Gintama x Reader One Shots

Kamui x Reader: Pure Evil

(F/N) hated a lot of things, from stubbing her toe, to having to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work, but of all the things she hated, the thing she hated most was the Harusame Pirates' Captain Koro.

Why did she hate him so much? Well...

He'd say things like this...

"I didn't realize Captain Kamui has a fetish for humans."

And this...

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Seventh Division's human mascot."

And this...

"You need to push that door, not pull. Honestly, humans are so dumb."

And it led to things like this...

"Augh!" (F/N) screamed into a pillow. "I hate him...I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate him! I want to tear his tail off and then cook it into a stew, and..."

"If you hate him so much, why don't you just kill him?"

(F/N) paused her rage for a moment to look at her boyfriend. Kamui sat on the floor of her room, snacking on potato chips. She'd honestly give anything to be as carefree as he was, even for a day.

"I can't kill him," she said with a sigh. "The Admiral would have me executed..."

"You're probably right." He thought for a moment, and shrugged. "Oh, well. I'm out of ideas. Can we cuddle now?"

(F/N) opened her mouth to say no, she wasn't done talking, but he was already behind her, wrapping her in his arms.

"Don't you ever get tired of cuddling?" she muttered.

He shook his head. "Not with you! Nope!"

(F/N) sighed, and leaned her head against his chest, listening to the faint thump, thump, thump of his heart.

He could stand to be a little more considerate. Oh, well. That's Kamui for you, I guess.

Now what to do about Captain Koro...

~o0o~

The next day, (F/N) was at the mess hall getting lunch when she felt a familiar presence behind her. She turned around just in time to see Koro snicker.

"Well, if it isn't the little human. It's good to see Captain Kamui is keeping you well-fed."

She ignored him, and went back to serving herself. When she didn't answer, he came to stand beside her, shoveling his plate full of chicken.

"I'm against animal abuse, after all. I couldn't just stand by and watch while the Captain starved his pet human to death..."

(F/N) gripped the serving spoon so hard the handle cracked. That was it. She had to do something.

She glanced over her shoulder. Kamui was busy stuffing his face, already. He wouldn't be any help. What could she do? Think...think...

She grinned. Yes, that was it...

She took a deep breath, and let out a loud laugh.

The whole mess hall fell silent as her voice echoed off the walls. Once she was out of breath, she exclaimed as loud as she could, "You're so funny, Captain Koro!"

He stared at her.

"You think I'm...funny?"

She chuckled. "Animal abuse? Kamui's pet? You're absolutely hilarious!"