Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Gelatinous Horror

Everyone ran screaming back towards the camp, forgetting their original purpose of finding Francoeur as they fled the rapidly-spreading bushfire. "Where the fuck is Charlie?!!" Pyramid Head yelled, dodging a falling tree. "I DUNNO, PROBABLY STILL LOOKING FOR FRANCOEUR!!!" Endie yelled back, swatting a flaming twig out of his way as he sprinted back to the camp. However, when they got back to the camp they saw that Charlie was already waiting for them, along with Francoeur and a strange, hairless, skinny creature that resembled a very large, grey sphynx cat. "CHARLIE, RUN, THERE'S A BUSHFI- what the fuck is that?!!" Pyramid Head yelled as he sprinted into the camp. "This is The Trowel, we've had a good chat and realised that it was all a misunderstanding! See, it's a creature that only hunts and psychologically torments humans, so we're all safe!" Charlie chirped. "Just a cryptid doin' cryptid things." The Trowel explained with a shrug. "Why did you snatch Francwhore then and send us romping all over the fucking marsh?!" Pyramid Head snapped. "I thought it would be funny." The Trowel grinned. "So, you're the legendary creature The Trowel, huh?" Radioactive Rooster asked. "That's me." The Trowel replied proudly. "Eviscerated any campers or hikers recently?" Radioactive Rooster queeried curiously. "Yes, but that's not all I do! I also have a gardening show, and I cook from time to time!" The Trowel said with a smile, before pointing over at the tents and asking, "Say, should those be on fire?"
"I FORGOT TO SAY BUT CHARLIE, ROOSTER FREAK STARTED A FOREST FIRE, EVERYONE FUCKING RUN!!!" Pyramid Head yelled and chaos broke out, everyone shrieking and sprinting off, scattering across the swamp in the same general direction to avoid being engulfed by the rapidly spreading fire. "MY EYES BURN!!" Gonzo shrieked with a grin, coughing his lungs up due to all the accumulating smoke. "GOD, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!!!" Endie cried as he ran. Radioactive Rooster turned suddenly, watching as the flames engulfed his beloved camp, and said, "I'm nothing without Stinka-Wah-Way. A CAPTAIN SHOULD GO DOWN WITH HIS SHIP!!!" With that, he sprinted into the fire with a battlecry, vanishing into the flames. "Monsieur coq!!" Francoeur yelled, turning a full 180 on his heel to go after the deranged glowing rooster. "FORGET HIM, HE'S FUCKING GONE!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "Triangle's right, keep running Franc!!" Charlie shouted, grabbing Francoeur by the hand and continuing to sprint away, dragging the giant flea behind him. "Zis vould be a terrible time for me to suddenly piss my maid bloomers." Gru sneered, and Pyramid Head turned to face him and yelled, "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE YOU BLOATED SEPTIC TANK!!!!" It was too late; Gru had already turned to face the raging forest fire and was now pissing into the flames like a pressure hose. The fire became three times higher, towering above the tops of trees as it ate away chunks of the marshland. Gonzo, who was still glowing a luminous green, acted like a conductor for the flames, and burst into a ball of fire as if he was made of molten sulphur. "Monsieur muppet!!" Francoeur cried, turning to run after Gonzo, who was zigzagging across the marsh, flaming like a bonfire and screaming like a banshee on a medieval rack. "FUCK GONZO, SAVE YOUR FUCKING SELF YOU BRAINDEAD BLOODSUCKER!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "THIS IS JUST LIKE BEING BACK IN FLORIDA!!!" The Trowel shrieked as it ran. "FLY, YOU FOOLS!!!" Charlie yelled, grabbing Gonzo by the scruff of his neck and shaking him like a magic 8-ball as he ran, trying to extinguish him. Gonzo howled like a chimpanzee in an industrial wood chipper as he was jostled around in midair, still flaming like a medicinal elderly woman with a black cat in medieval times. After a few minutes of sprinting through the swamp, some being singed by the forest fire on the way, they finally came to the edge of the marshlands and crashed out of the underbrush into a tesco parking lot. The Trowel gasped, said, "Ooh, a Tesco! I'm gonna grab a meal deal, don't wait up," and scampered off into the Tesco. "WHAT THE FUCK IS A TESCO?!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "NEVER MIND THAT, QUICK, THERE'S A CAR OVER THERE WITH THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION, EVERYONE IN, THE FIRE'S STILL SPREADING!!" Charlie shouted, pointing to a battered old morris marina and everyone barrelled over to the car and clambered inside. Charlie, however, remained outside and said, "I'm too big to fit in the car, go on without me and meet me at-"
"Charlie, if you say Silent Hill I will loose my shit!!" Pyramid Head interrupted. "Meet me at Animal Massacre Veterinary Clinic, it's a few miles from here!" Charlie replied hastily, before shrieking as a flaming tree fell on a car nearby and sprinting off, waving goodbye to the others. Gonzo, who was in the driver's seat, floored the accelerator, and the car shot forwards faster than a Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird trying to outrun the local Byker crackhead after injecting a 3000mg solution of liquid creatine and meth into his bloodstream. Everyone screamed, except Gru, who smirked abnauseflemingly and lecherated, "Hrududu."
