Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

The Airport

(Another chapter written by my sister, so the writing style may be different. 🪗)

"I haven't seen a gorilla in a while," Charlie commented as Gru manically drove them down a street that was, surprisingly, void of gorillas.
"Ah. I had a feeling this may happen, but I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. It seems that, due to the highly unstable nature of the gorillas dna, they mutated into something that was, put simply, unable to survive. In short, they have most likely died out," David explained, and Pyramid head snarled,
"Good fucking riddance, those monkeys were driving me insane."
"They were gorillas," Gonzo told him, but he had barely finished speaking when Pyramid head lunged forwards to where Gonzo was sitting in front of him and tried to grab him around the neck, but Gonzo slid down in his seat, and out of Pyramid heads most likely fatal grasp.
"You missed," Gonzo said smugly, to which Pyramid head yelled,
"You'll fucking miss the air you breathe in a minute!"
"NO, I SAID GO RIGHT, NOT LEFT!" The enderman screeched at Gru, who smirked sheepishly, violently spinning the car around to follow the route the enderman was yelling at him. The enderman had a phone in his hand which he was using to direct them to the nearest airport. Pyramid head leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head, and then voiced,
"This was a great idea of yours Charlie, a vacation is just what the doctor ordered."
"Dr Cockenball," Gru sneered. Charlie and Pyramid head turned to stare at Gru in clear recognition, and then Charlie muttered slowly,
"I think it's best if we forget about him, Gru."
Pyramid head sighed, admitting,
"God, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget that utter sewer of a person."
"May I enquire as to who this Dr Cockenball is?" David asked, obviously curious, to which Pyramid head spat,
"You may fucking not."
"That's right, keep going down this road and then take the second exit at the roundabout," the enderman told Gru, who followed his instructions, at the usual breakneck speed, but still fairly accurately. Pyramid head, who was getting bored, nonchalantly kicked the back of Gonzos chair with extreme force, and Gonzo was launched into the front window, sliding down to land in a crumpled heap on the dashboard of the car. Grus piercing, abhorrent, amber eyes slid over to Gonzo, and he let out a grating laugh, saying to no one in particular,
"Mangled muppet."
"That was his own fault really, I mean he wasn't even wearing his seatbelt," the enderman commented, and David observed,
"Curious, you seem to be justifying and actively defending Pyramids violence due to your romantic inclinations towards him."
"Gay, gay, gay, gay gay gay, gay gay gay, gay, gay, gay, gay gay gay, gay gay gay," Gonzo sang, in the tune of the Imperial March, and David nodded in agreement, remarking,
"My thoughts exactly."
"Would you look at that, we're at the airport!" The enderman announced quickly, pointing to a vast, sleek building, with an equally large airfield covered in runways and various vehicles, mainly planes. Gru swerved violently into the car park, mowing through car after car until he slammed his foot on the brake, the crab car screeching to a stop just outside the entrance of the airport. Just as they were all about to get out of the car, Gru pushed a button in the side of the car door with a gnarled, veiny, spindly finger that locked all the doors.
"Gru. Why did you lock us in?" Charlie questioned bluntly, mild panic simmering beneath his words. Gru slowly leaned over his shoulder to gurn at Charlie, then he responded,
"No reason."
Without warning, the walls suddenly closed in on them, leaving the car barely big enough for them all to fit comfortably.
"That was certainly a surprise," David commented, and Gonzo grabbed his synthetic face and asked abruptly,
"Would you still desire the warmth of love if it burned you to a cinder?"
David didn't reply, and instead brought his face forward to aggressively kiss Gonzo, who was unresponsive for a short moment before a large, metal knife was brought down onto David's exposed neck, decapitating him in one brutal motion. Pyramid heads hands spasmed where they were clenched around the handle of the knife. He grabbed David's disembodied head, which was shooting out white synthetic blood, and began tearing into it, ripping it apart with his bare hands. The enderman screamed, scrambling away from the carnage occurring just a few seats away from him. Gonzo laughed manically and then shrieked,
"Tis a pity he was a whore!"
"He was kinda horny on main though," Charlie commented. Pyramid head slumped in his chair, muttering frantically,
"I... this is unbearable. I had to do it. I couldn't- it was horrible- I- I just couldn't stand it-"
"Shhh, I get it dorito dude, this is exactly why we're going on holiday. It's just what we all need, to kick back and relax for a while, it'll do us the world of good," Charlie announced, and the enderman poked David's headless corpse with his foot and commented dryly,
"I don't think it'll do him much good."
"Charlie, can we just... leave him like that? Do you have to bring him back?" Pyramid head asked, gesturing to the remains of David, and Charlie replied solemnly,
"You're right. Something tells me he isn't supposed to come back."
