Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Slug Clag

The only part of the slug that remained in one piece was the microwave, which popped open to reveal a plate of spaghetti. Papyrus began to hyperventilate with excitement. Suddenly, Sans teleported into the room and said, "Papyrus, I've been trying to track you down for days! I've only just managed to pinpoint your location because I mentally felt your spaghetti-induced hysteria."
"Hello, Sans!" Papyrus grinned happily, wiping some slug remnants and spaghetti sauce off his face. Sans suddenly caught sight of the decimated, liquified slug dripping off the operating table and said, "Looks like a homi-slime!"
"Sans that is awful, even for you!" Papyrus shouted. "Come on bro, that was a sludge-tacular pun!" Sans grinned. "Get a fucking grip, Sans!!" Papyrus yelled. Mettaton gasped theatrically and swooned, "Profanity!" Suddenly, a sharp knock sounded at the door and the voice of the man who owned the slug called, "Is everything alright in there? How's my little Fluffy doing?"
"This guy called a fucking slug 'Fluffy', he's got to be a fucking lunatic." Pyramid Head hissed. "What are we gonna do?!" Endie whispered frantically, gesturing to the decimated remains of the slug. "He's gonna fucking murder all of us if he sees it like this, quick, help me sculpt it's remains back into the shape of a slug!!" Pyramid Head hissed, desperately pushing and twisting the pile of gunge that used to be the slug in an attempt to make it appear vaguely slug-like again. Suddenly, the door opened and the man said, "Sorry, the door wasn't locked and I just wanted to check-"
"He's doing fine!!" Charlie yelled, rushing forwards and standing in front of the man to block his view of the slug. "Yeah, get the fuck out!!" Pyramid Head snapped, standing beside Charlie to further conceal the slug's remains. "Well, did you get the microwave out? Is he still choking?!" The man asked frantically, trying to peer behind Charlie and Pyramid Head, who kept moving to continue blocking his view. "Nope, it's not choking anymore." Pyramid Head replied, trying not to laugh. "Well can I see him?" The man asked, trying to push past. "No!! He's uh..." Charlie began, "He's, um..." Pyramid Head chimed in, "He's sleeping-"
"He's got a headache," Charlie and Pyramid Head clamoured at the same time, before glancing at each other and blurting out different things again, Charlie yelling, "He's got an upset stomach!!" And Pyramid Head yelling, "He's got an ingrown toenail that made him pass out!!" The slug owner looked at both of them in turn bewilderedly, and Charlie and Pyramid Head both sighed in defeat and announced in sync, "He's dead."
"WHAT?!!!" The slug owner shrieked, pushing past them into the room and letting out a horrified scream when he saw what remained of his slug. "You make a mean plate of spaghetti!" Papyrus grinned, finishing off the last of the microwave spaghetti. "Let's get out of here before all this agony turns to anger." Charlie hissed with a grin, and everyone legged it out the room, leaving the man clutching at the pile of slug clag and sobbing hysterically. "Oh my god, we killed a giant slug impersonating vets!! We'll get locked up for this!!" Endie cried as he ran. "What did he expect bringing a slug to a vets called 'Animal Massacre'?!" Pyramid Head snapped. An enraged howl echoed down the stairs, recognisable as the slug owner, and Charlie grinned hysterically and yelled, "The agony has officially turned to anger, run faster!!!" Everyone picked up their running pace, sprinting out of the vets and clambering back into the shitty car they'd stolen. Charlie, once again, didn't get in the car due to being too gigantic and yelled, "You know the drill guys, meet me at Monsieur Crepe Cafe, it's about a ten minute drive!! It should be far enough to loose slug man!!"
"You got it, Charlie!" Mettaton called as Charlie scuttled off with a wave, slamming his metal foot down onto the accelerator and giggling gleefully as the car went bombing down the road. The slug owner burst out the double doors to the vet, knocking both doors off their hinges as he stared down the road after the car the charliemind gang were in, his eyes glowing red. Then he began sprinting after the car faster than a cheetah trying to win gold in the olympics against an SSC Tuatara. "HOLY SHIT, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?!!!" Pyramid Head yelled as the slug owner began gaining on them. "FASTER, METTATON!!!" Papyrus shrieked, watching fearfully as the sprinting slug owner got closer and closer. "Papyrus darling, not in public!" Mettaton gasped homosexually, fluttering his special addition whore-length false eyelashes and flooring the accelerator. The slug owner fell behind them slightly but somehow continued to keep up with the car. Pyramid Head wound down his window and yelled, "LEAVE US ALONE YOU FUCKING MANIAC, NOTHING LASTS FOREVER, THAT FAT FUCKING SLUG WOULD'VE DIED ANYWAY!!! AT LEAST WE GAVE IT A QUICK DEMISE!!!"
