Alren: Scared Of Happy

Chapter 12

I can't sleep. There's no way I can sleep. How do you sleep after something like that happened? Lauren kissed me. But why? She hates me. She thinks something's wrong with me. So Why? Why the hell did she kiss me? I'm just laying here, staring at the ceiling. Lauren is still sleeping peacefully. I look over at the clock on the nightstand. 5:45 am. We have to get up in fifteen minutes. Well there goes the idea of getting any sleep. I sigh getting up and walking to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and lock it. I walk into the bathroom more and look at myself in the mirror, I frown. Why am I so ugly? Why am I so fat? Why am I so short? There's bags under my eyes and tear stains on my cheeks from all the crying I've done. God I'm such a wuss. What on Earth is wrong with me? My face pales and I realize what today is. It's our last show. Which means tomorrow we go home to our families. Oh no. No I can't. I can't go back there. Not after Lauren outed me. They know for sure now. What am I going to do? What will they say? Will they just shut the door in my face? Will they disown me? Will they hate me? I sniffle and taste my salty tears on my lips. I look back at myself in the mirror. Why am I still here? Why am I still breathing? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't still be breathing. Dinah should've never saved me from the guys. She should've just left me there so they could beat me to death. Chills run down my spine. Death. That's all that goes through my mind. I don't belong on this Earth. I don't deserve to be. I don't deserve to be loved or cared for. I deserve to be dead. I turn away from the mirror and face the shower. I quickly turn on the water and start to fill up the tub. I watch as the water fills up. I don't deserve happiness. Once the tub is filled I shut the water off and just stand there looking at it. I don't deserve to live. I get in the tub, holding my breath, letting my head go under the water. I deserve to be dead.

I feel water in my lungs. Why does this feel better than breathing? There's a sudden pressure on my chest. It's constant. What's happening? Is this what dying feels like? I suddenly feel the water coming up my throat and my eyes shoot open as I cough up water. Once I've coughed up all the water I'm breathing heavily and hear a loud sob catching my attention. I look over and see Lauren curled up into herself. Her back against the sink and her knees pulled up to her chest. She's shaking. How? What? How did she get in here? I locked the door. I look over at the door and see it broken. Oh. Well I guess that's how she got in. But why? Why did she save me? She hates me. I'm disgusting to her. So why? I look back over at her, my breathing finally calming down. "L-Lauren?" I stutter out. Her head shoots up and her wide green eyes stare into my brown ones. Tears are streaming down her face faster and a sob leaves her mouth. I sigh softly. As much as I try to be mad at her for what she did, I just can't stay mad. I crawl over to her and wrap my arms around her. She leans her head against the side of mine, tears still falling. "This is all my fault." She barely whispers. My heart breaks. She thinks this is her fault? God no. It's far from it. She can't blame herself for this. None of this is her fault. It's mine. I cup her cheek making her look into my eyes. Her once bright emerald eyes are now a sad grey color. Oh Lauren. "This is not your fault. You are not the reason behind this you hear me? This is my own fault due to my own thoughts." I say softly stroking the pad of my thumb across her cheek. "All of this is my fault Ally. I should've never called you the things I've called you. I never should've outed you to the media just because I was struggling within myself. I took the anger I felt towards myself on you. And I'm so sorry Ally. I'm so fucking sorry." She confesses starting to sob again. I pull her into me holding her close letting her cry it out. I rub her back trying to sooth her.

"My reasoning behind this and my scars are not because of you Lo, it's because of me. So please stop blaming yourself. I forgive you okay? Please don't beat yourself over something you have no control over." I say softly continuing to rub her back and kissing her head lightly. She wraps her arms around me but then instantly pulls them back. She pulls back completely looking into my eyes. "We might want to get you out of these wet clothes before you get yourself sick." She says with a light laugh. I laugh a little too as she stands up holding her hand out to me. "Come on, let's find you some clothes." She says. I take her hand and she helps me back up. Things between Lauren and I will hopefully go back to normal. At least that's what I hope.

Later on in the day, everything seems normal between all of us, well except for me and Camila. But I know Dinah will talk to her and everything between Mila and I will be okay eventually. I hope. We just finished our last show and all of us are in tears. As much as we wanted this tour to end we all are gonna miss it and miss meeting the fans. But we all miss our families more and this is a much needed break before we start to write our next album. We change out of our tour outfits and into comfy clothes. "Who wants to go out to eat to celebrate the end of such a great tour?" Dinah asks. All of us agree and the girls head out of the room except Lauren and I. She comes over to me and wraps me in a hug kissing the top of my head. I smile hugging her back. We pull apart and she looks at me. "You coming?" She asks. "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute I just need to find my phone." I say. She smiles and nods kissing my forehead and leaving the room. I quickly make my way into the bathroom and pull out my old friend. God it's been too long. I have to make this quick so I quickly make four new cuts and clean up. I exit the bathroom and grab my purse. I walk out of the dressing room and bump into somebody. I quickly apologize and look up at the person who I bumped into. My face pales and I freeze in my spot.

"Did you miss me?"

So... Yeah.. That happened..

So who do you think Ally ran into?

Will Lauren and Ally stay on good terms?

Let me know what you think!

Love y'all!

Stay Beautiful and Strong

-Kisses Taylor