"Ze robot has exited ze frame," Gru sneered maliciously, and Gonzo began cackling.
"Have you all just forgotten that we're locked in here?" The enderman asked nervously, and Pyramid head stated,
"Gru, I hate to agree with the enderfreak, but if you don't let me out of this claustrophobes nightmare I'll quite happily rip the door off."
Gru twisted around in his seat to eye the passengers, his teeth bared in a repulsive grin, before he asked them,
"Vhere is ze hrududu?"
"What." The enderman voiced bluntly, and the crab car disappeared, everyone falling to the floor, except Gru, who levitated above them for a moment before floating to the ground.
"Well, now that that nightmare is over, we can finally get on a plane and get the fuck out of here," Pyramid head announced, walking through the entrance of the airport, everyone else following closely behind. They entered a wide, spacious area, with polished white floors and large glass windows built into the walls. It wasn't overly crowded, but there were a fair amount of people walking around, most of them wheeling luggage, carrying bags, or with back packs on. Pyramid head walked straight up to a desk with an information assistant behind it and announced,
"Six, no, five tickets, whore."
"Which flight- wait what?" The assistant asked, realising what he had just been called, but Pyramid head ignored him, turning around to ask the others,
"Where are we actually going?"
"I've always wanted to go to Spain," Charlie replied, and Pyramid head faced the assistant again and asked,
"Put us on the next flight to Spain, slut."
Gru regurgitated a large slab of gold onto the desk, and the assistant sighed, telling him,
"Sorry, we only accept cash."
Gru then regurgitated a stack of money, which the assistant reluctantly took. He sighed again and then handed them five tickets, informing them,
"The time, location, duration, and destination of your flight is all printed on your tickets. Have fun."
"DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" Pyramid head roared, and the many people nearby turned to stare: some in confusion, and some in fear. Pyramid head brandished his sword and hollered,
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT? I'LL KILL YOU! ALL OF YOU!"
"Come on Pyramid," Charlie urged, gently pushing Pyramid head towards an open room with baggage racks and X-ray machines, Gru, Gonzo, and the enderman following them. A few airport employees walked up to them and directed them to the X-ray machine. Charlie, Gonzo, and the enderman went through the scanner without setting off the alarm, but when Pyramid head went through, a beeping sound rang out from the machine. A guard stepped forward and patted down Pyramid head, finding the huge knife without much difficulty. They exchanged a few words, and then Pyramid head was allowed through with his knife, the guard looking petrified. When Gru was scanned, a different, more obnoxious alarm went off, and the guards rushed over to Gru, one of them saying shakily,
"P-put your hands behind your back and turn around, we have detected a dangerous amount of- of all chemicals and materials on you."
Grus hideous, chapped, black lips curled into an unforgiving smirk and he told them,
"Wrong. Zey are not on me, zey are in me."
And with that, every single guard in the room disappeared, being completely and instantaneously erased from the face of the earth. Now that the miscellaneous misfits were all on the other side of the X-ray machine, they silently walked towards an escalator that took them up into a small area in which multiple corridors met. Charlie led them all down a corridor that opened up into a giant shopping mall which stretched out in front of them as far as the eye could see. Charlie grinned and asked them all,
"Overpriced shopping spree time?"
"You took ze worms right out of my mouth," Gru announced, a traumatising, unforgiving snarl on his face that looked like it could've been a grin in a kinder, more merciful world.
"I'll meet you at the checkout!" The enderman called, teleporting over to the grocery isle and filling a shopping basket with food items. They all separated to browse the store, and in around half an hour they were meeting up at the checkout.
"Hey Pyramid, check out my new makeup!" Charlie called, displaying various trays, bottles, and other cosmetic items he had selected.
"I've got some vodka. A lot of vodka." Pyramid head said, holding up 10 full sized bottles of vodka.
"Well I got a fat load of scran." The enderman chimed in, walking up to them with a basket full of food. A short while later, Gonzo came round the corner dragging a comically large raw fish. He stopped next to them all in silence, and no one even bothered to question him, not even the enderman, who was quickly getting used to this kind of thing. Not long after this bizarre occurrence, Gru's grating voice echoed over the speakers of the shop, announcing,
"A bomb has been located in isle three, everyone please evacuate ze building."
Unfathomable chaos erupted. Everyone began scrambling towards the exit, shoving each other out the way and screaming all the while, shelves falling over and their contents tumbling, spilling, and smashing across the floor. The Charliemind gang looked up at a movement above them to see a panel of the ceiling being moved out of the way, revealing Grus gurning face looking down at them all. Cackling to himself, Gru dropped down from his place in the ceiling and landed gracefully in front of them.
