The Last Marauder Standing || Sirius Black

37-Written in the Stars

*Mature content warning*

Two months is a lot of time in the life of a seventh-year Hogwarts student. Two months means finals are approaching, and my time as a student is also coming to an end. However, while the past two months have felt incredibly long, not much has happened since Dumbledore revealed my grandmother's past to me.

I decided not to tell Sadie. Yet. I figured it was too soon, and she loved Griselda Gwendolyn, not Leta Lestrange. I didn't want to change her view of our grandmother so soon after her death. I would tell her eventually, but just not now. Not while she was still grieving. She was definitely in better spirits lately, and she was being much kinder to me and my friends, but I could still see the sadness in her eyes from time to time. Especially when I visited her as a cat in her dorm at times when she felt most vulnerable.

The only person I told was Sirius, not because I enjoy keeping secrets from my other friends, but because I needed time to come to terms with this new information before I shared it. I knew I couldn't keep it from Sirius though, and besides, I wanted his help figuring everything out and uncovering my past.

He helped me do research on Leta Lestrange because, while I had heard about her, I never knew exactly who she was. I wish I could have gotten to know her then before she was forced to hide her identity.

Sirius was shocked to find out exactly how pureblooded I was, coming from two of the most well-known pureblooded families in existence. However, he wasn't upset like I thought he might be. Instead, he just didn't care. I don't know why I thought he would. Sirius spent a lifetime running away from blood prejudice, I should have known he would love me no matter what.

He was, however, very interested in the group Dumbledore was planning to create as a resistance against Voldemort (I also decided to start using his real name to reduce my fear of it). Sirius was a bit annoying about it, actually. He never shut up about it. So much so that Dumbledore called him to his office to give him more information. Sirius told James, Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Alice, and Frank, all of which thought it was a brilliant idea. All but me. We were too young. Too young to be fighting in a war. Our lives hold so much possibility, I don't want to see it ripped away from the people I love. Not to mention I had to think about Sadie. I am her legal guardian now that I'm 17. If something happened to me... she would be completely on her own. We have no other family.

Sirius knew I was hesitant about joining what Dumbledore was now calling "The Order of the Phoenix", and so he didn't talk about it much when I was around which I was thankful for, but I also felt bad. I knew he wanted to participate in this war more than anything, to be a hero and save the wizarding world from a dark wizard, but all I wanted was for him to be safe. To have a long and happy life with him.

Sirius and I were talking to lunch one afternoon the week before exams when he mentioned it to me for the first time in weeks. We held hands as we went, and he suggested it casually as to not bombard me with his request.

"So... I know you're on the fence about it but... the Order is going to meet this summer. Dumbledore has been recruiting witches and wizards from Hogwarts, the ministry, and from all over the world to help and give us some information on the spread of the war. I just... I just want to know that you won't be upset if I join" He stated quietly, and I could tell this made him nervous. He wanted my approval, and I wasn't sure I could give it to him because my fear was holding me back.

"Sirius... I want you to be happy. I want you to do this if it's what you think is right but... I don't know if I can" I sighed, shaking my head. He looked down in disappointment. "I won't hold you back, but I'm terrified this isn't going to be as fulfilling as you think it is. I'm terrified something will happen..." I trailed off.