Alren: Scared Of Happy

Chapter 34

This one is a little short and I apologize but I gotta leave y'all in suspense >:)

Trigger warning: Self Harm.

Song in this Chapter: Anyone Else by PVRIS

Enjoy ;)

Incoming Facetime Call from Lauren

Oh god. I don't know what to even say. Should I answer her? My heart is breaking just thinking about the kiss between her and that dancer. But my heart shatters even more knowing I kissed Camila as well. Why did I do that? That poor girl has been through enough already. Why did she kiss me back though? I have to talk with Camila. I also need to talk to Lauren. I look back down at the phone. Shit I missed her call. I don't know what to do.

Incoming Facetime Call from Lauren

And she's calling again, great. Okay Ally. You can do this. Just press the green button. I sigh and press the button and Lauren's worried face appears on the screen. Why is she worried? I just stare blankly at her as her eyes scan my face before speaking. "Ally, I need to tell you something. Something happened and I don't know why it happened but it did." She speeds out and I just sigh. Here we go. "I know already." I say and her brows furrowed together. "What? But it just happened? I-" She starts but I cut her off. "Your performance was aired live to TV. I saw everything." I state with no emotion. Her eyes go wide. "My love-" she goes again but I stop her. "Don't call me that right now." I say. Her beautiful green eyes turn a forestry color and she frowns at me. "Ally, You got it all wrong okay? Lucy, She got caught up in the moment and I pushed her off immediately. She knows I have a girlfriend and feels really bad about it." She explains as I listen. So the bitch has a name. Great. "That doesn't change the fact that it happened Lauren. And on national Television. You know the media is going to have a field day with this and hate is going to come both our ways" I sigh and she frowns again looking at me intently. "It won't come back on you Ally. It will be on me and I will deal with it, but you should have no hate your way at all. No one hates you. You're not the bad guy here. I am." She says and I sigh again. "Except I am the bad guy here too" I mumble to myself.

"What do you mean?" Lauren asks and I stare back at her wide eyed. She heard that? Great. I sigh again and tears start to well in my eyes. "I- I um I was so angry and hurt by what I saw and it looked like you enjoyed yourself there that- That I - oh for fucks sake. I kissed Camila out of spite of you and I feel terrible about it because I know you and I know you would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. Not after we opened up to each other but I did it and it got heated for a moment and I just hate myself more then ever and you should too because I did it intentionally to hurt you." I let out as a tear fell down my face. I look back at the screen and I can't read Laurens face right now which scares me. "I got to go" She says and hangs up before I can say anything. I let out a frustrated groan and threw my phone on the floor before curling up into a ball on our bed. Clutching Laurens hoodie, I end up crying myself asleep.

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I stir awake to a knock on my door. I blink my stinging eyes open and look at the door before throwing my face back down onto the pillow. There's another knock and the door opens this time.

"Ally?" I hear Camila say softly into the room. My heart clenches. "Go away Camila" I say with a sniffle. I hear her sigh before she walks into the room more and sits down on the bed. What part of going away did she not understand? "We need to talk, Ally. And it can't wait." She says. Sighing, I sit up still clutching Laurens hoodie and look at her. "What Mila?" I ask. She sighs and starts to play with her fingers. "You kissed me. A-and I kissed you back. I know you love Lauren. I do too, Not the way you do but I love her like a sister and I hate myself for doing this to her." She starts. You and me both girl. I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. "So with that being said, I know that the kiss was a mistake but it sparked something in me and that's not okay or fair to either of you. S-So I'm going to take Sofi and move in with Dinah until I can find my own place. It's better this way for all of us. This way when Lauren comes back you two can work things out without having to look at me everyday knowing what I did." She says and sniffles a little. My heart breaks. She's right and it's probably for the better but it hurts nonetheless. I nod my head at her and play with my fingers. "Mila, I'm sorry for putting you in this position. It wasn't fair to you at all. I wish I could take it back." I say and wipe my eyes again. She reaches up and cups my cheek with her hand, running her thumb across my cheek. I stiffen at the touch and she frowns, taking her hand away.