"There's not really a bomb, is there?" Pyramid head asked bluntly, and Gru batted his eyelids suspiciously and responded smugly,
"How did you know?"
"STARVATION GNAWS AT MY INSIDES!" Gonzo suddenly screeched, and the enderman nodded, voicing,
"Couldn't have said it better myself."
"I saw a snazzy looking restaurant out that way, maybe we could go there," Charlie suggested, pointing to an archway that lead to a corridor of dining establishments. Pyramid head shrugged, saying,
"We've still got some time to kill before the flight, plus I've been ravenous for hours, I've just learned to ignore it."
"What about you, Gru?" Charlie asked, and Gru replied vacantly,
"Vat about vat, Gru?"
"Okay... quick scran it is!" Charlie announced, leading the others through the archway. They entered a darkened, carpeted corridor, and Charlie walked towards a restaurant with a man in a tailored suit standing outside. The man blinked at the sight of the five horrific humanoids, but soon regained his composure with a skill only someone who has worked in customer service could ever hope to achieve. He stepped forward and questioned with a strained smile,
"Table for five?"
"You know it," Charlie responded, and the waiter led them into a vast, dimly lit, well decorated room that was roughly an o shape, with a large, fenced off hole in the middle of the room that looked over the lower level of the airport. The walls were carved mahogany, and they curved up into the ceiling to enclose the room in a perfect semi circle. From the middle of the ceiling hung an enormous chandelier that reflected the glow of candles and sent shards of light dancing across the walls. There were many candlelit tables, hanging lanterns, and a live band playing on an elevated platform. There were a variety of people seated at the tables, all with one thing in common: they were clearly rich. Most of the diners had turned to stare at the five creatures that had just entered, exchanging glances and whispers. One small, well dressed child, tugged on her mother's dress and pointed at Charlie, who waved at her, causing her to promptly burst into tears.
"Where would you like to sit?" The waiter asked.
"The best seat in the house," Pyramid head told him, and the waiter met his statement with an obviously forced smile and led them to a long table next to the hole in the middle of the room. Once they were seated, the waiter said,
"I'll bring the menus right out for you gentlemen."
"Did you just assume our genders?" Pyramid head snapped, and the waiter bowed stiffly and ground out through his teeth,
"My... sincerest apologies."
He span on his heel without another word and glided off to, presumably, get their menus. Pyramid head kicked his feet up on the table and stated,
"All I can say is the food better be as nice as the decor."
The enderman glanced around and then leaned forward, asking apprehensively,
"Don't you think we're a bit, you know, out of place here?"
"Nah, this place isn't that posh," Pyramid head replied.
"The cutlery is crystallised!" The enderman hissed, lifting up a silver fork to reveal that, sure enough, part of it was crystal, swirling up through the handle and into the points of the fork. Pyramid head grabbed the fork off him, stabbed it into the table, and then snapped,
"Well so what if it is? So what if we're out of place? As long as the foods good I don't give a shit."
"We stick out like a hardcore goth at a Catholic Church!" the enderman insisted.
"I vould like to make a confession," Gru smirked repulsively, and the enderman sighed, giving up on trying to voice his worries. Without warning, Gonzos nose began flapping about, emitting a high pitched trumpet noise, which stopped after barely a second. Pyramid head's pyramid snapped towards him and he demanded,
"What was that?"
Gonzo smiled at him, his eyes insanely wide, and then lifted the comically large fish from where it had been on the floor. He placed it on the chair next to him, propping it up in an upright position. Charlie grinned and asked,
"So, who's exited for Spain? I know I am."
There was a chorus of agreement, and the enderman chipped in, saying,
"The ticket says the plane will land in Madrid, the flight is gonna be around eleven hours, and we get on the plane from the 4th section of the second floor in around an hour."
"Ok nerd," Pyramid head spat, and the enderman blinked and then burst into tears. The waiter came up to their table, eyed the crying enderman with mild spite, handed them a menu each, and placed an ornate glass jug on the table that contained water.
