Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Multidimensional Maggots

"Would you calm the fuck down, no one's gonna fucking mummify us in bong water," Pyramid head snapped, "And if they try, I'll rip their fucking nuts off."
"Wait.... wait... I've just realised something! This isn't real! None of it! We're just having a collective hallucination cause of the chorus fizz!" The enderman shouted, breathing a sigh of relief. "Nah, I'm pretty sure this is real." Pyramid head replied. "Me too, though the chorus fizz is affecting my ability to look through dimensions, time and the layers of reality, or more simply my ability to have infinite knowledge of all, so I'm not 100% sure." Charlie grinned. "No, this isn't real, guys," The enderman smiled, "We've just gotta sit back and enjoy the trip, see where the chorus fizz takes us!"
"You sound like a fucking hippie, this is real, alright?!" Pyramid head snapped. "No it isn't." The enderman smiled back. "YES IT- I can't be fucking arsed with this." Pyramid head muttered, throat-stomping unconscious Gonzo. Gonzo sat up, projectile-vomitted across The Exhibition, and then collapsed unconscious again. Francoeur propped him up and began kicking the shit out of him again. "Are we all gonna ignore the fact that tons of maggots spilled out Gru's fucking face?!" Pyramid head shouted suddenly. "And then they all liquified and he drank their remains off the floor." Endie added, his eyes hollow. Francoeur chirped in bewilderment. "Guys, its Gru." Charlie pointed out, zapping Gonzo with his restoration gun. "I SAW JESUS!!!" Gonzo screamed, leaping up as soon as he was revived. "Go back to sleep you bubonic lobotomy." Pyramid head muttered, walking over to inspect another bong-water-incased person. "Tu sais, je m'énerve que tu sois méchant tout le temps." Francoeur announced, sounding firm for the first time in his life. "What does fleabag have to say?" Pyramid head asked flatly. "He says he's annoyed that you're always mean." Charlie translated with a grin, craving the drama that would ensue and quickly putting on gregarious lipstick for the occasion. "Oh he is, is he? Hey parasite, at least my profession isn't sucking on a monkey's ballsack all day like you. At least my face doesn't look like the inside of a nutribullet. At least I'm not a talentless fraud who gets his singing abilities from a mad scientist's asshole. At least I'm not french." Pyramid head spat. At first Francoeur looked angry, then tears welled in his eyes and he reached under his carapace, furiously pulling out a phone and punching a number into it. It rang, and then a female voice answered, "Bonjour?"
"Un homme triangulaire m'a dit des choses horribles!!" Francoeur sobbed into the phone. "Oh Francoeur, n'écoute pas les hommes horribles! Les hommes sont de la merde. Buvez un de vos smoothies sanguins, vous sentirez mieux." The voice replied soothingly, and Francoeur reached under his carapace again and pulled out a blood smoothie, drinking it through a straw. "What're fleafest and french whore saying?" Pyramid head asked Charlie irritably. "He's saying that a triangular man told him horrible things, and she's saying that men are shit." Charlie grinned back. "Hey, isn't that the singer you perform with on the phone, that Lucille chick?" Pyramid head asked, and Francoeur nodded, still drinking his blood smoothie, and replied, "Oui."
"Hey french bitch, can you understand english like Mr Parasite?" Pyramid head asked bluntly into the phone, and the French voice, Lucille, responded, "Yes, I can, and I think you're very rude-"
"We all know you and that flea would've fucked if that fruity inventor Raoul didn't exist," Pyramid head interrupted, and Francoeur spat his blood smoothie everywhere, "We all know you would've fucked a flea," Pyramid head concluded, feeding off the tense silence that followed. Finally, Lucille's voice stammered, "T-that... that's not-"
"Flea fucker." Pyramid head interrupted viciously. Another tense silence, broken by Francoeur sipping his blood smoothie through a straw and Gonzo howling like a maniacal banshee out of nowhere. "Me and Francoeur were always just friends!!" Lucille protested eventually. "What other parasites are you into? Leeches? Seen any handsome ticks recently?" Pyramid Head taunted gleefully. "No, I-I, Francoeur- Raoul was who I had feelings for, not Francoeur, I swear!!" Lucille cried. "Yeah, well Raoul's gay, sweet cheeks, and I never saw you dancing on the Seine and singing dramatic duets with Raoul." Pyramid head pointed out smugly. "I DID NOT FUCK FRANCOEUR!!!" Lucille yelled. "I was just saying you would've, I didn't know you actually had, holy shit!!" Pyramid head yelled with a delighted laugh. "I SAID I HADN'T!!!!" Lucile screamed. "Yeah, tell it to the fucking judge, flea fucker," Pyramid Head said flatly, grabbing the phone out of Francoeur's hands and stamping on it, before turning to Francoeur and saying, "And you're a human fucker, which is probably fucking weird in the bug world." Francoeur simply slurped his blood smoothie in silence, teary eyed and not arguing back because he didn't want to incur Pyramid Head's wrath again. "Did she really fuck a flea?" Endie asked Charlie quietly. Suddenly, a portal opened up and two weird monsters that vaguely resembled testicles with bodies stepped out and scrutinised the group. "What the fuck are you meant to be?!" Pyramid head snapped. "We're the inter-dimensional police, we