Gintama x Reader One Shots

Kamui x Reader: Death Grip

It was four in the morning when (F/N) awoke, blinking the sleep from her eyes. The first thing she became aware of was a heavy arm draped over her, and a warm chest rising and falling by her side. The second thing she became aware of was the growing pressure in her bladder.

She grunted, and rolled over, planning to stumble through the dark to the bathroom for a quick pee before collapsing back into the sheets, but when she tried to sit up, something clamped down, like an iron bar around her waist.

"Dammit, Kamui..."

(F/N) gritted her teeth, and grabbed his arm in both hands, trying to pry it off. She almost got it, but just as she managed to slither out towards freedom, his other hand darted out, grabbing her and yanking her back into bed. She screamed, and beat on his head, kicking and flailing as she tried to get out of his grip.

"Kamui, you bastard!" she snapped. "Let go! I just need to pee! It's not like I'm going to leave you or anything—"

There was a snore behind her, and she slapped her forehead. Of course he was still asleep! Kamui was nothing if not inconvenient.

Heaving a sigh, (F/N) tried prying off his arms, strong as steel around her waist. Nope. No getting out of that. If anything, his grip had gotten tighter. After that, she went for the pinky—a self-defense technique Abuto had taught her some time ago—but even with all her strength, she couldn't get his pinky to move an inch, much less bend it to the point where it would hurt.

She sighed. Step one and step two had failed, now it was time for step three.

Gritting her teeth, she grabbed the headboard, and tried to pull herself upwards, out of Kamui's arms, but to no avail. His grip was too tight, and her hips were in the way. Next, she tried scooting down, but that didn't work, either. Too much chest and shoulder. She let out a growl.

"Kamui, you bastard...I swear you'll pay for this."

With that, she twisted around in his arms, and grabbed his ear.

"Oi, Kamui! Dumbass! Wake up! We're out of food! Kamui!"

Not even a twitch of the eyelid, and (F/N) cringed.

"Wow, he really is out of it. Dammit, Kamui! Wake up! I can't take this, anymore!"

She pulled his hair, slapped his cheek, and finally pinched his nose shut, genuinely wondering whether he'd just give up breathing and die. But the moment her fingers touched his nose, he rolled over, dragging her with him in a tangle of legs and hair.

"What are you—Kamui, Kamui, let go! Augh! Let me go! I hate you!"

The rolling stopped, and she found herself trapped under him, one arm awkwardly folded behind her back, the other squished under her shoulder. Her cheek was smooshed into the pillow, one nostril pressed shut. Meanwhile, Kamui was still happily snoring along on top of her.

"...Oh, well. Guess I'll die."

She shut her eyes, willing sleep to overtake her once more, but the combination of her ever-cramping bladder, and her arm gradually going numb behind her made that impossible. Kamui's arms, strong as iron, clamped harder around her waist, and he rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. She nudged him.

"Oi, are you waking up yet?"

He nuzzled her cheek. "(F/N)-chan...more food. Make me more food."

She scowled. "I should pee on you."

That did it. She had to get up early tomorrow, and she wasn't getting any more sleep like this. With her boyfriend's annoying sleep talk to spur her on, (F/N)'s mind raced, searching for a solution. She had no leverage in this position, she could barely move, and she'd been dragged all the way over to Kamui's side of the bed. What could she do? Something...anything...

She gasped. That's right—a few days ago, they'd gone shopping in an Earthen market, and he'd picked something up—an air horn he'd thought was cool. Like everything else he bought, it wound up being abandoned almost immediately—much to the relief of the crew—but he'd set it on his bedside table. She might be able to reach it if she tried.

She wiggled her dominant hand out from under her, and reached out, straining for the table. She could see the outline in the dark, see the place he'd set the air horn in her mind's eye. She felt the edge of the table, and scooted as far as she could, relishing in the sensation of the rough wood under her fingers. She reached farther and farther—notepad, phone, alarm clock. Then she felt it—the smooth sensation of plastic.

"Finally—"

He shifted. She was lifted into the air, dragged away from the table, towards the other side of the bed. She screamed, throwing herself forward—back to the table, back to her salvation. Her hands scrambled for purchase—phone, lamp, alarm clock. Then, finally, her hand struck the airhorn, and a blaring sound echoed throughout the ship.

"Augh!"

"Gah!"

And with that, they both went tumbling to the floor.

~o0o~

"That was mean, (F/N)-chan."

"You brought this on yourself." (F/N) folded her arms over her chest. "I keep telling you not to cuddle me while we're falling asleep."

"But when else will I cuddle you? We're both so busy!"

"We can find time, okay? Just..." She sighed, shaking her head. Kamui sat across from her on the bed, staring at her with his big blue eyes, a bump on his head from cracking his skull on the bedside table on his long descent to the floor. He'd automatically shielded her during their fall, and for that, she was grateful.

"Look, you're the captain, right?" (F/N) reminded him. "You can alter our schedules. Just please, please stop grabbing me at night. If I have to wrestle you one more time at some ungodly hour of the night just to use the bathroom, I'm going to scream."

"You already scream. A lot. All the time."

"That's beside the point." She sighed. "Look, let's go back to bed, okay? We'll talk about this more in the morning."

"Okay. Fine."

They returned to bed, and (F/N) was just getting comfortable under the warm covers when a familiar pair of arms wound around her waist.

"Um...Kamui," she said, "what did I just say about cuddling me before bed?"

"But it's only two hours before we have to get up," he pointed out. "I don't think you'll need to go to the bathroom again anytime soon, so this should be fine, right?"

(F/N) shot him a dubious look. "Well...all right, if you insist."

~o0o~

An hour later, (F/N) woke up, an iron clamp around her waist, and a familiar feeling of pressure in her bladder.

"I really need to start drinking less before bed."

Author's Note: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story, and if you did, please remember to vote. Thanks!

-Marguerite Partello