"What would you like to order?" The waiter asked after giving them a short while to browse the menu, and they all announced what they had chosen. The waiter bowed and left to give their orders to the chef. The limp fish Gonzo had propped up suddenly slumped forward, and Gonzo screeched, grabbed it, and then threw it over the railing around the large hole. They all leaned over the railing to watch as the huge fish plummeted downwards and then landed on a middle aged, balding man, crushing him instantly. Charlie looked at Pyramid head. Pyramid head met Charlie's gaze, and then turned to the enderman. The enderman glanced at Pyramid head and then away again, avoiding everyone's eyes. Gru's beady eyes flickered around them all. Gonzo stared at the fish on the floor below. There was silence for a few long seconds, before they all erupted in thunderous laughter. Charlie leaned over on the table, shaking from giggling. Pyramid head banged his fists on the table in his hysteria. The enderman fell backwards in his chair, howling with laughter even as he hit the ground. Gru began levitating out of his chair, cackling menacingly. Gonzo fell onto the floor and began rolling around, clutching his stomach and kicking his legs, squealing in his absolute hilarity. Five minutes of this passed, in which the entire room had turned to them and the band had stopped playing. They had only just managed to calm down, every now and then stifling another wave of laughter, creating a ripple effect of stifled giggling. Pyramid head looked over the side of the railing to see the fish still on the floor, the crushed mans legs and arms sticking out from beneath it, and he burst into roaring laughter again, grabbing the side of the table to keep himself upright. The waiter came up to their table carrying a large tray, and placed their meals and drinks in front of them. They began eating, some of them using cutlery, some of them eating with their bare hands, and one of them devouring the plate and all it's contents whole. All of their 3 courses of food were gone within half an hour, at which point the waiter came around to hand them the bill of $1264.
"Go on then, Gru, cough up," Pyramid head said, and Gru smirked and announced,
"I'm all out."
"What." The enderman stated, and Gru replied,
"I said vat I said."
"Anyone else got any money?" Charlie asked, and was met with silence. The waiter coughed, looking expectantly at them all. Without any hesitation, Pyramid head leapt out of his chair, lunged forward, and grabbed the waiter, launching him over the railing and watching as he fell screaming to the floor below. He hit the ground with an eerie thud: he was dead. The other customers all reacted accordingly, some of them screaming, and a few of them running to get an authority figure. Pyramid head felt a tug at his side and looked down to see Gonzo trying to take his giant knife.
"GET OFF MY KNIFE, YOU FUZZY NIGHTMARE!" Pyramid head yelled, grabbing his knife, but Gonzo wouldn't let go. There was a brief tug of war between them until Pyramid head yanked the knife out of Gonzos grasp, losing his own grip in the process, and sending it flying up towards the ceiling. It sliced through the wire holding the chandelier up, and they all turned to each other in horror as the gigantic chandelier fell down and through the hole in the ground. There was a deafening crash as the chandelier shattered on the ground of the level below them, killing everyone within a 10 meter radius of it.
"LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Charlie called, and Pyramid head grabbed his knife and then hurried towards the exit, the rest of the gruesome group close behind him. They rushed down the corridor, and the enderman glanced at a clock they were passing, did a double take, and then yelled,
"OH MY GOD, WE ONLY HAVE TEN MINUTES UNTIL OUR FLIGHT!"
They went right, left, down some stairs, up some more stairs, down a long corridor, right again, and then finally through an archway that led to a waiting room with an entire wall made of glass, overlooking the airfield.
"We made it," the enderman wheezed, and they all rushed into a passage that led out of the airport and onto the tarmac. They walked towards the plane and climbed up the lowered steps, a flight attendant welcoming them aboard with an expression of clear terror. They walked through the rows of people until they found their seats, sitting down with relief at being on time. The door to the plane closed, and the plane slowly pulled out of the main yard and stopped at the start of a runway. An announcement came on over the speaker, saying,
"Welcome aboard, the flight to Australia will now begin. Seatbelts are required during takeoff. Have a pleasant journey."
Stunned silence fell on the Charliemind gang.
"THE FLIGHT TO FUCKING WHERE?" Pyramid head bellowed, and the enderman laughed hysterically, blurting out,
"I know that didn't say Australia, I just know it."
"WE GOT THE WRONG FLIGHT? HOW!" Pyramid head demanded, resisting the urge to pull out his knife and maul the nearest person to him.
"This is... this is fine guys, a holiday's a holiday, am I right?" Charlie voiced, his grin looking painfully forced.
"Down undies," Gonzo smirked deliriously. Gru grinned manically, saying,
"Ve're not going to Australia."
"OF COURSE WE ARE! DID YOU NOT HEAR THE ANNOUNCEMENT?" Pyramid head yelled incredulously, and Gru whispered ominously,
"Just you vait."
The plane started moving again, picking up speed until it was hurtling along, a loud rumbling filling the plane as it's wheels sped across the tarmac. Soon, the rumbling mostly stopped as the plane took off, but a background noise of the plane surging through the air remained. They felt a slight downward pressure on them as the plane tilted upwards, climbing up into the sky, and then, after a few minutes, it levelled out. They looked out the window to see clouds below them and a pale blue horizon. Suddenly, going to Australia didn't seem all that bad.