Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Gorilla Warfare

The crowd cheered fearfully as Gru was handed the Miss Universe trophy, still levitating above the demolished stage, bowing and flashing a hideous yellow-toothed grin at the audience as the smoke and fire from the dalek's explosion filled the stadium. "How the- H-HOW DID HE WIN-" The enderman stammered. "I TOLD YOU IT'S GRU!!! GOD, YOUR FUCKING ENDERMAN VOICE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled back, and the enderman blinked and finally broke down, bursting into tears. Suddenly, Pyramid Head noticed Gonzo sprinting through the audience and watched in disbelief as he vanished into the disabled toilets. "GUYS I JUST FUCKING SAW GONZO?!!" He shouted in bewildered shock. "Oh well done triangle man, your sooo smart," The enderman mimicked sarcastically, "How does that feel, huh?! Being mocked?! It hurts, doesn't it!"
"That was fucking pathetic." Pyramid head stated bluntly. The enderman blinked again and briefly looked like he was going to start crying again, but then his expression darkened, his jaw dislocated and he let out a grating, crackling scream and began to attack Pyramid Head. While that was happening, Gru suddenly devoured his trophy in three seconds flat, and the crowd fell briefly silent in shock, before beginning their terrified cheers again in hopes that Gru would show them mercy and spare them his wrath. Gonzo fled from the bathroom pushing a wheelchair that he had stolen from a poor irish man, wheeling it along faster than the speed of sound before he veered to the left and ran towards Charlie, Pyramid head and the enderman (who were still fighting.) "HEY GUYS I FOUND A CRIPPLE CAR!!!" Gonzo yelled gleefully. Prince Charming wheeled into the theatre tragically, also coincidentally in a stolen wheelchair, and eyed Gonzo hungrily; everyone knew his gay ass had a thing for muppets. "GIVE ME BACK MA WHEELCHAIR YA DAFT CUNT!!!!" An irish man yelled after Gonzo, crawling out the disabled toilets. "Ah, despacito." Observed Charlie. Pyramid Head and the enderman were still fighting, and Pyramid Head managed to grab the enderman before he teleported again, and body slammed him to the ground. The enderman screeched and flailed, trying to get free as Pyramid Head pinned him down. Pyramid Head stared down menacingly into the enderman's eyes, and as Pyramid Head drew back a fist, the enderman suddenly felt something other than terror. A feeling that made him feel giddy and excited; it may have been some warped version of Stockholm syndrome, but the enderman didn't care, and suddenly, the enderman was absolutely positive about two things: first, Edward was a vampire, and secondly, he was wholly and irreversibly in love with Pyramid Head. "I'm in love with you." The enderman stated bluntly, and Pyramid Head hesitated on punching him, the cogs in his brain trying to turn before stumbling back and falling clumsily into the back of a chair with a crash. "....WHAT?!!" He yelled eventually. "I'm in love with you. I don't know how or why, but.... I just suddenly fell in love with you. I'm pretty sure it's Stockholm syndrome, but I don't care. I want you to hold me in your arms, and whisper sweet nothings to me in my home world of the end." The enderman explained genuinely. Pyramid was speechless in complete and utter shock. "Well this certainly took a twist." Charlie grinned. "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY, GAY GAY GAY GAY, GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!" Gonzo sung manically to the tune of the toreador song from Carmen. "Not me, I'm an alien, I wish people thought I was gay." The enderman said flatly. "The mannequin monster's gonna freak when he finds out about this, he's always had a major crush on me." Pyramid Head said finally, still not able to fully process what the enderman had said. "Say Gonzo, how did you get out of police custody?" Charlie asked. "I murdered all the pigs in the cop car and legged it. I've done it before, and I'll do it again." Gonzo grinned back. Suddenly, The Farty Godmother™, riding King Harold, lumbered her way into the stadium, wearing her iconic red dress and singing 'I need a hero' as per. "MUMMY?!!" Prince Charming blustered, swivelling round violently in his stolen wheelchair. The enderman was blushing bright purple as Pyramid Head glanced at him and then glanced away again, still partly in disbelief and partly trying to comprehend what the enderman's thought processes were. Gru was still on stage, aggressively doing the wap in victory and smirking smirkishly. The audience had began throwing offerings at him, which were filling the stage. "So are you two dating now?" Charlie asked Pyramid head and the enderman. "NO!!! No." Pyramid Head stated for the record, and the enderman looked crestfallen. "Don't be sad enderwhore, if you get me drunk enough I'd probably have a one night stand with you like I did with Charlie." Pyramid Head added bluntly, and the enderman seemed to cheer up again. Pyramid Head's attention was suddenly drawn to Nikocado, who was live-streaming himself frantically eating seven family sized KFC chicken buckets while sobbing hysterically. "ENJOY HAVING HIGH CHOLESTEROL YOU FAT BASTARD!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. Seeing Pyramid Head being vicious and spiteful made the enderman feel some kinda way, so he said, "Wanna go get drunk?" Pyramid Head punched Gonzo in the face in excitement and yelled, "OF FUCKING COURSE!!! No wait-"
"Ok but seriously, can we all get out of here? Watching Gru continuously do the wap is making me claustrophobic." The enderman stated, and Pyramid head said, "Sure, whatever," and walked with the enderman to the stadium's exit, much to the enderman's delight. Charlie sniffed, daintily wiping a tear from his eye and saying, "They're such a lovely couple. It's so nice to see Pyramid Head finding love."
