A small, old-fashioned tv sat in the corner of a dimly lit room surrounded by countless bottles of beer, some empty and some unopened, and a large bowl of half-eaten cheese. A bucket sat nearby, and a bundle of blankets and a mattress were shoved in the corner opposite to the tv. Various pieces of nautical equipment hung on the walls for decoration, such as an old fishing net, a collection of colourful, if not slightly rusty, fishing lures, and a discoloured life ring. "Moreau, this is awful." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. "Shut up, I like it! Nice decor!" Charlie smiled. "Beats King Henry's torture chamber." Moreau said, cracking open a bottle of beer and taking a swig. "True." Pyramid Head sighed, sitting down on the bundle of blankets. "Got any movies?" Charlie asked, sitting down beside Pyramid Head. "I sure have! Old romantic movies are my favourite!" Moreau smiled, gesturing to a pile of VHS tapes. "Nightmare." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. "The phantom of the opera might be my all-time favourite, though Gone with the Wind is a close second." Moreau continued, sifting through the tapes. "Please god no." Pyramid Head stated again flatly. "Why is it so warm and humid in hear?! It's making me claustrophobic." Endie chimed in. "Underfloor heating." Moreau explained. "What? How did you get underfloor heating in a fucking abandoned mine?!" Pyramid Head shouted. "I make it myself out of heat-producing enzyme walls." Moreau replied. "That sounds absolutely fucking abhorrent." Pyramid Head stated flatly. "It is." Moreau smiled back, though this was the smile of someone who had completely given up. "What kind of cheese is this?" Charlie asked, peering at the partially eaten cheese in a box in front of Moreau's tv. "Cheddar. It's my favourite, despite the crippling stomach pains that follow whenever I eat it." Moreau replied. "This is an entire fucking cheese wheel and you've eaten over half of it, of course your gonna get stomach pains!" Pyramid Head shouted. "I didn't know there was a limit to the amount of cheese you could eat." Moreau said with a frown. "There's a limit on anything edible!! No one sits down and singlehandedly devours an entire fucking cheese wheel!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "I do." Moreau pointed out. "Moreau does." Charlie chimed in with a grin. "Maybe that's why you're fucking retching all the time!!" Pyramid Head snapped. "What about something like fruit? You couldn't eat too many apples, could you?" Endie asked, looking thoughtful. "If you sat and only ever ate apples all day like a fucking horse I'm pretty sure sooner or later you'd see some nasty side effects." Pyramid Head replied bluntly. "What if you were a horse?" Gonzo chimed in with a demented grin. "Gonzo, remind me to track down your missing brain one of these days. It's probably rampaging somewhere ruining everything for everyone." Pyramid Head stated flatly. "Call that pussy jabberjaw." Gonzo grinned back vacantly. Suddenly, the shitty rowboat door was kicked off it's shitty duck tape hinges and what appeared to be a greasy homeless man in sunglasses and a cowboy hat stormed in. "If any more people arrive it's gonna be a party in here!" Charlie grinned excitedly. "Fish dick, I need y- woah. You've got a lot of guests today. I didn't know you had this many friends." The homeless man mused, looking around. "Heisenberg, you have a fucking nerve showing up here after bombing my house!!" Moreau yelled, before suddenly backtracking and saying, "Wait, what did you call me?!"
"Forget about that, I need your help! It's urgent." The homeless man, now identified as Heisenberg, Moreau's brother, said quickly. "Help you?! After everything you've done?! Fuck off." Moreau replied flatly. "It's Donna." Heisenberg said, and Moreau sat bolt upright and shouted, "Donna?! Is she alright?"
