Charlie(mind) 3: Oh my Fucking Shit.

Repercussions

Once they had all dragged themselves out of the underground pool, they huddled on the rocky shore in the cold, shadowy cave for warmth, forgetting about things like dignity and hatred of others. Even Pyramid Head joined the huddle. The only person that didn't was Gru, who giggled and lamented savagely, "Zis vater is under ze dirt, just like me vaiting for a postman; zat is not allowed! Ze vater shall have to be punished!"
"What the fuck are you rambling on about you distended fanny pack?!" Pyramid Head snapped. Gru, in response, waved a hand over the water's surface, and it vanished. As if the underground pool had never existed, all the water vanished completely in an instant. "W-what the fuck?!" Endie yelled. "You should be used to this by now." Pyramid Head stated bluntly. Moreau stood, walked to the edge of where the pool had begun, crouched down and whispered, "Oh my goodness I'm as crazy as my mother."
"MOTHER?!!!" Gonzo howled, leaping up like a spring, tearing off his own nose and hurling it down onto the floor in a fit of rage. "Gonzo, what the fuck is going on with you and your mom?! It's like every time someone mentions any word relating to mothers you loose your fucking mind!" Pyramid Head snapped. Gonzo threw up and passed out. "And I thought I had mommy issues." Moreau mumbled, eyeing Gonzo with visible concern. Pyramid Head suddenly realised that Gonzo and Moreau had both left the huddle, leaving only him and Endie, and he shoved Endie off himself, snapped, "Get away, whore," and walked over to stare into the pit where the pool had been with Moreau. Endie felt his heart beat to the rhythm of the song To The Bone and clutched his chest with a strained wheeze. "So.... how the fuck did we all just get abducted by a fucking flying bathtub?!" Pyramid Head shouted suddenly. As if on cue, Charlie teleported into the cave, his eyes wide and frenzied, and began, "Guys, I've got bad news!!"
"Is Donna and her mannequin ok? And Angie, the little psycho chucky doll, is she alright?!" Moreau asked frantically, ringing his skeletal hands. "Yes, the mannequin gave birth without complications and I got them all safely back to Donna's house before... shit went down." Charlie replied. "What happened?" Endie asked. "It's Heisenberg. King Henry and the slug owner are still after us, they tracked us here and stumbled upon injured Heisenberg, threatening to kill his family if he didn't help them. He was the one controlling the bathtub, he can move metal with his mind and that bath's made out of metal!" Charlie explained in a rush. "W-wait, where are Henry and slug man now? Can't you stop them?!" Endie asked, fighting back a panic attack. "They're searching around the reservoir for us, they're not as powerful as me and nowhere near as powerful as Gru, but I can't stop them and Gru.... well, it's Gru." Charlie replied. "Basically we're in deep shit." Pyramid Head stated flatly. "Why can't you stop them?" Endie asked. "I'm from the future and it would cause a paradox." Charlie explained. "W-what?! Like, you've always been from the future or have somehow only just switched places with your current self... or past self?! What the fuck!" Pyramid Head yelled bewilderedly. "I exist outside of time, you don't notice when I move between it, listen, it's not important!! What is important is that-" Charlie began, but was cut off as the roof of the cave exploded in a cloud of stone dust and fragmented pieces of rock raining down into the pit where the underground pool had been before Gru erased all the water from existence. Down through the gap, King Henry in the form of a flock of crows and the slug owner, who was levitating menacingly, floated down into the cave. Lastly, Heisenberg followed, floating on a piece of scrap metal that he was controlling with his metal-moving mind powers. "HEISENBERG YOU TRAIT-" Moreau began, only to cut himself off when he projectile vomited out of stress. "You have wronged us all!!" Henry, in the form of a flock of crows, boomed as he landed on a large rock in front of the charliemind gang and reformed into his usual humanoid form. "Hey! They didn't wrong me." Heisenberg snapped. "Silence!! Do you want your real family dead?!!" Henry boomed. "Y-you're gonna kill me?!" Moreau asked fearfully. "No, he means my real family! You know we're all adopted, right? Like, we're not really brothers by blood. Miranda isn't our real mother." Heisenberg called down. "W-WHAT?!!" Moreau shrieked. "How did you not know this?!" Heisenberg yelled. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" The slug owner howled, and everyone fell silent. King Henry cleared his throat and said, "Thank you, slug man." Then he turned to the charliemind gang and boomed, "Now.... you, foul band of creatures; you have wronged us both, and you shall pay for your crimes in blood!!"
