The Last Marauder Standing || Sirius Black

18-The Monster

I woke up the next morning dreading going down to breakfast. I knew I would see him there, and I knew I had to tell him my true feelings, and for some reason, I was so terrified. Lily came in not too long after me last night, and we filled her in on everything before bed. Her reaction was similar to Marlene and Alice's, but she understood why I didn't want a relationship with him. However, she did agree that I should tell him how I really feel instead of hiding it.

I finally forced myself out of bed, too hungry to wait any longer. Alice and Lily were already up and getting dressed, and Marlene was of course still sleeping. I decided to wear a simple sweater and some jeans since today would be a simple day consisting of staying inside and studying for me.

"You feeling okay Estella?" Lily asked, probably noticing how stressed I was.

"Yea! Totally fine. Just a little stressed is all. You know, the whole kissing one of my friend's thing and probably ruining our friendship and now having to tell him how I feel but also tell him I don't want to date his thing is getting to me" I rambled on, something I do when I'm nervous. Lily and Alice gave me a worried look. "I'm fine though!"

"We've all been through something like this Estella!" Alice exclaimed, putting her arm around my shoulder. I gave her a questioning look.

"Oh? When?" I shook my head.

"Well... I had to tell Frank how I felt before we dated, and look at us now!" She tried making me feel better.

"I don't want to date Sirius!" I exclaimed, my nerves getting worse.

"Look, Estella..." Lily wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "It's the right thing to do, okay? If you never tell him how you feel then you could lose him. Sirius will be so happy to know you like him that he probably won't even care that you don't want to be in a relationship" Lily rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if that's supposed to be comforting or worrying..." I trailed off

"You know what's worrying? The fact that you lot are waking me up this early in the morning. Please leave me be" Marlene groaned from her bed. I sighed and turned to the other girls and we all rolled our eyes at her.

We decided that Marlene would meet us down at the great hall for lunch like she always did on the weekends, and so we left without her to let her sleep. Alice and Lily gave me small pep talks the entire walk to the great hall, reminding me that I was doing the right thing with Sirius. I just wanted to get it over with.
Once we walked into the great hall I immediately saw the marauders sitting in the middle of the table. I took a deep breath and walked in with Lily and Alice at my side. I stopped when we reached the boys, but Lily and Alice kept walking, giving me a thumbs-up before taking their seats further down the table.

"Hey guys" I choked out, taking a seat next to Sirius. He hardly looked up from his breakfast. There was silence for a moment as they all took in my presence, and I suddenly realized that Remus was missing.

"Hey Estella" James was the first to respond, and Peter just stared at me like he was afraid or something. I felt extremely awkward and then realized Sirius must have told them something happened last night. I just hope he didn't tell them exactly what.

"Um... where is Remus?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Visiting his gran again. She's ill, remember?" James responded, also not looking up at me as he read the daily prophet. Peter's eyes just kept moving back and forth between me and Sirius.

"Oh... Is she doing alright?" I asked.

"Same as always" Jame shrugged as he flipped to the next page. I nodded even though no one was really paying attention to me. I looked at Sirius and his eyes were trained on his food as he moved his eggs around his plate.