"Well, it's not her exactly, it's one of her nightmarish creations." Heisenberg explained. "Who the fuck is Donna and who's this homeless guy?" Pyramid Head asked bluntly. "This is my brother Karl Heisenberg, and Donna is our sister. I care about her because she's the only member of my family who doesn't treat me like shit." Moreau explained. "Listen, Donna made a living mannequin and it's somehow pregnant, it's in labour now and Donna's having a panic attack." Heisenberg explained hastily, grabbing Moreau, who'd been sitting crosslegged on the floor, and pulling him to his feet. "Yikes." Charlie grinned. "HOW IS A FUCKING MANNEQUIN PREGNANT- if mannequins can get pregnant I have to phone the mannequin monster asap!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "W- I- where's the mannequin now?!" Moreau yelled, rushing out his shipwrecked shack. The charliemind gang trailed after him with eager grins, and Heisenberg led the way and shouted, "It's with Donna near your musty ass windmill, it went into labour while it and Donna were on their way to visit you!"
"Can someone please explain what's happening?!" Endie cried. "My sister makes living dolls, it's a hobby of hers, and it seems now she's making living mannequins too!" Moreau explained in a rush as they ran. "No one knows how it's pregnant, no one's come forward to admit they fucked the mannequin," Heisenberg called back, "Moreau, if it was you, you better own up now!!"
"I didn't even know about the living mannequin, I bet it was you Heisenberg!!" Moreau yelled back. They stumbled out the cave system and kept running when suddenly, a massive werewolf leapt at Heisenberg and began to maul him. "When you babble on to Babylon, is it Jesus or a goose that laid the golden egg?" Gru smirked as Heisenberg screamed. "Fluffy, leave it!!" Moreau shrieked, pulling the beast off his now very injured brother. "What the fuck is that?!" Pyramid Head screamed. "It's my pet experiment!!" Moreau explained, crouching worriedly beside Heisenberg. "I'm immortal, I'll be fine! Go on without me!" Heisenberg croaked from the floor, and Moreau nodded, turned to the werewolf and instructed, "Guard Heisenberg, and do not maim him any further!!" The werewolf nodded and sat obediently, and then everyone, minus Heisenberg, turned and continued sprinting towards the windmill. They arrived at the windmill in under a minute to see Donna, Moreau's emo sister, and a small terrifying doll who was grinning manically, sat beside an even more terrifying mannequin. Donna was holding the mannequin's hand and the small doll was chanting, "GO!!! GO!!! GO!!! GO!!!" The mannequin looked like an ancient shop window dummy, lacking hair and appearing to have no features other than unblinking glass eyes. It was writing in agony and looked more pregnant than the flash if he was a submissive and breedable hooker who needed to pay the pimp lord or he'd have his entire family executed. "Moreau, I've questioned Heisenberg extensively and am 90% sure he didn't impregnate my living mannequin, and you're the only other guy around here, now own up now or face my wrath!!" Donna shouted. "Why does everyone think I did this?! I only just found out about this mannequin! Plus I swore I'd never have sex again after I hooked up with the duke and he said 'thar she blows' when I-" Moreau said, only to be cut off by the creepy doll, who yelled, "GROSS, TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"
"Do we have to be here? I really don't want to watch a creepy pregnant mannequin give birth while Moreau talks about his sex life." Endie said, paling as Donna put her head between the mannequin's legs and yelled, "I can see the baby, push mannequin, push!!" Suddenly, a bathtub came shooting along the dock like a race car, it's metal feet sparking with the speed at which it was hurtling, and it crashed into everyone and knocked Gru, Pyramid Head, Endie, Gonzo and Moreau off their feet. All five of them stumbled back and fell into the tub with shrieks and yells; the only reason the tub didn't manage to send Charlie falling backwards into it too was because his stance on his insectoid limbs was too tall and too wide. It was almost as if the tub deliberately caused the others to fall in, as if it were alive, and then it began to rocket down the dock before taking off into the sky like a jet plane, carrying the five unwilling passengers with it. Charlie watched the bathtub ascend rapidly from the ground with a hysterical grin, before sighing in defeat, murmuring, "I'm sure they'll be fine," and turning back to help Donna and the small creepy doll assist the pregnant mannequin.
