Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

The Fishmonger

No one argued, everyone sprinting down the hallway and crashing through the wooden door at the end. All of them tumbled out into another corridor with a staircase going up. "SHIT, SHIT, I'VE LOST MY JOB!!!" Moreau sobbed. "SHUT UP AND RUN!!!!" Pyramid Head shrieked, and they all barrelled up the stairs as King Henry went bumbling furiously after them at supersonic speed. "Airbrushed follicles!!!" Gru screeched gleefully as they ran. "The mammoths are going to be here soon!!" Gonzo howled manically. "FUCKING LUNATICS!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "My mind is a sewer and ze rats are getting out." Gru smirked back. "Who are you guys?!!" Moreau cried, tears streaming down his face. Henry was rapidly gaining on the stumbling, crushed charliemind gang, who were clambering over one another trying to get up the stairs. Suddenly, the side of the tower they were currently climbing exploded in a torrent of raining stone bricks and dust with a thunderous boom that shook the foundations of the tower, and a pack of mammoths came charging in onto the staircase blowing their trunks like cavalry trumpets. "HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" Pyramid Head screamed. Charlie yelped in shock, grabbing the other five and lifting them onto the back of his centipede-like body as he yelled, "HOLD ON!!!" Then he began to barrel up the stairs, everyone desperately clinging to his back and screaming hysterically. King Henry was temporarily slowed down by the swarm of mammoths blocking his path, but it didn't hold him back for long, and he shoved past the great furry beasts and continued bombing up the stairs after the others. "HOW DID THE MAMMOTHS GET OUT?!!" Moreau yelled in panicked hysteria, him and all the others still riding on Charlie's back. "YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE FUCKING MAMMOTHS?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled back. "YES, HENRY HAD ME GENETICALLY ENGINEER THEM IN THE ROYAL LAB SEEING AS I'M A SCIENTIST, BUT THEY MUST'VE GOT OUT SOMEHOW!!!!" Moreau shrieked, ducking under a mammoth's tusk as Charlie ran. "WHY DID HE WANT YOU TO ENGINEER A FUCKING ARMY OF MAMMOTHS??!!!!" Pyramid Head screamed, dodging a trumpeting, convulsing mammoth trunk. "I DON'T KNOW!!!!" Moreau cried, bursting into tears again. "IS EVERYONE ALRIGHT BACK THERE?!!" Charlie called over his shoulder. "FUCKING PEACHY!!!" Pyramid Head screamed back. Suddenly, King Henry leapt 20 feet into the air, soaring above them all like a bird of prey, and then he descended rapidly and landed upon Charlie's insectoid back with a dull thud. "HE'S ON YOUR BACK CHARLIE, HENRY'S ON YOUR FUCKING BACK!!!!" Endie howled hysterically, breathing rapidly and wheezing for air. Moreau hurled again out of panic, coughing hysterically before he stood tall and yelled, "FUCK YOU KING HENRY, I WON'T BE YOUR SERVANT ANY MORE!!!"
"YOUR WILLPOWER IS FALSE SALVATORE, WE ALL KNOW YOUR A STUPID, INSECURE NERD WHO'S MOTHER FUCKING HATES HIM!!!!" Henry snarled back with a malicious grin, his teeth becoming monstrously sharp and pointed as he taunted Moreau. "DON'T BRING MY MOTHER INTO THIS!!!!" Moreau screamed, shapeshifting into a gigantic, grotesque fish creature and leaping onto King Henry, where he began to savagely maul the medieval king. "MOTHER?!!!!" Gonzo howled manically, also leaping onto Henry and brutally attacking him. "GET HIS ASS!!!!" Charlie yelled over his shoulder, still running up the winding stairs. Pyramid Head also charged in, his fists flying as he punched the shit out of Henry. King Henry was powerful, but everyone's strength and raw fury combined stripped him of his otherworldly powers. He attempted to teleport, only moving a few feet, and reappeared beside Endie, who drew back his fist, poured all his endured trauma into his arm, and punched Henry in the face, breaking his nose on impact. Henry went stumbling back into Gru, bouncing on his gelatinous body like a trampoline and shooting over back into the claws of Moreau, who shape-shifted back into his regular form and throat-stomped Henry. "MAIM!!!!" Gru screeched gleefully. Suddenly, Charlie finally reached the top of the staircase and went galloping out onto the roof of the tower of London. Pyramid Head charged at King Henry and leapt into the air, turning horizontal as he jumped and kicking Henry in the stomach with both his feet. Henry stumbled back, lost his balance and went tumbling off Charlie's back, hitting the floor with a loud thud and a grunt of pain. Pyramid Head leapt down, landing beside Henry with a threatening boom as his boots made contact with the ground, and then he approached the cowering king, picked him up and performed the lethal wrestling move known as the tombstone piledriver on Henry, slamming him head-first into the stone roof of the tower. Henry buckled and collapsed to the floor, coughing up blood, and Moreau also clambered down off Charlie and grabbed the dishevelled king, hoisting him up, holding him sideways and charging at a smaller tower on the roof with a roar, driving King Henry's head through the stone like a battering ram before pulling him out, lifting him up and hurling him to the floor. "GO SALVATORE MOREAU, KICK HIS FUCKING ASS!