Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Goodbye.

Everyone and everything was completely covered in the raining chunks of viscera, slipping around in blood and wiping gore out their eyes as they processed what had just taken place. Pyramid Head took the brief moment of stillness and distraction to charge Colonel Sanders, knocking him off his stone and yelling, "FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR DEAD SLUG YOU FUGLY DIABETIC BASTARD!!!!!" With that, him and the colonel began to have a massive punch up, whacking each other in the face with fists and kicking stomachs and shins while the others continued battling the chicken armada. Colonel Sanders punched Pyramid Head in the pyramid, and Pyramid Head kicked him hard in the shin and then punched him in the face, sending him falling backwards. Meanwhile, Moreau shape-shifted back into his monster form as the fight with the fried chicken intensified. The colonel leapt back to his feet and summoned a ball of boiling, frying chicken fat in his hand, launching it at Pyramid Head with an enraged shout. Pyramid Head dodged the incoming ball of scalding grease and grabbed the colonel around his thick neck, hoisting him up and performing the banned wrestling move 'the tombstone piledriver' on the KFC mascot. It didn't stop Colonel Sanders for long, who was only down for a few seconds before he pulled himself back to his feet and swung a punch at Pyramid Head. Pyramid Head dodged it and head-butted Colonel Sanders, sending him reeling backwards. The colonel managed to steady himself and charged at Pyramid Head again, punching him in the pyramid and then kicking him in the stomach, causing Pyramid Head to drop to his knees. Colonel Sanders went to kick him but Pyramid Head jumped out the way and back to his feet, ramming into the colonel with his shoulder and elbow-dropping onto his back, causing Colonel Sanders to drop onto his stomach. Pyramid Head kicked him and sent him skidding into a rock, before he stumbled back to his feet and went to throw a punch. Pyramid Head caught his fist in his hand, glowering at the colonel before throwing a punch with his free hand. The colonel grabbed that punch with his free hand, and for a moment the two were locked staring hatefully at each other before Colonel Sanders bit Pyramid Head's hand and made him pull back with a yelp. The colonel punched Pyramid Head in the stomach and then kicked him back, causing him to stumble and fall, and the colonel stormed over and began to stomp repeatedly on his pyramid, badly denting it before Pyramid Head grabbed his leg and pulled, causing the colonel to slip and fall onto his back. Pyramid Head staggered to his feet, bleeding from multiple gashes in his body and pyramid but still seemingly remaining defiant as the colonel scrambled up and charged at Pyramid Head again. Suddenly, Pyramid Head coughed and more blood poured out his battered pyramid, stumbling back and grating out, "P-please... gimme a second... you win." Colonel Sanders spat on Pyramid Head and yelled through a mouthful of blood, "What, had enough you little bitch?!!"
"P-please..." Pyramid Head stammered, clutching his stomach, and the colonel finally dropped his guard and muttered, "Pathetic." Then Pyramid Head kicked the colonel in the balls with the force of a 10 ton truck crashing into a flimsy tree after hurtling down a mountain for ten minutes, instantly castrating him, and watched as Colonel Sanders buckled and fell to the ground with a scream of pain. Pyramid Head strode over and towered over the KFC founder, bloody and battered but entirely undefeated as he raised his giant knife and said, "You really thought you'd beaten me?! I could do this all week, asshole!! I do this for fun!!!"