"LIFE MAY NOT LAST FOREVER, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT DOES??!!" The slug owner yelled back as he ran, and Pyramid Head tilted his pyramid to the side in confusion. "DEATH, BITCH!!!" The slug owner concluded, producing a glock and beginning to shoot at the car. Pyramid Head pulled his pyramid back into the car and yelled, "HE'S GONE OFF THE FUCKING DEEP END!!!!"
"Gelatinous horror's landlord is irked." Gru snivelled gleefully. Gonzo stuck his head out the window and shouted, "BEEP BEEP, THE SLUG POLICE ARE UNHAPPY!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!! UNHAPPY SLUG POLICE!!!!"
"Asylum." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. The slug owner fired his gun again, and the bullet shot straight into Gonzo's open mouth and killed him instantly. "Guess he really bit the bullet, huh?" Sans smirked. Pyramid Head yanked Gonzo's limp form back into the car and said, "Charlie, get the restoration g-" He cut himself off when he remembered Charlie wasn't in the car, and threw Gonzo's corpse into the boot in defeat and yelled, "DOESN'T THIS SCRAP HEAP GO ANY FASTER?!!"
"Here dearest, you have to change the gear." Papyrus explained to Mettaton, pointing to the gear stick. Mettaton looked over at the gear stick, grinned like a simp in a brothel, and cracked it up to sixth gear, lifting his foot and then stomping as hard as he could on the accelerator. The car's engine roared, spluttered and then exploded, sending pieces of flaming debris raining all over the street like shrapnel. "Look what you've done to this beautiful car you incompetent imbecile!!!" Papyrus shrieked at Mettaton. "Who do you think you're calling 'incompetent', you're one to talk!!" Mettaton shouted back. "I guess you could say my bro's a real bonehead." Sans grinned. "This amazing, noble vehicle, massacred at your careless robotic hands!!" Papyrus continued, tearing up. "What did you expect with me behind the wheel?! I'm anarchic, deranged and gay!!" Mettaton yelled. "That's no excuse!! So am I and I can respectfully ride in a car!!" Papyrus screeched. "WELL I'M GLAD YOU CAN RIDE ONE MACHINE WELL!!!" Mettaton shrieked as everyone else watched eagerly. "THAT'S IT," Papyrus screamed, "I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!!!!"
"I DON'T CARE, I'VE BEEN TWO-TIMING YOU WITH 17 OTHER MEN ANYWAY!!!!" Mettaton howled with deranged fury. "O-OH YEAH WELL- WELL I'VE BEEN TWO-TIMING YOU WITH 20 OTHER MEN!!!!" Papyrus hollered. "OH REALLY, HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY THEM?!!!" Mettaton screeched. "I CAN'T REMEMBER, WHY DON'T YOU ASK THEM, THEY WERE ALL FRIENDS OF YOURS!!!! AND YOUR DAD!!!!!" Papyrus bellowed. "FUCK YOU, I DON'T HAVE A DAD!!!!!" Mettaton roared. Silence filled the car. Then Sans broke it saying, "Well Papyrus, Mettaton really knows how to vertebrake your heart! You may have told each other some fibulas! But neither of you found it very humerus!! Unlike me, I found it rib-breaking! Mettaton certainly gave you a pretty sternum mouthful, huh Papyrus? Shame you don't got the stomach for it-" Papyrus interrupted Sans' nonstop stream of puns with a howl of rage, attempting to punch Sans in the face. Sans, however, simply teleported out of the way, reappearing behind Papyrus and quipping, "Careful bro, that punch would've cause a real skullache if it had hit, then I would've had a bone to pick with you!"
"SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!! YOUR PUNS ARE FUCKING AWFUL!!!!!" Papyrus screamed. "Cheer up bro, I'm only trying to lighten the mood! I'm glad you've gone to the dogs before I have cause if the boot was on the other foot-" Sans began, only to be cut off by Papyrus, who yelled, "YOU'RE NOT LIGHTENING ANYTHING YOU NUMSKULL!!!!"
"Ha, numbskull. Nice one, bro." Sans grinned. Suddenly, a dull thud sounded, and everyone turned to see the slug owner pressed against the back window staring in at them all with a hateful scowl. "STEP ON IT!!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, and Mettaton slammed his chanel boot onto the accelerator and the car's decimated engine spluttered agonisingly back to life from beyond the grave, sending the car careening unpredictably down the road at warp speed. "Give me the wheel!!" Pyramid Head snapped, grabbing Mettaton and shoving him into the back seat before swiftly jumping across into the drivers seat. "LOOK OUT FOR THAT OLD MAN!!!" Endie shrieked, covering his eyes, and Pyramid Head swerved the car violently towards the elderly pedestrian crossing the road, missing him by millimetres. "Aw, shame I missed him, he would've made a nice splat." Pyramid Head mused. "OH MY GOD, SLUG MAN'S STILL CLINGING ONTO THE CAR!!!" Endie shrieked, noticing the slug owner still latched onto the back window glaring in at them, his wide eyes filled with pure, ungodly rage. Pyramid Head nearly ran over a group of schoolgirls and stuck his head out the window to yell, "Stop pretending you're going to school you drug addicts!!"