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled encouragingly, and Moreau grinned and elbow-slammed Henry. Pyramid Head rushed forwards, leapt into the air and landed on Henry with both feet, crushing his ribcage, and Gonzo bounded forwards on all fours, grabbed Henry's nose with his teeth and ripped it off his face. "ENOUGH!!!!" Henry roared, staggering to his feet just as Moreau was about to bring a large stone down onto his head. "You have bested me," Henry admitted, clutching his broken ribs, "But this is not the end." With that, he turned into a flock of crows and flew away, vanishing into the horizon. "COWARD!!!" Pyramid Head yelled after him, before suddenly frowning and saying, "How is king Henry still doing his thing?!! His reign ended, like, two hundred fucking years ago!!!"
"I just wanna know how your strange little friend knew the exact second the mammoths would crash into the tower." Moreau pointed out, looking at Gonzo with mild caution. "I occasionally grant him temporary foresight." Gru smirked, patting Gonzo's lumpy, malformed head. Suddenly, an army of beefeaters and the swarm of mammoths poured out onto the roof, stampeding over to the charliemind gang. "HALT IN THE NAME OF THE KING!!!!" One beefeater screeched before being promptly crushed to death by a mammoth. "THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" Endie screamed. Guards began to pour out of the door onto the roof after the beefeaters and mammoths, and Endie howled in complete hysterical terror. Suddenly, Gru excreted some kind of horrific fleshy sack, which enveloped all the charliemind gang like a permeable cell membrane before solidifying to form a horrific bag of skin keeping the other five contained, and then Gru sprinted forwards and leapt off the roof, dragging all the others with him in the sack that was attached to his body. "OH MY GOD!!!" Endie screamed as they fell, everyone still trapped in Gru's hideous flesh sack. "WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Pyramid Head yelled. Gru sprouted fleshy wings and halted their rapid decent, soaring high into the sky on his horrific vein-streaked wings and carrying all of the others beneath him in his grotesque translucent flesh pouch. "Believe it or not this is, like, the seventh most disgusting thing I've experienced today." Moreau stated bluntly. Suddenly, Gru began to descend rapidly, nose-diving towards the earth like a thermonuclear bomb. Everyone screamed hysterically as the ground got closer and closer and then; Gru's horrific flesh bag burst above a lake like a giant balloon, and everyone went tumbling down into the murky water. Endie howled and teleported over to the slimy lakeside, collapsing in pain under a moss-covered willow tree and clutching the multitudes of third degree burns that now covered his body. Moreau swam to the surface and yelled, "PULL IN THE SAILS, HOIST THE ANCHOR, THROW THE COOK OVERBOARD-" Gonzo sank to the bottom like a stone as everyone else came to the surface, and Charlie realised what was happening, said, "Oh dear," with a hysterical grin, and dived down to go after him. Gru levitated about a foot off the surface of the lake and hovered over to land gracefully on the bank with a smirk, waiting for everyone else to clamber soaking out of the lake. Moreau was the first to come crawling out the lake like some hideous cross between the hunchback of Notre Dam and the creature from the black lagoon, coughing and dripping from head to toe. Next was Pyramid Head, who stomped angrily out of the water and opened the hole in his pyramid to let water drain out. Then Charlie came scuttling out onto the bank, dropping Gonzo on the shore and coughing hysterically as Gonzo flapped around on the floor like a suffocating fish. All of them were covered in seaweed and slime, and Pyramid Head looked around at the bleak, marshy, crooked village they'd found themselves in and yelled, "Gru, where the fuck are we?!! I've had it up to fucking here with swamps after camp Stinka-Shit-Gay, and this is exactly like that fucking camp except there's a shitty wooden village and more fucking fog!!"
"Hey, this is my hometown!" Moreau shouted happily, "I'd recognise this dump anywhere!"
