They were finally on the plane, and slumped exhaustedly into their seats. The plane was a wide-bodied aircraft, three seats on each side with a wide pathway down the centre dividing them. Pyramid head had bullied everyone off one row so the gang could sit on a row together. "I'm gonna sleep for a week." The enderman mumbled, who was sitting a respectable distance from Pyramid Head as a voice came over the intercom telling everyone that they could now undo seatbelts. "Do you still have a crush on me?" Pyramid head asked cautiously, and the enderman looked away and said, "Maybe."
"Why aren't you being horrible and obnoxious and intrusive then?! With Megamind, who was eternally simping over Charlie, he just would not leave Charlie alone!!" Pyramid Head replied. "It's true, I was constantly tormented. Megamind could not take no for an answer; in honest fact I don't think he understood the fact that no matter what he did, I would never be attracted to him." Charlie chimed in. "That's really fucking toxic!!" The enderman shouted, partly in shock and partly to be heard over the roaring of the aircraft's engines, "Why would I torment you if I wanted you to like me?! Respecting people is important!"
"Wow... you're so right." Charlie replied. "Yeah. Megamind has totally warped how I see crushes.... and relationship.. and everything actually." Pyramid Head added bluntly. Suddenly, four blueish-black insectoid hands gripped the headboard of the chair in front and Francoeur, the giant singing showbiz flea from A Monster In Paris, peeked over his chair from the row in front and stared down at the charliemind gang with massive, amber eyes. "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Pyramid Head yelled, raising his hands in defence. "Hey, I know you! You're Monsieur Francoeur, the singer! You're really good." Charlie grinned, shaking one of the flea's clawed appendages. Francoeur smiled and nodded back, hitting a flawless soprano high C. Charlie cheered and clapped. "What the fuck is going on?! How do you know this massive fly?!" Pyramid head snapped. "He's actually a flea. He does showbiz, and I love showbiz," Charlie grinned back before turning to Francoeur adding, "Where's the angel girl you sing with?" Francoeur pulled out an iPhone, tapped a few buttons and showed Charlie a message that read, 'Sorry I can't tour with you Franc, I'm going to Emile and Raoul's wedding. You'll do great, and remember, drinking animal blood is fine, but draining humans and household pets like a capri sun is not, please drink responsibly. Love, Lucille.'
"Aw, she calls you Franc. That's nice," Charlie smiled, "I'm so glad Emile and Raoul finally figured out they were gay for each other and are getting married."
"FRANK?!!" Pyramid Head yelled, looking around feverishly for the long gone Frankenstein only to see Gru and Gonzo sat on the row of seats beside him on the plane, Gru taking up two of the three seats with his gelatinous, liquid-like body. Gru turned to face him and twisted his horrific, yellowing, waxy face into a heinous leer. Pyramid Head turned back to face forwards and pulled out a bottle of vodka. "Hey, how did you get that on the plane?" Charlie asked, raising a nonexistent eyebrow (Charlie was not only scalp-bald, but eyebrow-bald as well.) "When the security guard said I had to get rid of it, I threatened to kill his family and he let me keep it." Pyramid head replied casually. Francoeur, who was still turned in his chair staring curiously at Charlie, Pyramid Head and the now fast asleep enderman, made a chirping noise and tilted his head at the bottle. "Hey, that's an idea! Let's get the giant flea pissed!" Pyramid Head shouted with glee, unscrewing the top of the vodka and handing Francoeur the bottle. Francoeur sniffed it and recoiled, but Charlie said, "Don't worry, only rubbing alcohol kills fleas!"
"Rubbing alcohol kills anything," Pyramid Head pointed out, "Except me."
"You don't have to drink it if you don't want to." Charlie smiled. "DRINK IT, FLEA!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, brandishing his knife. Francoeur looked fearful and took a sip of the vodka, grimacing at the taste, before swallowing the mouthful, blinking a few times, and then lastly chugging half the bottle down in one. "HELL YEAH, FRANC THE FLEA KNOWS HOW TO PARTYYY!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled gleefully as Francoeur handed the bottle back dizzily. Pyramid Head poured the remaining vodka into the hole in his pyramid, leant back in his chair and said, "Thank you, mother Russia." Gonzo suddenly let out a loud trumpet noise, his nose flying around manically as he did so like a psychotic elephant's trunk, before he fell silent again as suddenly as he had began. "WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING DOING THAT?!!!" Pyramid Head roared, making Francoeur leap into the air in shock, bang his head off the planes roof and fall back into his chair with a concussion. "I didn't do anything!!" Gonzo protested. "Gaslight gatekeep girlboss." Gru smirked under his breath. The enderman stirred from his deep sleep at all the commotion and mumbled, "Where am I?"