"I decapitated a police man!" Gonzo grinned back. In a final act of maliciousness, Gru regurgitated a grenade, pulled the pin out with one of his articulate, bird-of-prey-like feet and launched it into the crowd. The crowd were all released by the invisible force that was keeping them in their seats and leapt up with screams and howls, scrambling over one another to get away from the grenade and forming a fatal crush. Charlie grabbed Gonzo by the scruff of his neck and managed to flee the stadium after Pyramid Head and the enderman just in time when; BOOM!!! The grenade went off, the bright light of the explosion flashing from within the double doors leading to the stadium and smoke from both the grenade and the dalek quickly polluting the air in thick, dark clouds as the fire spread. Suddenly, the roar of what sounded like an absolutely psychotic man or some kind of large animal echoed through the halls and made the four of them jump. "Let's get the fuck out of here." Pyramid Head stated flatly. "What about Gruesome Gru?" The enderman asked. "He'll be fine, trust me!" Charlie shouted. "Everyone grab onto me and I'll teleport us out of here." The enderman said, and the other three grabbed the enderman's elongated arms and then the enderman teleported and they all vanished from the hallway, reappearing in the carpark of the Miss Universe: Pageant Institute Stunner System and Accurate Seductress Selection (P.I.S.S. A.S.S.). What the group of four saw as soon as they were out made them all freeze in complete bewildered shock; an army of gorillas surrounded the P.I.S.S. A.S.S. "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Pyramid head yelled. One of the gorillas pounded it's chest with a roar and charged towards the gang, all the other surrounding primates following it's example, and the enderman grabbed everyone in a panic and teleported onto the roof of the flaming P.I.S.S. A.S.S. Gru was, of course, already somehow up there, still doing his wap victory dance. "Hi Gru." Charlie grinned. "A-are these monkeys even real? How do we know it's not just the acid kicking in?" The enderman asked. "They're actually gorillas." Gonzo grinned, and Pyramid Head punched him in the face again. "Acid doesn't cause collective hallucinations, the hallucinations are unique to the person experiencing them," Charlie explained, "Plus the acid should take at least a few hours to kick in because none of us are human."
"Brilliant, so all the monkeys are real. Fucking fantastic." Pyramid Head snapped sarcastically. "Gorillas." Gonzo corrected from the floor. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" Pyramid head yelled. The enderman looked at Gonzo and screamed, jumping back in fright before stammering, "S-sorry, I.... your face just warped and became so utterly hideous."
"Now that's the acid kicking in," Charlie grinned, "I feel like I'm gonna have a good trip."
"It's Gonzo, he always looks like that, especially after being punched in the face twice by me." Pyramid head stated bluntly, and the enderman looked at Pyramid Head's pronounced biceps and felt his heart beat to the rhythm of Like An Enderman (ThnxCya). Suddenly, Prince Charming burst through the fire exit doors onto the roof in his wheelchair, let out a terrified scream, and sped past the Charliemind gang, tearing across the roof and going straight off the edge. The others heard his feminine screams echo pathetically up before they were abruptly silenced as a loud crash from below sounded as him and his wheelchair smashed on impact with the ground, and turned to see what had cause his panicked suicide; there, in the fire exit, was a horde of gorillas. The biggest howled and threw the Farty Godmother's and Prince Harold's remains onto the roof.

