Marvel x Reader Oneshots

Loki - The Eldest Maximoff Part 1 - Angst

TW- Self harm and depression/anxiety.

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Your POV

It was happening all over again, I couldn't breath. I was just sitting at the table with the Avengers for dinner like we do most nights, but Tony asked a question I didn't want to answer.

"What's up with the hoodie and leggings kid? It's 85 degrees outside." I played with the ends of my sleeves nervously. I joined the Avengers with my younger sister Wanda after Sokovia. After hearing about the death of my little brother I kind of went nuts and sent Tony through the window and barely blocked a punch from the hulk. I gave myself the super soldier serum after stealing it from Hydra, trying to find the twins when they joined Hydra. After realizing that they were helping the Avengers of their own accord, Fury said I should join the team so I waited at the compound for everyone to return. Since then I have plummeted into a state of anxiety and depression. Loki, though irritating, has been the one I can talk to about this. He just doesn't know the extent of it.

"Kid? You there?" Tony asked. I looked up to see everyone staring at me. Wanda was trying to enter my mind but the mind barrier Loki put up for me was preventing her.

"I don't know who this kid is. I'm 27 after all." Everyone resumed eating thinking everything was normal by my comment. "And if you must know... it's comfortable and I'm not going outside." Tony shrugged it off and I cleared my plate, barely touching my food. I'm trying to cover the anxiety I am feeling but catch Wanda looking at Loki. I sneak off to my room as quickly as I can and lock the door. I try to make it to the bathroom but my knees buckle.

"Breath... please breath..." I gasp to myself. "They don't know... they can't know..." After hyperventilating on the floor for who knows how long I get myself up and go to my bathroom locking the door.

——

Loki's POV

She barely ate anything I noticed as she left and something didn't seem right with her. She has been avoiding me seemingly and seems to be hiding something. Once my gaze met Wanda's I knew something was wrong. She didn't penetrate the mind shield I placed on Y/N but she has the same worry in her eyes that I do. I didn't even clear my plate as I took off after her. I teleported to her door and knocked. When there was no answer I busted it open and that's when I heard sniffling.

"Darling? Are you in there?" I asked and I heard quick scurrying but I didn't giver her enough time. As I opened the door I saw my worst nightmare. The dagger I gave her and been training her with was being used to hurt herself. She looked terrified and hid her arm behind her back. Blood dripped from the dagger and I slowly approached her. "Let me see." She shook her head tears in her eyes. I gently took the dagger from her and went for her arm.

"No!" She sobbed out and there they were, the cuts. Some old and some new. She shrunk away from me like I would yell at her and she was shocked when I just pulled her into a hug.

"Darling... I just want you to be ok. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked and she continued to sob in my arms.

——

Your POV

"I'm so sorry..." I kept sniffling and sobbing as Loki started to heal my wounds and scars with his magic. He gave me a sad smile.

"Love there is nothing you need to apologize for. Your feelings are completely valid." When Loki finished healing my wrist he kissed where only a few scars remained. "Just... why?"

"Pietro... I failed both of my siblings. I'm supposed to take care of both of them. That's what it means to be an older sibling." Loki looked up at me. His eyes held so much kindness. I still don't understand why he wouldn't show everyone this side of him. "But I failed Pietro the most... he is dead because of my failure to protect them, be there for them. Not to mention the pain of losing him. I wanted, even for a second, to feel something different... to not feel the pain that's drilling a hole in my chest." Loki cupped my cheek. I lean into it and sigh softly. When I met his gaze I blushed a little.

"Why not come to me or the man of iron? I'm sure Wanda could help you too." Loki had a point I could have gone to them. I just shook my head and smiled at him, I felt the pain in my chest grow as I felt the tears fall.

"I rely on all of you so much. I'm supposed to have it together. It's what being an older sibling is about. You have it together, you help take care of the family, and you definitely aren't supposed to be a burden." Loki looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Who told you that coming to us for help would be a burden." Loki asked me.

"I did." Loki's eyes went wide and he pulled me close to him. I gulped. He can't know of my crush can he?

"Please darling... let me... us... in. You lost your brother after working so hard to find your siblings. You didn't get to see him before he died. No one is expecting you to be ok. It's ok to not be ok." I felt the tears fall from my eyes. He squeezed me slightly as I sobbed.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore..." I sobbed out. Loki began shushing me and then he picked me up bridal style, taking me to the bedroom.

——

Loki POV

I tucked her into her bed. My heart was breaking for her and I didn't know what I could do to make her feel better. She whimpered as I laid her down and as I went to shut off her bathroom light she gripped my wrist.

"Please stay..." She whimpered out. My heart leapt in my chest. "S-s-sleep with me?" She seemed so frail for a super soldier. With a waive of my hand I turned off all the lights and crawled in beside her. I changed her hoodie and into my sleep wear with my magic as she curled up to my chest. This woman, after being so accepting of me, despite my misgivings, despite being a frost giant, and despite my tricks has captured my heart. She could sit for hours with me and read. She would watch as her little sister and I would train together with a look of awe on her face. She made me feel comfortable in my Jotun form. Not to mention how easily she could shut Stark down.

"I will stay as long as you need me too." I whisper into her hair as she nuzzles into the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist. She has gotten smaller since I have seen her but I know she eats. Dinner tonight was the only time he saw her not eat. I kiss the top of her head, her hair smelling of honey and roses.

"Loki?" She whispered. She moved a little to look up at me as I looked down to her. She had the slightest blush on her cheeks. Could she really feel the same way I do for her? I shove that thought aside, I need to be here for her right now.

"What is it darling?"

"Thank you." She nuzzles back into me and falls asleep soundly.