and sat on the bed with it on my lap.

I remember the first time she brought me flowers, to apologise for stealing my wallet. I was so amused by them I couldn't bring myself to throw them away. So I bought a box and took the petals from the flowers and put them in the box. After that, every bouquet of flowers she had ever bought me, I took a flower and placed it in the box. Sure they were drying up and going all weird but I liked having them there. Like they were a piece of Celia here with me.

Only once id opened the box and let my hand fall inside, the familiar texture of the petals hugged my fingers and I allowed myself to break down. I didn't want to think of the possibility of her not coming back. The thought of losing everything we'd created scared the shit out of me. This little world we had made, it was comfortable but more than that. It was, in a word, ours. And that felt special. The thought of losing it summoned a pain that I couldn't explain deep in my chest. So after a few seconds I got up, washed my face and replaced the box back under the bed.

She was fine and she was coming back. At least I believed this for a few months. I'd decided to keep myself busy until she got back. I was so sure she was coming back. So I threw myself into my work. I worked over time and on my days off. I was being promoted and had gotten my own office after a year at the firm.

I hadn't heard from Celia since the letter she'd sent me four months earlier and it was getting harder and harder to believe she was ever coming back. I didn't quite know what I was doing if I was honest. Ever since I'd met Celia my life had literally revolved around her. I would wake up in the morning, go to work, come home and go out with Celia or chill with Celia or miss Celia. It was like I'd forgotten how to be normal without her. My heart didn't feel the same. Every night I walked up to my apartment and went to bed thinking the bed felt too light. There should've been another body next to me. Her body next to me.

Ever since she'd gone I'd stopped sleeping. It was like my body didn't know how to sleep without her by my side. Like my brain couldn't shut off without knowing where she was and that she was safe. I'd almost booked a flight to England myself to find her but I hadn't a clue where to look. I knew nothing about where she lived or where she might be, only that she was in London. It made me feel helpless. Helpless and incomplete.

Aaron noticed how gloomy I was being, how busy I was with work all the time and called me for a night out. I tried so hard to get out of it but he guilt tripped me with his little sister, she was turning 21 this year and wanted to go out for drinks. I couldn't say no, Cami was my little sister too.

Cami was nothing like her brother was. Where her brother was skinny and tall with blonde hair and blue eyes, Camille was his polar opposite. She had long brown hair and brown eyes, her brother towered over her and looked like a tooth pick compared to her but then again, he looked like a toothpick compared to anyone. When we were kids we used to convince Cami she was adopted and she would cry for hours. She was a year older than Lia and every time I saw her I couldn't help but be reminded of her.

Aaron picked me up at 9 pm and took me to this weird looking club filled with people that looked way too young to be there. It was all wrong. The music was too loud, the crowd was too big. I mean you could barely breathe, how could Aaron actually enjoy this atmosphere? I'd been to clubs before and I knew they weren't my thing, I'd never been a big drinker. I'd seen what it had done to my pops and was put off for life.

My pops was a good man but every now and then he'd get drunk. Like blackout drunk and when that happened let's just say it was best for me and mom to be out of his sight.

We found our way to the bar and Aaron ordered the drinks whilst me and Cami found somewhere to sit. "So how does it feel to be 21? you finally get to sit at the adults table kiddo"I asked, half shouting over the music.

"Well to be honest I feel the same way I did yesterday, drinking's overrated, I'm only doing this because Aaron needed a reason to go out." She said shaking her head.

"Asshole" we both said in unison, laughing. Aaron came back to the table with our drinks and asked if we wanted to, and I quote "get our grove thang on" it sounded like something my mom would say to sound cool. I cringed and politely declined. Cami took the shot In front of her and danced her way into the crowd of children pretending to be old enough to drink, Aaron following her.

I sat and watched them for a while until my phone started ringing. I took it out of my pocket and it was an unknown number. I answered it but it was too loud in the club to actually hear the other side. After a few seconds they cut off and called again. I tried to make my way outside but they cut off again before I made it. I tried to call back but all I was getting was voice mail so I went back inside and headed to the bathroom. Surprise surprise, the bathrooms were disgusting, I could hold it.

I went back to the table and found Cami sat down "I was wondering where you'd gone" she shouted at me.

"Bathrooms" I said, pointing in the direction I just came from. She nodded in response.

"Hey I'm gunna get out of here okay?" I said, hoping Aaron was too busy dancing to notice me gone.

She looked back at me and said " go, I'll tell Aaron you spilled a drink on your shirt or something" she was smiling now, I moved forward to hug her goodbye and left, grateful for the cold breeze that hit me as soon as I opened the door. It was the middle of January and the coat I was wearing was doing very little to keep me warm, but it was better than the hundreds of bodies inside sweating like pigs.

I was getting ready to call a cab when I realised I hadn't taken a walk in months. I hadn't felt the healing properties of a walk in a while so i decided to walk home.