"THIS CAR GOES SO FAST BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, clinging to his chair as the car went careening over hills and through towns. "LOOK OUT FOR THAT OLD LADY!!!" Endie screamed, and Gonzo spotted the elderly woman Endie was referring to and shouted, "WELL SPOTTED!!!" With that, he swerved the car and deliberately ran her over, laughing deliriously before continuing to drive manically down the road. "GONZO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled as Gonzo went crashing straight through an antiques shop and out the other side, decimating everything inside on the way. An old oil painting hit the windscreen, blocking Gonzo's view, but he didn't slow the car down at all. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" Endie cried, clinging to Pyramid Head. "Je viens de chier mon exosquelette!!!" Francoeur shrieked as Gonzo went barreling through an apartment building, taking out the entire lower floor and giggling manically as the entire apartment block buckled and went crashing down in a huge cloud of plaster and dust. "GONZO YOU WARPED CHODE, DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE WAY TO THE FUCKING VET?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. Gonzo punched a fist through his window, completely shattering it, and stuck his head out. He then proceeded to emit a loud clicking sound, turning his head around like a periscope before pulling his head through the shattered window back into the car and saying, "Now I know where it is!!" Francoeur undid his seatbelt to lean out his window and pull the oil painting off the windscreen, and as soon as he had, it was revealed two people were about to get run over. "BREAK!!!!" Endie shrieked, and Gonzo robotically complied, causing the car to screech to a halt and miss the two people in front by a millimetre. The suddenness of the car's stop caused Francoeur to fly completely out of the window and go rolling down the street, finally plummeting down a manhole and disappearing from sight. The two people they'd almost hit happened to be none other than Papyrus and Mettaton from Undertale. "CRAPYRUS?!! WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "I'm not sure exactly, one minute I was in The End with all of you and then some otherworldly force teleported me to Britain! That's where I ran into Mettaton. We're going on a date!" Papyrus explained happily. Gru smirked vomit-inducingly and haemorrhaged, "I may have been teleporting people to Britain this whole time."
"Wait... are we in Britain right now?!! IS THAT WHY WE SAW A WEIRD SHOP CALLED 'TITSCO' OR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST IN THE USA?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "I may have also accidentally teleported us to Britain. I was putting off telling you because.... well, it's Britain." Endie chimed in apologetically. "Oh my god, oh my god, I can't stand being in Britain!!" Pyramid Head shrieked. "Oh darling, calm yourself, it's not so bad here!" Mettaton grinned, reapplying his lipstick. "Hey, you remind me of Charlie, a friend of ours." Endie observed. "The skinless centipede man? Me and him go way back," Mettaton exclaimed with a grin, "We met in a gay bar and were inseparable for a long time! Well, until I turned into a murderous attention-craving psychopath and ran off to go on killing sprees."
"Hey, did anyone else see Francoeur go down that manhole?" Endie asked, pointing up the road to the hole Francoeur had fallen down. "Forget it. I'm not going down there after him, we've already been traipsing after his dumbass all night, besides, he's a fucking flea, those things can survive anything. He'll be fine." Pyramid Head muttered. "Agreed, let's go meet Charlie." Endie said, stepping back into the car. "If you're going to meet Charlie, would you mind if me and this cute skeleton here tag along? I'd love to see how Charlie's doing." Mettaton said with a smile, and Papyrus somehow blushed despite having no blood. "Sure, whatever." Pyramid Head replied bluntly, climbing into the car after Endie. Mettaton smiled and got into the car with Papyrus, trying not to gag when he caught sight of Gru slouched in the boot of the car like a grotesque flesh puddle. Once everyone was on board, Gonzo grinned with delirious glee and slammed his foot onto the accelerator, everyone shrieking in surprise as the car went bombing down the road faster than a tent in a hurricane, and in under a minute thanks to Gonzo's maniacal driving, they arrived at Animal Massacre Vet, and Gonzo slammed his foot on the brake causing the car to screech suddenly to a halt, throwing everyone out of their seats. "Note to self: never let Gonzo drive the fucking car again." Pyramid Head muttered as he stumbled out the car. The others all followed after him, most crawling shakily out the vehicle except, of course, Gru, who went forwards-rolling out like a gigantic, flabby, vein-streaked flesh bowling ball. Charlie was already waiting for them, and smiled when he caught sight of the others. "Hell-oh my GOD, Mettaton, darling! I haven't seen you in forever!!" Charlie exclaimed, scuttling over and hugging the flamboyant robot. "Charlie dearest, how've you been?!" Mettaton grinned, returning Charlie's hug. "You know, causing chaos, marrying aliens, going camping. The usual." Charlie replied with a grin. "This is my boyfriend, Papyrus." Mettaton smiled, gesturing to the deranged grinning skeleton. "Hello, Charlie!" Papyrus shouted cheerily. Suddenly, a man on cruches limped over and yelled, "PLEASE HELP ME, MY DOG'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK IN MY CAR AND I CAN'T CARRY HIM TO THE 5TH FLOOR OF THE VET'S WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE!!!" Panic broke out amongst the charliemind gang (and Papyrus and Mettaton), and Charlie rushed over to the car, scooped up the incapacitated K-9 and shouted, "DON'T WORRY, WE'LL TAKE HIM THERE!!!"