"Hey, I just realised something. Gonzo is a mosquito, and Frankencore or whatever his name is is a flea, meaning there are three blood-sucking parasites among us." Pyramid head mused. "Three blood-sucking parasites where?" The enderman asked calmly with a smile, though underlying hysteria was clearly present in his voice. "Who's the third?" Charlie asked. "Nosferatu the vampire. He's sitting two rows in front of us." Pyramid head replied. "Hey, he spiked a drink I had once! I was blind for a week." Gonzo grinned. "That's pretty shitty of him." The enderman said, sitting up and stretching. "Yeah, it is!" Charlie chimed in in agreement. "Hey, giant flea, you're sitting in front of him. Use your legs to kick the shit out of the back of his seat." Pyramid Head instructed with malicious delight. Francoeur nodded with a grin and began to absolutely pummel the back of Nosferatu's chair with his powerful back legs, Nosferatu screaming in shock and bewilderment as he was jostled around more than a hamster in a washing machine. Nosferatu desperately tried to undo his seatbelt and escape, but it was jammed. After a solid five minutes of kicking Nosferatu's chair, Francoeur still showed absolutely no sign of tiring or ceasing the non-stop battering. "Aren't your legs fucking hurting yet?!!" Pyramid head shouted over the racket of Francoeur's continuous chair decimation. "I highly doubt it, a flea can jump 30,000 times in a row without stopping. He'll still be kicking Nosferatu's chair by the time we get to Australia." Charlie grinned back. "How the fuck do you know that?!" Pyramid head yelled. "I know all!" Charlie smiled. Nosferatu had been thrown so violently around for so long that his brain had haemorrhaged, and he was now passed out, drooling and bleeding from his eyes. "Francoeur, you can stop kicking the shit out of Nosferatu now!" Pyramid Head snapped, and Francoeur finally ceased his chair-obliterating kicking and reached up, pulling out a guitar from the storage compartments above the seats. "Singalong!" Charlie chirped. "Can you play 'Hammer Smashed Face' by Cannibal Corpse?" Pyramid Head asked. Francoeur nodded, putting his acoustic guitar to the side, reaching up and pulling out a black electric guitar. "Oh, you play electric guitar now! Rad." Charlie grinned. Francoeur began aggressively shredding the electric guitar with the chords and playing style of Cannibal Corpse, and Pyramid Head cleared his throat and began in a loud death growl, "Violence is now a way of life!!! The sledge's my tool to torture!!! As it pounds down on your forehead!!! Eyes bulging from their sockets!!!
With every swing of my mallet!!! I smash your fucking head in, until brains seep in!!! Through the cracks, blood does leak!!!! Distorted beauty, catastrophe!!! Steaming slop, splattered all over me!!! Lifeless body, slouching dead!!! Lecherous abscess, where you once had a head!!!! Avoiding the prophecy of my new found lust!!! You will never live again, soon your life will end!!! I'll see you die at my feet, eternally I smash your face!!! Facial bones collapse as I crack your skull in half!!!! Crushing!! cranial!!! contents!!!! Draining the snot, I rip out the eyes!!!! Squeezing them in my hands nerves are incised!!! Peeling the flesh off the bottom of my weapon!!! Involuntarily pulpifying facial regions-"
"OH MY GOD, SHUT UP!!!!" Someone from the row behind yelled, and Francoeur stopped his manic guitar playing and Pyramid Head fell silent as they turned in slow, menacing unison to see who had shouted. It turned out the voice had belonged Jeffery Bezos, who now stood on his chair scowling at Pyramid Head and Francoeur. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE!!!!" He yelled furiously. "Oh, is that right, Bald Lightyear? What happened to you being in space, huh? In your gigantic cock-shaped rocket," Pyramid Head taunted, "That sure was something. That day millions of people all over the world looked up and said, 'Wow, that thing sure looks like a schlong. And what a diverse crew he took; different kinds of white people, including his younger brother, Mark, who looks like the cheapest version of Jeff Bezos sold on Amazon.' How can you fucking sleep when you left the rocket wearing a fucking cowboy hat. Nothing says 'I'm fruity, depressed and bald' like putting on a cowboy hat and blasting off to space in a giant metal dick," Pyramid Head continued viciously, his voice calm and blunt but each word delivered with so much malice that Jeffery Bezos instantly took 100 hits of psychic damage and collapsed backwards into his chair bleeding from all his facial orifices. Pyramid Head proceeded to grab Jeffery Bezos' limp form, hoist him up out of his seat, open the plane window and forcefully stuff his body out of it, watching in glee as Jeffery Bezos went flying backwards out the plane, screaming in terror before hitting the wing and being horribly maimed before continuing his rapid, flailing decent towards the ground miles below. "Why was Jeffery Bezos even on a commercial passenger plane? He could literally just buy an entire plane for himself and hire a private pilot to fly him wherever he wanted." The enderman pointed out as oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling. "Who gives a shit." Pyramid Head replied bluntly, slamming the window closed again. Suddenly, a noise more ear-piercingly intrusive than Pyramid Head and Francoeur's duet shattered the eardrums of everyone on the plane; a baby shrieking and crying obnoxiously. "SHUT YOUR TOOTHLESS MOUTH YOU GREASY BRAT!