Everyone screamed as the tub went from shooting upwards like a commercial airplane to descending rapidly like a meteor, slowing very slightly as it neared the peak of a mountain before landing and beginning to slide down the dizzily steep cliff face like a deranged helter sketler. They careened over rocks and over bumps and past pine trees, screaming hysterically and clinging to each other, then the bath hit the one of the trees and flung it and everyone inside spinning in an unpredictable direction. They landed on another part of the rocky mountain range, beginning to go bumping down at a terrifying speed, when suddenly they noticed a hiker strolling casually down a little way in front of then. "LOOK OUT!!!!" Endie yelled, but it was too late, and the bathtub crashed into the hiker, maiming and killing him instantly as his blood sprayed all over the nearest to the edge, who had been Gonzo. "OH MY GOD!!!" Endie screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!!!" Pyramid Head roared. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" Moreau shrieked. Gonzo cackled manically, covered in hiker entrails and viscera, and Gru smirked and cambusted, "I see a little silhouette-o of a boulder." A horrible rumbling noise made everyone's stomachs flip, Moreau scrambling over and vomiting over the side of the bathtub as they all turned in slow, horrified unison to see an enormous boulder rolling down the mountain after them. "GRU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING DO YOU FUCK FUCKING SHIT SKANK SAGGY FUCKING SACK!!!!!" Pyramid Head howled hysterically as the boulder came plunging towards them, smashing all nearby trees and bushes to bits. "IT'S GONNA HIT US!!!" Moreau yelled. "WELL DONE ALBERT FUCKING EINSTEIN!!!!" Pyramid Head screamed. The boulder continued rotating downwards at an alarming speed and the bathtub hurtled past another hiker, missing him by millimetres. He let out a yelp of surprise and Moreau and Endie clawed at him yelling, "SAVE US!!!!" Then the bathtub crashed through a thick cluster of bushes, did an incredible leap across a large drop above a ravine, smashed through a fence on the other side, and continued its nosedive down the mountain.
Endie screamed, Gonzo whooped, Pyramid Head yelled a vast array of curses, Moreau threw up again and Gru laughed manically as the tub hurtled down, leaping over rocks and crevices like an Olympian. It narrowly missed a grizzly bear, which let out a roar and began to bound angrily after them. "NOT AGAIN!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, throwing a rubber duck at it. They were nearing a flock sheep, and Endie screamed and teleported them all out of the way. Unfortunately, he teleported the bathtub as well, and as soon as they all reappeared they just went straight back to careening down the mountain in the tub. Suddenly, Moreau pointed up ahead and screamed, "OH MY GOD!!!!" They all looked up and saw they were nearing a natural ramp where the rock curved up just before a sheer drop. Endie passed out, and the others could only howl in blind terror, except for Gru and Gonzo, who were laughing manically, as they went shooting up the rocky slope, which catapulted them upwards at a terrifying speed. They all screamed and clung to each other and the sides of the bathtub as it shot upwards and into the grey sky. "Ok folks, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, we'll be landing immediately. The bad news is, we're crash landing." Gonzo narrated with an unhinged grin. Then the tub began to free fall faster than ever. "I believe zat's check mate." Gru smirked, and the others turned to see him and Gonzo playing chess. Moreau and Endie were screeching like demons and leaving huge claw marks all over the sides of the tub. "THIS MIGHT BE IT GUYS, SO I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN REALLY FUCKING FUN TRAVELLING AROUND AND I ACTUALLY MIGHT EVEN CALL YOU FRIENDS!!!! APART FROM GONZO!!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "I LOVE YOU TRIANGLE!!!!" Endie cried. "Look, the ground's getting closer!!! Come on tub, you just want to kiss the ground, just a little peck, a smooch like your kissing your sister!!!" Moreau said frantically. The tub smashed into the ground and fell straight through, crashing down into a cave and landing in a natural underground pool. "I SAID KISS IT!!!!" Moreau yelled, splashing around frantically. Endie teleported to the rocky side of the underground pool screaming in pain and clutching his water burns. "What the fuck, what the fuck...." Pyramid Head whispered, pulling himself out of the pool. Gonzo waded out of the pool after him with a grin, twitching and looking around, disorientated. "Is anyone dead?" Moreau asked. "Me." Gru smirked. "One person, that's a number I can live with!! Good landing, captain!" Moreau said cheerfully.
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Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.
FanfictionNightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare n