"Hurry Charlie!!" Endie called, holding open the vet's doors, and Charlie rushed in with the dog, followed by all the others, who sprinted up the stairs after him to see the what would happen. "DO YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT?!!!" The vet behind the help desk screeched after them, before slumping forwards with a sigh of defeat as the charliemind gang ignored her and disappeared up the stairs. The man on crutches leant against his car and had a panic attack. During the sprint up the stairs, they crashed into a group of vets, one of whom said, "Hey, you lot can't be here!"
"SHUT UP WE'RE SAVING A DOG!!!!" Charlie screeched back, and Pyramid Head grabbed his massive knife, used the blunt end to knock out all the vets and yelled, "Everyone put on the vet uniforms so they'll let us up!!" Everyone very hastily pulled on the vet uniforms in under ten seconds flat and then continued to sprint up the stairs, tripping over their hurriedly-put-on vet trousers and aprons as they ran and trying to sort out their uniforms on the way, smoothing down shirts and pulling up trousers until they stumbled onto the fifth floor. One of the vets caught sight of them and shouted, "Oh good, more vets!"
"This dog's having a heart attack!!" Charlie screeched. "Here, I'll take that dog off your hands and treat him, you're all needed in room 9!" The vet replied in a panic, taking the dog out of Charlie's arms as other vets swarmed the group of seven and bustled them all down the corridor to room 9. "But we're not-" Endie began, but it was too late; they were shoved into the room, where a man sat on a chair next to a gigantic, and I mean gigantic, slug, that was currently oozing across an operating table. "Oh good, the surgeons are here! Quickly, my pet giant African slug swallowed a microwave and is choking!!!" The man yelled, leaping up as the other vets slammed the door behind the charliemind gang (and Papyrus and Mettaton), leaving them all trapped in the room with the man and his giant pet slug. "See, the thing is, we're not actually-" Endie began. "Point to the approximate location of the microwave, I'll fish it out no problem!" Pyramid Head interrupted, deciding to play along and pretend to be an actual qualified vet. "Yes darling, do spill." Mettaton grinned, loving the anarchy. "It should be about- hey, shouldn't you know slug anatomy, being a vet?" The man asked. "Slugs are not my area of expertise, now stop being a difficult twat and point to the approximate location of the fucking microwave!!" Pyramid Head yelled, making the man jump, and he pointed a trembling finger to an area of the slug between it's head and midsection, the throat, if you will. Pyramid Head leapt onto the operating table, grabbed the slug, and forced one of his hands down it's oesophagus and began to rummage around. The man gasped in horrified shock at Pyramid Head's rough 'treatment', and Charlie bustled the man to the door and said, "Maybe it's best if you wait outside." The man tried to protest, but Charlie shoved him outside before he could and slammed the door behind him, turning back to face Pyramid Head and hissing, "Triangle, why are you impersonating a vet?!"
"Why the fuck not, I'm bored." Pyramid Head replied bluntly, continuing to rummage around inside the slug. Charlie looked like he was about to protest, but then he grinned and said, "Oh well, yolo."
"Gelatinous horror." Gru smirked, eyeing the slug lustfully. "This isn't a good idea!" Endie hissed, watching with concern as Pyramid Head pulled his hand out the slug's mouth and shouted, "I can't find the fucking microwave!!" Mettaton pushed Endie out the way and said, "Slide aside darling, let Vettaton check for a pulse." With that, Mettaton grabbed a stethoscope and held it to the slug, before gasping dramatically and yelling, "No heartbeat!! Quick, Papyrus dear, get me a defibrillator!!"
"Right away, my robot lover!" Papyrus shouted with a grin, rushing over and yanking an animal defibrillator off the wall before sprinting back over and handing it to Mettaton. Mettaton grabbed the two handheld electroshock-administering devices, rubbed them together and watched gleefully as sparks flew, before finally throwing his head back and screaming, "CLEARRR!!!!" With that, he pressed the defibrillator devices to the slug, and the extreme level of electricity due to the fact that Mettaton hadn't set the device to a specific wattage instantly reduced the slug to a pile of gunge and slime. "Gelatinous horror." Gru observed with a contented nod. "WE WIN!!!" Gonzo yelled gleefully, jumping up and down. "I really don't think that's a good sign." Endie said flatly.