"Oh shit, boss battle!" Gonzo grinned eagerly. Henry leapt off the rock, his boots thudding loudly as he landed right in front of the charliemind gang, and he reached into his cloak and pulled out two gigantic enchanted axes, their blades glowing red. Slug man levitated over to land beside Henry, and reached up to grip the sides of his own face. He pulled off the typical, garden-variety white guy face that he'd been wearing the whole time and revealed his true self; it was Colonel Sanders. "COLONEL FUCKING SANDERS?!!! W- HOW-" Pyramid Head yelled bewilderedly. "I wore that mask to stop people bothering me in public, being famous is a fucking nightmare, but when you killed my beloved pet slug Fluffy, I knew that in the end, I would battle you and reveal my true identity." Colonel Sanders explained. Everyone exchanged glances, including King Henry, who was still hanging around with his red axes. Then, Colonel Snaders raised his arms, his eyes glowing red, and boomed, "Veni ad me, digitus meus carnem bonam lambens!!!" His deep, rich voice echoed around the cavern, and for a moment, everything was still. Then, a faint rumbling began to shake the cave, growing louder and louder until a swarm of various pieces of fried chicken, such as drumsticks and wings, began pouring into the cavern through the hole the charliemind gang had created when they'd fallen through in the bathtub. They flew through the air like a swarm of angry bees and pooled around Colonel Sanders, still flying and swirling furiously around the colonel like a tornado, almost completely obscuring him from view, the only clue that he was still there being the piercing red glow of his eyes. Heisenberg managed to escape in all the chaos, flying off on his fragment of metal and vanishing through the gap in the roof of the cave. "Coward!!" Moreau yelled. Suddenly, out of the darkness of the cave, an army of reanimated fried chicken carcasses came bombing out of the shadows and joined the spiralling torrent of fried chicken pieces circling around Colonel Sanders, lining up like soldiers behind the colonel. Colonel Sanders laughed with uproarious malice, and King Henry grinned maniacally and boomed, "LET THE INEVITABLE BATTLE COMMENCE!!!" With a point of his hand, Colonel Sander's army of fried chicken charged at the charliemind gang, and King Henry went storming in, swinging his axes and howling manically. The first person he crashed into was Moreau, who he punched in the stomach and then went to chop him in half. Moreau threw up and then shape-shifted into his gigantic aquatic beast form before King Henry could butcher him, and whacked Henry back with his tail. Gonzo slipped in Moreau's vomit and fell backwards to the floor, and Henry stumbled over him and also fell to the floor with a howl of rage. Gonzo stood up and laughed manically, stealing one of Henry's axes and beginning to swing it like a serial killer, decimating all nearby pieces of living fried chicken. Meanwhile, Charlie screamed as the pieces of chicken climbed all over him, attacking him by punching, kicking and stabbing with miniature swords. He rolled on the ground, crushing the pieces of murderous fast food, as Pyramid Head and Endie kicked the pieces of chicken attacking them around like soccer balls. A whole fried chicken leapt at Pyramid Head and began stabbing at his torso, and Pyramid Head let out a roar of rage, ripped it off, threw it on the floor and began to punch the shit out of it. Meanwhile, Endie was overwhelmed, and fell screaming to the ground as he was buried beneath the swarm of homicidal fast food. Charlie whacked away pieces of chicken to create a pathway as he dodged an attack from King Henry and swerved to avoid rampaging Moreau, making it to where Endie was buried and trying to help him back to his feet. Gru was levitating in the air above the carnage like an unbothered god, any pieces of fried chicken that dared to approach him being instantly disintegrated as he observed the battle with an amused smirk. King Henry caught sight of Gonzo and grabbed him, snatching back his stolen axe before grabbing Gonzo by the throat and using the blunt end of his axe to pulverise his face. Pyramid Head pointed at Gonzo being pulverised and burst into laughter, before Moreau accidentally knocked him over as he barrelled past, devouring all the fried chicken in his path. When Pyramid Head sat up, he noticed Colonel Sanders hadn't moved, and still stood on a rock surrounded by a spiralling torrent of fried chicken. Determination filled Pyramid Head, and he marched through