Alren: Scared Of Happy

Chapter 8

It's been weeks since the incident with Lauren and I've avoided her and the other girls as much as I can. The tour is almost over and as much as I'll miss being on tour I'm so happy it's almost over. This way I can be away from Lauren and maybe the feelings towards her will disappear. Maybe that's why. Being on tour and seeing Lauren everyday is why this silly phase hasn't passed. Once I'm away from her for a few months I'll be fine. The feelings will go away and I'll be normal again. Every time I see Lauren I see her looking at me wanting nothing more than to confront me about what I confirmed for her a few weeks ago. But she doesn't and I'm grateful for it. She tries to talk to me but I don't give her the time of day. I just want this tour to be over. I want to go home and see my family. My heart breaks a little at the thought of my family. Throughout this entire tour I haven't heard from any of my family once. The other girls hear from their families at least once a week. Why hasn't mine contacted me? Do they know? No that's not possible. Right? They can't know. Maybe they're just busy. I haven't been on Twitter in months. Cause all I ever saw was hate. People saying how worthless I am, how fat I am, how ugly I am, how terrible I am at singing. The last time I was one Twitter I saw a ton of tweets telling me to just kill myself. The fact that I've considered it makes tears sting my eyes and my heart hurt. The other girls always glance at me worried about what happened weeks ago but none of them have confronted me about it. They all just glance at me. They don't talk to me anymore. I'm back to being invisible but not completely. I don't want their pity. That's all I see in their eyes. Pity. It's not like they even care. They don't even love me I bet. They probably all hate me. They just have to deal with me because I'm in the band. All the smiles and happiness was all a lie probably. They all have probably hated me since the beginning. I would hate myself too. They're probably tired of me. I know I'm tired of me. Maybe I really should just end it. It's not like anyone would care. They are all staring at me and I can't take it. I stand up and walk to the bathroom quickly locking it when I hear one of them get up. Most likely Lauren. She knocks on the door but I ignore her. I pull off my shirt and see that scatter of scars on my stomach and arms. I'm running out of places to cut. I'll have to start cutting my thighs and reopen old scars just to be able to keep going. I sniffle and grab my blade. I press it to my wrist and cut. I hiss in pain a little and start to hear Lauren frantically knocking on the door. I ignore her and continue until I've made ten cuts. I put band-aids on them and put my shirt back on. I put my blade in my pocket knowing when I open that door Lauren is gonna try and look for it and I can't have her find it. I take a deep breath and open the door. I glance up at Lauren who has tears streaming down her face and my heart break in half. I'm the reason she's crying. She's hurting because of me. She tries to hug me but i slip away and to my bunk. I hear her frantically searching the bathroom for my blade as I crawl into my bunk and hide the blade. I hear the other girls trying to calm Lauren down but she continues to sob and I try to resist going to her. I sigh and get out of my bunk. I look at the other girls who are all looking at Lauren worried. I shoo them away telling them I got her and they nod walking away. I look down at Lauren who is curled up on the floor of the bathroom sobbing. I blink away tears and grab her hands pulling her up to her feet only to be immediately have her arms around me squeezing me to her. I wrap my arms around her rubbing her back. I pull back a bit and grab her hand pulling her out of the bathroom and to the back room. I lay down on the couch and let Lauren cuddle up to me. I run my fingers through her hair as she continues to cry and hold onto me tightly. She holds onto me afraid I'll disappear. I kiss the top of her head and continue to run my fingers through her hair as she starts to come down. Soon enough her breathing evens out and she falls asleep continuing to hold onto me tightly. I hear a noise and look at the doorway to the back room to see the girls all looking at Lauren worried. We all know Lauren rarely cries. I've seen her cry a few times but the others never see her cry so I can imagine how worried they must be. "Is she okay?" I hear Dinah ask with a shaky voice. I nod my head leaning down to kiss Lauren's head again and look over at the girls. "She will be." I say softly. "Go to bed girls, She'll be okay." I tell them and they nod softly and go to their bunks closing the door. I look up at the ceiling and take a deep breath. I look back down at Lauren and run my fingers through her hair again. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep. I let my tears fall. "I love you Lauren Jauregui." I whisper as my tears fall faster.

So.. Yeah.. That happened😅

What did you think?

Um.. Warning..
Prepare yourselves for next chapter..

Love y'all❤

Stay Beautiful and Strong✊

-Kisses Taylor