"Gru, why are we in Salvatore's hometown?" Charlie asked with a bewildered smile. "Yeah you fucking sack, why did you bring us here?!!" Pyramid Head yelled at Gru angrily. Endie let out a groan of pain and Charlie realised how injured he was and pulled out his restoration gun. Gru smirked nightmarishly at Pyramid Head and Charlie and sprinted back into the marshy lake, vanishing from sight in the murky waters. "S-should I go after him?" Moreau asked. "No, leave him." Charlie sighed with a look of defeat as he restored Endie. Once everyone was back in one piece, they started into the town, minus Gru, who'd ran off into the lake. They were greeted by rows of rickety, wooden stalls lining the main street of the village, each one manned by either a single or a few people selling their simple goods to the other townsfolk. Most stalls were selling fish-related things, whether it was fresh fish to eat, lures, fishing rods or nets, this town seemed to have everything an aspiring-professional fisherman would need. Suddenly, a large salmon hanging up opened it's mouth, making Endie scream, and Gru oozed out of the fish's mouth with a grin and fell to the floor with a horrific splat. "Nightmare." Pyramid Head stated flatly. "Well, let's go check out what this town has to offer! A browse along these stalls looks fun!" Charlie grinned, starting off down the street. The other's shrugged and followed him, except Moreau, who lingered behind.

"What's the problem Moreau, don't like seeing all these dead fish around? Must look like a fucking slaughterhouse to you." Pyramid Head mused tone-deafly. "N-no, i-it's.... it's not that- wait, I'm a fucking fisherman, do you think I'm bothered by dead fish?!" Moreau asked bewilderedly. "Well what the fucks the matter then?!" Pyramid Head snapped. "It's..... it's just... there's someone who lives r-round these parts and I don't want him to see me- uh-" Moreau stammered nervously, ringing his little goblin hands. Pyramid Head tilted his pyramid in confusion as Charlie walked over and said, "What's the hold up guys?"
"WHAT'S GOING ON?!!" Endie called from further down the damp street market. "Nothing, continue looking at stalls with Gru and Gonzo, we'll catch up!!" Charlie called back, and Endie looked nervously at Gonzo and Gru and reluctantly went with them as they strolled off into the rickety stalls lining the cobbled street. "Right, what's going on?" Charlie asked, turning back to Pyramid Head and Moreau. "Yeah, come on Moreau, spill." Pyramid Head instructed bluntly. "See- uh.. s-see.... there's just..." Moreau stuttered. "FUCKING SPIT IT OUT!!!" Pyramid Head yelled. "There's this guy!!" Moreau cried, covering his face. "Wait.... don't tell me..... you fancy a guy who lives in this village?!!" Pyramid Head yelled gleefully, highly amused by this emerging situation. "Y-yes, but don't tell!!" Moreau hissed through his hideous webbed fingers. "I knew you were gay." Pyramid Head said triumphantly. "Good for you Moreau, expressing your feelings! Say, what made you catch feels?" Charlie asked with a smile. "He didn't scream when he saw me." Moreau replied. "That is painful," Pyramid Head stated bluntly, "Hey, point him out to me, I wanna see what kinda guy you're tryna hit on!"
"O-ok, if you promise not to t-tell him!!" Moreau stammered. "Ok." Pyramid Head lied delightedly. "We won't tell!" Charlie chimed in, elbowing Pyramid Head sharply. "W-well," Moreau began nervously, "That's him, o-over there. He's a fishmonger, he's behind the stall." Moreau stuttered out, trying to point inconspicuously to where the man in question stood. Pyramid Head gasped when he saw who Moreau was pointing to and yelled, "THE HOT BUFF ONE IN THE CAP WITH BLONDE HAIR AND A FISH-BLOOD-SAINED APRON?!!!"
"YES, SHUT UP!!!!" Moreau hissed, grabbing Pyramid Head by the shoulders and turning him away from the man. "Sorry Moreau, he may be obviously gay which is a plus for you but he's easily an eight, maybe even a nine. Absolutely a ten if I was drunk. You don't have a chance." Pyramid Head stated flatly, and Moreau covered his face with his hands and cried, "I knew it!!"
"Hold on, hold on, I'm sure we can't judge whether or not he'd give Moreau a chance based purely on looks! Moreau, go talk to him, you'll never know if you don't!" Charlie said with an encouraging smile. "I CAN'T I- I- Oh god!!" Moreau cried, hyperventilating as he rushed to the dock and threw up into the lake. "Oh yeah. He's an absolute charmer." Pyramid Head said to Charlie sarcastically.