Regretting And Rejecting

Chapter 14

Micah

Everything in me was telling me to run after her. To chase her down, to make her see reason, but I knew that wouldn't work with her. Forcing that girl to do anything would only make her push back harder for the opposite. Taking away her options, making her feel trapped was doing the same thing. She had been telling me from the beginning that she needed space, so I gave it to her.

First a day, then a second one.

It felt like dying a slow death, but we both needed it. Her to think and me to put my plan in motion.

I didn't tell my parents what I was planning. I knew they'd be pissed and not understand my reasoning, but in my soul I knew it was the right thing. That if Hannah was ever going to give me a real chance, she needed to do this.

And I needed to let her.

After three days apart, I called Hannah, her parents and mine to the packhouse. When she walked into the small room I had been given as an 'office' she looked tired and morose. I'm sure I didn't look much better. I wanted to hold her in my arms, but I refrained from touching her. I tried to keep my face neutral, but that didn't stop her from eyeing me curiously. In the three days she hadn't made any attempt to see me or talk to me. She probably thought I was still mad from our previous encounter. More like soul achingly sad.

"Well, son. Why'd you call us all here?" My dad asks making himself comfortable. I sigh and run my hands through my hair.

"I'm giving Hannah the opportunity to leave." I say and everyone except Hannah looks alarmed. I feel a pang of hurt through our bond from her, but I try to ignore it.

"What do you mean?" Dad asks and I can see his anger rising.

"I thought about what you said, Hannah. How I put myself first. You're right, like you usually are. So I want you to go and try to find what will make you happy. I've spoken to three of our allied packs. They have given you permission to come stay with them for a week. Three weeks you will go and experience other packs. They are all allies so you should be safe, but I'd like you to take Griffin anyway. When you get back, you will decide to either give me a chance, a real chance, or you will decide that you want to transition to another pack and I will accept your rejection and let you go." I finish my spiel and everyone looks astonished, Hannah the most.

"Micah! You have to think about what is best for the pack!" My dad yells in anger, making everyone but my mom and I flinch.

"What is best for the pack is a happy, committed Luna. Forcing her into the position or trying to make her love me isn't what's best for anyone. Especially Hannah." I say firmly before turning back to her.

"Hannah, I care about you. Enough to let you leave. I care more about your happiness than my own. I want to watch you grow. I won't cut you down and watch you whither. I want nothing more than for you to come back to me." I say, stopping in the middle to clear the emotion clogged in my throat. "But if that's not what you want, I'll respect your decision." I say and everyone lapses into silence.

"Could you guys all leave?" Hannah asks quietly.

Once they have all filed out of the room, Hannah looks up at me.

"Are you serious about this?" She asks and I nod.

"The first pack is expecting you tomorrow. Griffin is already aware and picked a pack vehicle to take." I say sitting down. She looks away thoughtfully.

"What reason have you given them for my visit?" She asks and I smile a little at her.

"That you are going to work in our pack hospital and are hoping to find ways to make it more efficient." I explain and she smiles back before it falls.

"What if I don't want to leave?" She asks, her eyes a little misty. I stand and walk over to her, sitting next to her and reaching out to hold her hand.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, sweetness." I say quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Is this you giving up? Deciding I'm not worth the effort?" She asks, a tear slipping down her face. Grief swells in me as I wipe that tear away.

"This is the complete opposite of that. This is me recognizing what you need to be happy and doing my best to give it to you, even if that's not me. You leaving is going to hurt like a bitch, but I'll go through it if it means I get a chance to really make you mine without you wondering what if." I explain and she looks up at me, her eyes barely containing her tears.

"I feel like you want to get rid of me." She whispers and I can't hold back anymore. I lift her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her neck and breathing her in like she's the only thing I need to live.

"No, Hannah. I want to keep you. Forever. And something is telling me that giving you this choice, this experience is the best way for me to do that." I say barely containing my own tears. She nods in understanding and I feel her pain ebb through the bond.

"You're right. I've thought, dreamed about leaving this pack for so long I'll always wonder what if. What it would be like to go somewhere where people don't know me, who haven't heard terrible things about me. You'll never know how much I appreciate this Micah." She says with a little hiccup and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me in close to her. We sit like this for awhile before I pull back to look at her.

"So you're going?" I ask, even though I already know the answer. She sighs and nods before cupping my cheeks with her little hands.

"Yes. But I promise to keep an open mind. I promise to call you every day so you know I'm safe and I promise... to miss you." She says the last part shyly and I can't help but smile at her.

"Really? You'll miss me?" I ask incredulously and she nods.

"Even though the bond isn't very strong, I still feel it a little and even though you're annoying, it still feels right to have you close to me." She admits, resting her head on my shoulder. It seems cruel after finally getting this bit of affection I have to let her go, possibly for real.

"Will you let me sleep in bed with you tonight?" I ask nervously. "It may be the only chance I ever get to sleep next to my mate." I say my voice full of emotion. She nods and hugs me a little tighter.

"Let's stay here, in the room you set up for me." She says quietly and I can't contain my smile. I stand and lift her with me, making her squeal and carry her out of the room and up the stairs. I mind link the kitchen to bring up some dinner since it's late and we both missed it.

I set her on her new bed before slipping into my room and grabbing some clothes for her to switch into. She changes in the bathroom and the mixture of my scent with hers is intoxicating and I don't even hide the way I'm breathing her in, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. She seems more open with affection tonight and I'm going to enjoy it while I can.

Someone brings up the food and I try to feed her but she laughs at me and bats my hand away. After we finish eating I turn on the TV to some random show, but waste no time pulling her next to me. She nuzzles into my side and seems to enjoy the contact almost as much as me. I don't watch the show, I just observe her. Trying to memorize every dip and curve of her body, every inch of her face. She looks up at me curiously and I smile at her, running my fingers down her cheek.

"Thank you for this." I tell her honestly, tightening my grip. She nods and melts a little further into me.

"Thank you. For what you're doing for me. I know it's not easy." She says.

We lay quietly and she falls asleep shortly after, but I fight it wanting to enjoy her a little longer.

Her smell, the sparks I feel, her heat, the feel of her body pressed against mine. If this is all I get, the memories will need to last a lifetime.