make sure that no weird ass shit fucks up the balance of dimensions or causes dimensions to get rips or collide." One of the ballsacks replied in a strong Michigan accent. "Why are you here?" Charlie asked. "Are we under arrest again?!" Endie asked in a panic. "We'll soon find out," The other ballsack replied, also in a strong Michigan accent, "We're here because some freaky ass maggots are travelling through dimensions and causing tears in the fabric of reality, would any of you dumbass assin' assey asses know about some freaky ass interdimensional multidimensional maggots?" Everyone turned to Gru. Gru smirked hagahookacowingly, grunted, "Zey writhe within me," and then sprinted off into the collection of mummified people and creatures. "STOP RIGHT THERE, THIS SLUG WILL TURN YOUR ASS INTO A THIRD-TRIMESTER FETUS FROM THIRTY YARDS!!!" One testicle yelled, pulling out a strange slug-like creature and wielding it like a glock. Gru didn't listen, vanishing into the tubes of bong water mummies, and the testicles both shouted a string of obscene profanities and sprinted after him. "What the fuck is going on?" Endie asked quietly. "I have no idea, but I'm horny!" Gonzo grinned. "No one gives a single shit, you STD sample bank." Pyramid Head snapped. "Ces boulettes de viande avaient l'air en colère." Francoeur pointed out with concern. "NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS YOU EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP JEAN VELJEAN?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, spin-kicking Gonzo in the face. Suddenly, from up ahead among the bong water mummies, the familiar yells of the testicle monsters was heard, followed by loud bangs and flashes of light. Then, an ear-piercing, shrill cackling that could only belong to Gru. "What just happened?" The enderman whispered. Suddenly, Charlie, pyramid head, Gonzo, Endie and Francoeur were instantaneously transported to a hot air balloon. Gru was nowhere to be seen. "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" The enderman screamed, clinging to the edge of the basket in terror. "C'est comme être de retour à Paris!" Francoeur shouted gleefully, throwing his hands up. "I HATE TO QUOTE ENDERWHORE BUT, QUITE GENUINELY, WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" Pyramid head yelled. "Hey, look, the Eiffel tower!!" Gonzo shrieked with delirious glee, pointing out the hot air balloon's basket. "Gonzo, get a fucking grip-" Pyramid Head snapped, but cut himself off as he looked up and saw that they were, very genuinely, floating past the very top of the Eiffel tower. "NOUS SOMMES A PARIS!!!" Francoeur yelled joyfully. "Well, we're in Paris!" Charlie said with a hysterical grin. "What the fuck are we doing in Paris?!! We were in The End a minute ago!!!" Pyramid head shouted. "Some immensely powerful force must have telekinetically teleported us here." Charlie explained, and Pyramid Head choke-slammed Gonzo and yelled, "Gru!!" Suddenly, a deranged stereotypical villain laugh sounded, and the Charliemind gang turned to see Commissioner Maynott, the deranged evil dude from A Monster In Paris, sailing in a hot air balloon alongside them. "Je t'ai maintenant monstre!!" Maynott yelled, producing a gun. "Tringler tu, requin de poids!!" Francoeur yelled, flipping off Maynott with all four of his hands. "Oh mon Dieu, blasphème!!" Maynott shrieked, firing his gun at Francoeur. It ricochetted off Francouer's exoskeleton and bounced up, popping the hot air balloon the charliemind gang were in. The bullet had pierced the balloon at an odd angle, causing it to rip, and the massive release of pressurised air caused the balloon to go shooting across the sky of Paris, and everyone in the balloon's basket screamed hysterically as it tore through the air at warp speed. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?!!" Pyramid head yelled. "That deranged guy with a massive head is called Maynott, he wants to kill Francoeur because he's deranged, and Francoeur told him to go fuck himself!" Charlie explained with a grin, holding his hands in the air gleefully like he was on a rollercoaster as the balloon continued it's deranged careening through the sky. "WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!" The enderman screamed. "I am going to be sick!" Gozno chirped, looking wide-eyed and manic. "We're goin' down!!" Charlie yelled with grin, gripping the edge of the basket as the balloon plummeted earthwards, everyone screaming even louder and grabbing whatever or whoever they could to avoid falling out the basket. Gonzo, being in a giddy, mentally derailed state, didn't do this, and went flying out the basket with a manic cackle, spinning like a turbine engine on overdrive as he went free falling towards the rooftops of Paris. "Hey look, a wedding!" Charlie shouted, pointing out the basket. "WELL WE'RE ABOUT TO CRASH THEIR WEDDING, VERY LITERALLY!!!" Pyramid head yelled as the balloon continued its meteoric plunge towards the ground. Finally, the entire hot air balloon went crashing into the wedding's audience, crushing and killing five people. The charliemind gang, minus Gonzo and Gru, who still hadn't reappeared, crawled from the wreckage of the hot air balloon, coughing and gasping for air. Charlie stood and yelled, "Congratulations!!" to the grooms, who were Emile and Raoul, the fruity dumbasses from A Monster In Paris. "Oh my!" Emile exclaimed gayly, "I may just faint!"