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled immediately. The baby turned to face him, it's sunken, beady eyes locking onto his pyramid with malicious intent, and then it flew out of it's mothers grip and began to savagely attack him. "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Pyramid Head screeched as he was mauled by the nightmarish infant. "I'm so sorry, he does this sometimes. No doctors can understand his behaviour, or inhuman strength... or levitation abilities. The church think he's lucifer reincarnated." The mother explained apologetically. Pyramid head was strong enough to keep the barbaric baby from doing him any serious damage, but he was trying to avoid punching an infant if he could. The enderman grabbed the baby and pried it off Pyramid Head, only for it to turn with a scowl to face the enderman and savagely attack him instead. "GET IT OFF ME!!!" He shrieked as the baby sank it's razor-sharp teeth into his shoulder, it's eyes glowing red. The mother leaned over her chair and cooed, "Now Cain, stop attacking that enderman and come here. Are you hungry? Does baby want some milky?" The baby spun round and snarled at it's mother, horns sprouting from it's forehead. Pyramid Head, who had finally had enough of the constant racket and decided that this creature didn't count as a human infant, grabbed Francoeur's acoustic guitar and whacked the demonic baby like a professional tennis player, sending it flying across the plane. It hit a wall with a dull thud before slowly sliding down and landing in a crumpled heap on the floor; dead. "So much for Lucifer. Fucking pathetic." Pyramid Head muttered. The mother let out a hysterical scream, flung open the evacuation door in the side of the aircraft and threw herself out of the plane. Chaos broke out immediately, others being sucked out their seats and out of the plane after her. Yet more oxygen masks dropped down in front of everyone and bright red lights flashed above the seats accompanied with a repetitive, beeping siren. The temperature in the plane plummeted rapidly, and Pyramid Head leapt forwards, holding onto his seatbelt to stop him from flying out the plane as he reached out and slammed the door shut again. The plane was left in disordered, crying chaos as people lay strewn all over the fuselage. Nosferatu had been catapulted back into David Bowie (who was also on the plane), and they now lay unconscious on the floor. Gonzo had smashed his head off the seat in front of him and was now also unconcious, the enderman was having a panic attack and Charlie was looking for a member of staff so he could order a hot chocolate. Gru was, as always, unharmed and unfazed, slouched in his chair with a stomach-churningly suspicious smile, and Francoeur was curiously inspecting the oxygen masks with shaking hands. "That was a fucking close one." Pyramid head mumbled as he slumped back into his seat between Charlie and the enderman. The enderman leaned onto his shoulder, still hyperventilating, and Pyramid Head sighed and patted him, too shell-shocked to protest. "It vas a close one." Gru's voice grated smugly, and everyone looked to see that Gru had teleported over to the door and had his twisted, skeletal hand on it's handle. "GRU, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!!!" Pyramid head screamed, but it was too late; Gru flung the door open and gurned gleefully as he was sucked backwards out the plane and vanished from sight. Yet more people were catapulted out the plane after him as the air pressure went haywire, the aircraft's interior decompressing explosively. As Pyramid Head tried to grab the door to shut it again, it was ripped off it's hinges by the ferocious air tearing past outside the plane. "THIS CANNOT GET ANY FUCKING WORSE!!!!" Nosferatu screeched as everyone who remained frantically fastened their seatbelts with difficulty and put their oxygen masks on. That's when the plane began to break apart.
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Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.
FanfictionNightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare n
