When it rains in the desert

Letters From Celia

Hello my darling. I know you probably have a lot of questions and i don't blame you. First of all, i'm okay, I promise. I'm back in England. When Maggie called that morning I booked the first flight back. Maggie was my uncles right hand man. He's actually called Magnus but we always called him Maggie. When I escaped he reached out to me telling me that he wanted to take my uncle down but we both knew what happened to snitches. At first I thought he was playing me so I approached with caution. But then he sent me Carters drawings. I know it sounds stupid but they were the only thing Carter actually cared about. He'd kept them in a place he didn't even tell me about. The only way he could've found them was if Carter gave them to him, which meant that Carter trusted him. so I did too.

He'd been sending me information about my uncle and together we were compiling enough evidence to to send him to jail. the only way we could do that though, was to have enough information to get us into witness protection. We were both just as guilty as my uncle was. I told you before that i'd done a lot of dodgy things in England to survive and I don't want you to think less of me because of them.

Anyway, Maggie thought he could stay close to my uncle to gather information, but my uncle was a clever man. He caught on after a while. Maggie was long gone by the time Rick had found out and with plenty of evidence too. But after Maggie left, my uncle had gone AWOL. When Maggie called the other day it was because my uncle had been spotted crossing the border back into England.

There was new Intel about Carter. i had to go, you have to understand that my love.

Carter had always had problems, it wasn't hard for me to believe he commit suicide, i'd seen the signs. The scars on his wrists, the smoking, the drugs, the drinking. Sometimes he would stop talking to everyone, he'd disappear and I would have to fill in for the both of us so our uncle wouldn't notice. It was exhausting sometimes but as you already know I would've done anything for my brother. He'd gone on one of his "disappearing acts" when i'd found my way to escape. The doctor that called me to tell me he'd died said that he'd taken pills. At first they thought he'd over-dosed by accident but the note next to him convinced them that he'd done it on purpose. I mean it was inevitable right ? We'd came into this world through drugs, it only made sense that we'd leave that way too.

It was the Axiom Of Equality. I always hated math but this was the only concept that actually made sense to me, i'd read it in a book once. it's the concept that X will always equal X. No matter how much you wish for it to be Y or Z, it will always be X. Our shitty lives will always equal our shitty little lives.

I'd come to terms with Carters death, and then Maggie told me that there was evidence that Carter was murdered. The drugs he'd overdosed on, were impossible to get into the country. The only person who had access to them, was my uncle. This specific batch of drugs, was only handled through Maggie and my uncle. Maggie believed after I left, Carter was killed because my uncle noticed he wasn't pulling his weight, and my uncle had no time for failures.

I hope you'll understand that I have to go after my uncle, I can't just let him get away with this.

I love you Jacob Mendoza.
-Celia.