"I feel as though I've dipped my pinky toe into a parallel universe!" Gonzo chirped with an unhinged grin, somehow alive again. "Rob Keddy." Gru smirked knowingly. Suddenly, a fist smashed through the back window and the slug owner began to ooze in through the hole like an octopus. "OH MY GOD HE'S GETTING INTO THE CAR!!!" Endie hyperventilated. Pyramid Head slammed the breaks on and yelled, "EVERYONE OUT, WE'RE AT THAT 'MONSTER CRAP CAFE' OR WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED ANYWAY!!!" Everyone clambered over one another and scrambled out of the car before the slug owner managed to get in. Charlie stood waiting for them at the Monsieur Crepe Cafe's doors, and his face fell when he saw slug man bomb out of the car after the others. "Quick, in here!!!" Charlie yelled, holding open the cafe's doors. Everyone sprinted in, but, unfortunately for Mettaton, he trip over in his ludicrous high heels, and slug man grabbed him, picked him up and launched him into the sky. Mettaton shot up into the air like a nasa rocket and vanished in a small twinkle of light. "He'll be fine!" Charlie grinned, running into the Monster Crepe Cafe and slamming the doors before slug man could get in. "QUICK, BOARD UP THE DOORS!!!" Pyramid Head yelled, grabbing a table and dragging it over to block the entrance to the cafe. Everyone else burst into action, grabbing chairs and tables and stacking them up in front of the doors as the slug owner approached slowly and menacingly, his face cloaked in shadow. Endie collapsed to the floor having a panic attack, and Charlie knelt beside him and comforted, "Don't panic, I'm gonna get us all out of this little pickle here and then we can all move on with our lives."
"And then what?! Is it just gonna be this?!! Forever?!!" Endie cried, gesturing around, and Charlie's permanent smile faltered. Suddenly, the door flew off it's hinges sending the chairs and tables that had been stacked against it flying across the cafe, and the increasingly dishevelled slug owner stepped slowly but purposefully into the cafe, his expression one of nightmarish fury. He was holding a glock in each hand, and smiled menacingly as he said, "Tonight, you dine in hell." Then, with that, he began shooting both guns, stepping closer and closer to the charliemind gang. Everyone screamed, trying to dodge the bullets, except, obviously, Gru, who simply stood there with a sickening smirk as his mounds of fatty, pasty flesh absorbed every bullet that hit him leaving him completely unharmed. So far, no one had got shot except Gru, and Endie clung to Pyramid Head and screamed, "WHY DID WE HAVE TO KILL THAT SLUG?!!!"
"Why am I such a bad shot?!!!" The slug owner yelled, continuing to fire the guns at all possible angles except right in front of him, which is where everyone else had been cornered to and now stood pressed fearfully against the wall as if awaiting a firing squad. "Because you're American, and Americans are shit at everything." A voice said suddenly from behind the slug owner, and they all looked over to see medieval queen of England Anne Boleyn standing menacingly in the middle of the cafe pumping a barbell that would've made Arnold Schwarzenegger shit his pants. The slug owner span round to face her, his eyes glowing, and charged at her with a roar, firing his glocks like crazy. Anne Boleyn effortlessly deflected all the bullets with her barbell, and suddenly the guns' loud bangs were replaced with clicks, and the slug owner looked down and realised that he was out of bullets. He looked up, laughed nervously and said, "Hey, I make fake ID's! I can get you a new identity at a discounted rate, I know that king Henry's been giving you a hard time!"
"How about I give you a new identity?" Anne Boleyn replied, then she socked the slug owner across the face with her barbell with such force that he span round on the spot 3 times, his teeth flying everywhere like rubble out a tornado, before finally collapsing to the floor. "You can be a cheap carpet." Anne Boleyn concluded, walking over the slug owner to stand in front of the charliemind gang. She slowly stepped closer and closer, everyone backing away from her cautiously. Then, she opened her mouth and boomed, "GET THE FUCK UP YOU PATHETIC HAG-BORN DEMONS!!!!"
"Who the fuck ARE you?!!" Pyramid Head yelled back. "That's Anne Boleyn, wife of King Henry the Eighth and queen of England during the 1530's." Charlie explained with a smile. "What the fuck is she doing here?!" Pyramid Head yelled. "I'm here on a business matter," Anne Boleyn replied sharply, "And you're all coming with me."