Gintama x Reader One Shots

Okita Sougo x Short!Reader: Too Damn Cute

(F/N) had many regrets in life—the time fumbled around in the dark and stepped on her (dog/cat)'s tail, the time she had to give a speech in class and her voice broke...she had many regrets, but none of them compared to one particular mistake.

Giving Okita Sougo a key to her house.

That evening, she had come home after an exhausting day of work, and stumbled into her bathroom hoping for a nice, hot shower. Little did she know, her demonic best friend had switched the 'H,' and the 'C' on the handles, and, having the sense of direction of a guinea pig on a tilt-a-whirl, she turned the handle labeled 'H' all the way to max. Instead of being greeted with a blast of warm, relaxing water, she was greeted with the coldest water dredged up from the bottom of the Arctic Ocean.

There was no doubt in her mind who the perpetrator was. Freezing and drenched, she stormed out of the shower, fully intending to call Okita and scream at him until he regretted being born, but, no, that was too lenient. This was an issue that had to be resolved in person.

~o0o~

"Where's that sadistic demonic freak in human skin?"

Hijikata pointed without so much as a single question. She supposed this was a fairly regular occurrence in his life. After all, in the past three months, Okita had messed with her GPS, making her late for work, set several—fortunately harmless—smoke bombs in her kitchen, tainted everything in her fridge with Tabasco sauce, and took her (cat/dog) back to the Shinsengumi Base while she was out, left her apartment door open, and watched her run around for two hours thinking her precious pet had run away. He hadn't even been the one to tell her it was a 'prank.' Hijikata called from the Shinsengumi Base to let her know the animal was safe. She was pretty sure Okita had lost the hearing in his left ear after that incident.

(F/N) threw open the door to the training hall to find Okita standing in the middle of the room, warming up with some practice swings. His jacket and cravat were off, and his white shirt was partially unbuttoned. Normally, (F/N) would have paused a moment to admire the scene, but this was not the time to stop and think about how hot her best friend was. Instead, she ran at him, grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt, and shaking him as hard as she could—which wasn't very hard.

"Sougo, you asshole!" she shouted. "Didn't I tell you not to enter my apartment when I'm not there? I could have died!"

"Eh?" he said with a frustratingly blank expression. "I didn't realize Chihuahuas could die from cold. I'll have to be more careful from now on."

(F/N) gritted her teeth. "I'm not a...look here! I'm pissed as hell, and I'm not letting you brush me off this time! You're being cruel, and unreasonable, and—"

He swatted her hands off. "Uh-huh...yap, yap, yap, I know. Look, are you planning to stay here for dinner? If so, I'll have to let the cooks know."

"I'm not a Chihuahua!" she snapped, scrambling to follow him as he walked away. "Listen to me, dammit! That's my private property! You shouldn't be trespassing!"

He propped his sword against the wall. "I'm a cop. Don't lecture me about trespassing, and don't forget..." He grinned at her. "You gave me the key."

"A momentary lapse in judgment! Give it back!"

"No way. This is way too entertaining."

"Entertaining?" she exclaimed. "I'm angry! Take me seriously, goddammit! I'm trying to be intimidating!"

She felt a hand on her head, and looked up to see Okita smirking at her.

"You? Intimidating? Sorry, (F/N)-chan, but I've told you several times—you're too damn cute for that."