"Please...." The colonel choked out, "If you have any empathy, please, d-don't hurt me.... my balls literally just exploded. If you have any decency, any mercy, please let me live. Let me li-" Pyramid Head cut him off by slicing him cleanly in half before saying, "I don't have any of those things, whore." With that, he grabbed a nearby stalagmite, snapped it off the floor and rummaged around in half of the colonel's body with it, impaling an intestine, stretching it out like a slingshot, and finally letting go of the colonel's body to watch it ping forwards like an elastic band and go hurtling into the darkness. With the other half of the colonel's body, he ripped off the arm and hurled it with inhuman speed, watching as it went spinning through the swarm of fried chicken, massacring half of the living fast food items and accidentally breaking one of Moreau's limbs, causing him to buckle and fall with a scream, crushing yet more of the living chicken carcasses. The severed arm span through the air and back into Pyramid Head's hand like a boomerang as Charlie pulled out his restoration gun and fired a glowing beam at Moreau's broken limb. After a few more minutes of everyone punching the shit out of bits of living chicken meat, only a few fried chicken stragglers remained after the battle and, knowing that they didn't stand a chance, they turned and fled. Gru smirked from his place in midair, raised a hand, and made all the fleeing pieces of chicken melt into piles of bloody viscera. Gonzo reassembled himself, his broken bones knitting back together and cuts and bruises healing instantly as he jumped to his feet with an anarchic grin. "We.... we beat them..." Endie whispered. "Hell yeah we did," Charlie yelled, stabbing a final homicidal chicken carcass with one of his insectoid legs, "I knew you'd win against Colonel Sanders, triangle man!" He added with a grin, patting Pyramid Head on the shoulder and apologising when he yelped in pain. "Fuck yeah I won." Pyramid Head announced triumphantly, looking at what remained of the colonel and laughing uproariously. Moreau shape-shifted back into his usual hunchback self and shouted gleefully, "I'm the best!" Pyramid Head gave him a unconvinced glance, conveying his doubt despite not having a face. "Don't look at me that way!!" Moreau yelled. "Come on guys, we've just won a fight working as a team! Let's not fight among ourselves!" Charlie said cheerily, pulling Moreau and Pyramid Head into a hug. Moreau, having been touch-starved for years and craving physical affection, immediately burst into tears, and Pyramid Head sighed irritably and said, "I did all the work, beating the shit out of Colonel Sanders! Gru, you didn't do shit despite having god-like powers!! Thanks for the nonexistent help you saggy bingo wing!!"
"I had foreseen you would be victorious, and believed your ego needed the independent triumph." Gru replied with a smug smirk, levitating down and landing gently and gracefully on the ground. Pyramid Head pulled away from Charlie, his shoulders raised in anger as he yelled, "Why you bloated, insolent-"
"Triangle, please try not to get into a fight with Gru. We both know who'll win." Charlie sighed as he comforted the still weeping Moreau. Gru's suspicious smirk stretched obscenely up half of his face, the other half remaining emotionless like a stroke victim as he snoundled, "Your feelings of anger directly fuel my thunderous glee."
"Can we get out of this cave? Everywhere I stand is either in King Henry's internal viscera or on a massacred chicken carcass and it's, to put it bluntly, absolutely fucking awful." Endie said, flicking a stray piece of entrail off his shoulder. Gonzo ran forwards and slid over to the others in the pool of gore coating the cave like a hideous fleshy carpet and whispered, "I shitted."
"Vell done." Gru sharted, placing a delicate kiss on Gonzo's malformed skull. "Yeah, let's get out of here." Charlie grinned, picking up everyone in his many arms and climbing up to the hole in the roof, carrying everyone with him as he emerged into the rural Romanian terrain. "Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you guys this but we're in Romania right now." Charlie smiled as he placed them all down on overground terra firma. "WHAT?!! How?!! We were in fucking Britain a second ago!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "When Gru jumped off the tower of London and carried us all to Moreau's swamp in his flesh sack, he actually travelled to Romania in that short space of time." Charlie explained. "I was w-wondering how we ended up here after being in London." Moreau mused. "'W-wondering'? Why are you stammering? You're only meant to stammer in charliemind when you're nervous." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. "I actually have a speech impediment. It's not been playing up m-much though recently, which is cool!" Moreau smiled, before frowning and saying, "Wait, what's charliemind?"
"I have no fucking idea what you're talking about." Pyramid Head replied flatly. "Right," Charlie smiled, clasping his first pair of hands together, "Where are we going next? Swamp camping: the sequel? Another theme park? Regular camping? A trip to the centre of the earth? A trip to the bottom of the Mariana trench? A trip into outer space? Jail again? A trip-"

Suddenly the sky went dark and everyone, including the entire scene, vanished into a void. Only one remained suspended in the endless, inky-black abyss; Gru. He turned to face you, yes, you reader, and began, "Vell I bet you veren't expecting zat! Are you vondering vhere everyone vent? They're gone, along vis everything else!! Out of ze picture!!!! Why, you may ask? I got bored! So leave now, exit ze app, turn off your pathetic, neanderthal device, and pretend all of ze events in Charliemind vere simply vords on a screen; lie. Lie to yourself. And vatch your step reader, because it may be your dimension I get bored of next. Until next time, reader. Goodbye."