"Don't worry, I'll catch you, mon amour!" Raoul shouted. "How come you two twinks are speaking english?!" Pyramid head snapped, pushing the unconscious enderman off him as he stood. "I heard your skinless friend speak english, so I spoke in english too so he can understand me." Raoul replied, catching Emile as he fainted daintily. "We can all speak english, who're you?" A woman asked, approaching the charliemind gang. "Lucille!!" Francoeur exclaimed, leaping up and running to the woman. "Francoeur, are you hurt?" Lucille gushed, hugging the giant flea. "I went to a place with dead people in glass tubes and met these scary people!" Fancoeur smiled, gesturing to the charliemind gang. "Hello, we're the scary people!" Charlie grinned, waving at Lucille, Emile and Raoul. "Wait a fucking minute, stop the fucking bus, hold the motherfucking phone, flea-farm, you could speak ENGLISH this whole time?!! Why the fuck were you only speaking in french?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "You all scared me so I pretended to only speak French so I wouldn't have to talk to you as much." Francoeur explained. "You!! I know you!! You're the asshole who was on the phone to me earlier!!!" Lucille shouted at Pyramid head. "Oh yeah, and you're the flea fucker!" Pyramid Head taunted with malicious delight. "I DID NOT FUCK FRANCOEUR!!!!" Lucille screamed furiously. "She totally did." Raoul smirked. "She fucked that flea." Emile said, regaining consciousness and swooning when he realised he was in his new husband's arms. "I DID NOT!!!" Lucille howled. "Don't let it bother you darling, this is a wedding, and we'll party like we're porn stars!" Raoul shouted, picking up a bottle of champagne. The remaining guests cheered in agreement, their shock of the charliemind gang's entrance finally subsiding. "Flea fucker." Pyramid head muttered under his breath, and Lucille span round and said, "Excuse me?"
"I didn't say anything, maybe you need some sleep? You're acting crazy." Pyramid Head gaslighted. Lucille's eye twitched. "What's a flea?" Francoeur asked. "YOU'RE A FUCKING FLEA!!! WE'VE BEEN CALLING YOU A FLEA THIS WHOLE TIME, DID YOU JUST GO ALONG WITH IT EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE SAYING YOU GIGANTIC FUCKING ZOMBIE?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled furiously. "I assumed it was another insult." Francoeur replied. "Francoeur, une puce." Lucille explained, and Francoeur's eyes lit up and he said, "Ohhh, oui, oui, I understand now!"
"Can we get back to me and Emile's deliciously gay wedding?" Raoul sashayed, pouring the champagne out for everyone and taking one flute for himself. Emile delicately picked up a glass too and said, "To Raoul, the love of my life!"
"To me, drink up, bitches!" Raoul shouted, chugging his champagne. The charliemind gang all went and grabbed their own glasses, and all seemed relatively normal for a split second if you ignored the giant crashed hot air balloon and corpses of wedding attendees who had been crushed to death. And the giant flea and nearby monkey called Charles who was downing an entire bottle of champagne. Then Gru burst out of the wedding cake holding Gonzo's corpse, sending icing flying everywhere, and threw Gonzo's mangled body into the audience yelling, "WHOEVER CATCHES IT VILL DIE NEXT!!!!" Everyone hurriedly jumped up and scrambled back to avoid Gonzo's corpse as it crashed down onto a white folding chair, completely destroying it. Emile fainted pathetically again.