the fast food battlefield towards the colonel. "Where are you going?!" Charlie called, pulling a savage chicken carcass off his leg. "To cut the head off the snake!" Pyramid Head called back. King Henry suddenly let out a roar, absolutely enraged by Gonzo stealing his axe and the fact that, no matter how many times he whacked him in the face, Gonzo wouldn't stop laughing. He dropped both his weapons to pick up the muppet and crunch him between his palms like a coke can, blood and viscera spraying everywhere as Gonzo was mangled beyond recognition. "How does he bleed, isn't he a puppet?!" Endie yelled, teleporting around and using a baseball bat Charlie had regurgitated to punt the attacking chicken away whenever they tried to latch on and maul him. "YOU'RE REALLY QUESTIONING THAT AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!!" Pyramid Head yelled, still clawing and punching his way through the savage swarm of fried chicken. King Henry stretched Gonzo out again, shoved a pudgy hand into his mouth, and tore out his entire skeleton, leaving Gonzo's skin a floppy, shapeless shell. He then proceeded to crush Gonzo's skeleton in the same manner he'd crushed his body between his hands until every bone was broken, then grabbed Gonzo's skin and shoved the skeleton back in. Gonzo, who was now immortal due to being akin to Gru's apprentice and granted otherworldly powers by him, was still alive, and drew in a horrific, raspy breath, before coughing and choking on his own femur. "That's what you get for crossing the king!!" Henry roared, and Gonzo simply laughed tauntingly in response. "STOP LAUGHING!!!! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!!!" Henry howled, picking up Gonzo's mangled form and hurling it across the fried food no man's land. Gonzo hit a rock and fell to the ground in a mutilated, unrecognisable pile of gore, though he was still laughing hysterically at the obese ginger monarch. "STOP FUCKING LAUGHING!!!!!!" Henry boomed, his face turning purple and the veins in his temples and neck bulging. Moreau went bombing past and, on the way, he grabbed both of Henry's discarded axes with the limbs on his mouth torso and began butchering the chicken army with even more efficiency. Colonel Sanders had realised that Pyramid Head was attempting to reach and maim his human form, and was now summoning giant empty KFC buckets from the ground in an attempt to trap him. Pyramid Head, however, was simply cutting through the paper buckets with his massive knife, and the colonel began to grow more panicked and yelled, "STOP HIM, MY ARMY OF FRIED FAST FOOD FLESH!!!! STOP HIM!!!" All the pieces of living fried chicken around him doubled their attack efforts, new items of fast food also joining in an attempt to halt Pyramid Head. Pyramid Head was bruised and bleeding by the scale of the attack, but he didn't slow down, storming through the colonel's chicken army towards the bloated silver-haired man himself. King Henry turned to collect his axes and screamed when he saw they had vanished, looking around frantically to realise that Moreau had stolen them. "NOOO!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!" Henry howled, his face going such a dark shade of purple it was almost black as his veins and tendons everywhere bulged like they were trying to escape his fat form. "Take this, you fat bastard!!" Moreau yelled back, shapeshifting back into his more humanoid form and sticking his grotesque bare asscheeks in the air at the monarch, giggling tauntingly before running off with Henry's axes. Henry's face began to bleed, his pores leaking blood with rage as his veins bulged at an alarming rate and looked like they were about to burst through his sweat-drenched skin. Blood gushed from his eyes as his body began swelling, growing larger and larger as he howled out, "NO, NO, NO!!!! MY AXES- THE LAUGHTER- I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT!!!!!" His voice became muffled, drowned out as his head sunk into his rapidly swelling body, and Pyramid Head stopped dead in his tracks to scream, "HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM?!!! IS HE TRANSCENDING?!!!"
"No!! This is something else!!!" Charlie yelled in response, taking a step back as King Henry continued inflating like a giant royal flesh balloon. Even Colonel Sanders looked bewildered, watching as King Henry pulled a Violet Beauregarde. Finally, the monarch let out a last muffled scream of rage and agony before he exploded with a tremendous boom, sending blood and viscera raining down all over the cave.