"She really does need a hero now, jesus christ." Pyramid Head said bluntly as he stared at the Farty Grandmother's mangled corpse. "State of her now." Charlie said sombrely, shaking his head. "LET'S FUCKING GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The enderman yelled, reminding Charlie and Pyramid head that there were a horde of angry gorillas on the roof of the P.I.S.S. A.S.S. The enderman grabbed everyone and teleported into the Krab Car, which was still parked in the carpark below, and yelled, "WHO'S DRIVING?!! WE CAN'T LET GRU DRIVE AGAIN!!"
"Don't know, don't care." Pyramid Head said bluntly, slouching into the passenger seat. The enderman shrugged and jumped into the drivers seat, and Charlie sighed in relief and said, "Thank god, I thought I was gonna have to drive and I am seriously starting to trip now. I can see every fragmented colour in my hands." The mob of apes were already attacking the Krab car, and the enderman slammed his foot on the accelerator and the Krab Car careened forwards faster than Olaf the snowman sliding down polished marble on a particularly hot day. Its brief supersonic run was cut short just as they cleared the swarm of gorillas, because they crashed right into David from Alien Covenant and sent him flying back and skidding 30 feet down the road. "⌇⊑⟟⏁!!!" The enderman yelled, slamming on the breaks. "'Vwoop vwoop this, vwoop vwoop that, stop speaking like a Russian smoker doing an impression of a vacuum cleaner and be fucking coherent for once!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, almost flying through the windscreen. "WEAR YOUR FUCKING SEATBELT!!!!" The enderman screamed, driving forwards towards David and jumping out the car. "We're going on a road trip, a road trip, a road trip!!" Charlie yelled gleefully, the acid effecting him the fastest due to the fact that he was the only one there with (partly) human DNA. "I von mizz vorld." Gru smirked proudly out of nowhere. The enderman hoisted David up, bundled him in the back of the car with Charlie, Gru and Gonzo, and then got shakily back into the drivers seat and said, "We'll see if he's badly damaged later, I'm getting out of this gorilla-infested death trap!!"
"Why the fuck are there so many fucking gorillas in the first place?!!" Pyramid yelled as the enderman floored it. "That may have been my doing," David said suddenly, sitting up like Nosferatu and making Gonzo and Charlie scream. "I should've fucking known." Pyramid head muttered. "Let me explain," David began, "As part of my experiments with biological manipulation and gene splicing, I decided to backtrack the homo sapien's timeline and experiment with another less-intelligent branch of their extended family by seeing if I could successfully lab-grow an army of gorillas. The answer was yes, and I kept them all locked safely away beneath the P.I.S.S. A.S.S. building. Unfortunately, when your hideous bald friend threw a grenade into the crowd in the stadium, it blew a hole in the roof of their enclosure and they all escaped."
"Gru, I just knew this would somehow involve you." Pyramid Head said flatly. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!" They heard the enderman scream, and all looked forwards to see a giant mechanical wombat lumbering down the road ahead. There were still a few of them left aimlessly meandering the world after the sky-darkening event caused by Gru started a global apocalypse. "GIANT ROBOT HERBIVORE, SWERVE!!!!" Charlie screamed, and the enderman veered out the path of the mechanical wombat and went careening off the road, crashing through fences, houses and shops. "THIS IS BARELY BETTER THAN GRU'S DRIVING!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "THAT'S BECAUSE I'VE NEVER DROVE BEFORE IN MY LIFE, I'M A FUCKING ENDERMAN!!!! WHY WOULD I NEED A CAR?!!!" The enderman screamed back. "A good and valid point made by the enderman," Charlie grinned like a deranged gameshow host before saying, "Wait, where are we going?"
"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE FUCKING NONEXISTENT ROAD!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled at the enderman, who turned back to face the front and screamed; the car had entered a mall, and was just about to plummet down a dingy staircase that led to the storage room. The enderman didn't have time to process what was happening before the car shot straight down the staircase, everyone being jostled around in the car and screaming all the while. Gru went rolling back into Gonzo, his insurmountable weight crushing Gonzo beyond recognition, and Charlie looked at Gonzo's maimed form and shouted, "One down, five to go!!" At the bottom of the staircase there was an elevator shaft that went down to the storage room, but the elevator had got stuck at the very top, meaning that the Krab car went flying into the elevator shaft below it and plummeted down into the basement storage room, an almighty crash echoing up the elevator shaft as it hit the ground. "Guys, the enderman's fucking dead!!" Charlie yelled in the darkness of the storage room. "God I wish that were me." Gonzo croaked. "Vell at least he's out ze picture." Gru smirked tauntingly.