Planet of the Stars

Chapter 51: Lincoln Wisdom

We were back on the Spector. When Helana asked us what had happened Efren told her what Theo and he did. He never mentioned what happened to me. I knew he was leaving that for when I was ready to tell her. I went to visit Lincoln, Kira, and Eva after that. I was currently sitting in the ship's main area and Lincoln and Kira were sitting across from me and Eva was asleep in Kira's arms. I told them everything that happened on that last planet, although I left out certain things because I think I could only bring myself to talk to Lincoln about that.

Lincoln knew firsthand what that was like. Kira seemed to notice there was something I wasn't saying because she made up an excuse to go away. I watched her go, then Lincoln brought my attention back to him.

"Skye, what's wrong? What aren't you telling Kira?" Lincoln asks.

"When I was in the arena I had to fight innocent people and I had to kill them. I was never going to do that, meaning I would have lost. I heard a voice. They told me to give in to them they would pack me away into a corner of my mind and I wouldn't have to do anything. I didn't have much time before I was expected so I said yes, even though I knew I should not have," I say.

I look up and see Lincoln's eyes trained hard on me. I couldn't meet them so I looked back down to the floor.

"Show me," Lincoln says.

"Lincoln, please I don't want to have to revisit that," I whisper.

"I know, but the only way I can help is if you show me, and the only way you can move on is if you face them," Lincoln says.

I sigh but nod. Lincoln offers me his hand. I take it and I close my eyes allowing Lincoln to delve into my memories. I see everything that lincoln was seeing, and it was everything I did during that fight. I try to look away, but Lincoln holding my hand was enough to help keep me standing.

When I finish he pulls out of my mind. We were back in the ship sitting across from each other. I was looking down.

"Skye, look at me," Lincoln whispers.

I force myself to look into his blue eyes. There was no judgment. There was only understanding, and I knew he still thought only the best of me.

"There is one thing that I need you to understand," Lincoln says.

I look up and he takes my hand, squeezing it for reassurance, I didn't know if it was for him, or me, maybe it was for both of us.

"That was not you! You were not in control of your body something else was possessing your mind. The dark side of the force like to manipulate people into doing what they want. I should know I was at their mercy for years. You needed to live, but you didn't want to kill anyone, so the dark side of the force saw an opportunity and took it.

You having the past that you do and being able to resist the dark side of the force for as long as you have is incredibly awe-inspiring. And when you gave into it you were able to get out of it incredibly quickly. You cannot blame yourself for this," Lincoln says.

"What have you done to feel better about what you have done?" I ask.

Lincoln smirks and there was sadness in his eyes.

"I don't feel better about what I have done. Yes, some of those things I did I was manipulated to do. I have found the best way to even feel a bit better is to atone for everything I have done. I am taking down the organization I was the face of and caused a lot of suffering. I try to raise my daughter to be a better person than I ever was.

I love my wife as best as I can and then try even harder. I surround myself with people who I know will stop me from doing things that aren't right," Lincoln says.

I nod a tear escaping my eye.

"Skye, you have already done more than anyone to try and atone for this one thing. You're leading a ton of people to a planet to keep it from dying, and to keep these people alive. All these trials you have done have made you incredibly selfless. You're carrying a force inside you that has a dark side, but you constantly act on the good side of it, and you choosing to act on that side is what really matters," Lincoln says.

I don't say anything.

"Skye, you have to forgive yourself. That's the only way you're going to get through this," Lincoln says.