The Aftermath of Callie and Arizona

Some Things Happen for a Reason Part II

Callie's POV:

I'm sitting in my office at the hospital, staring out the window. I should be working, but I can't seem to focus today. I have charts that need to be closed out, emails to respond to and a mountain of other paperwork that I suddenly don't want to do. Instead, I'm just staring out the window and marveling at how Fall has decorated the city in vibrant oranges, reds and yellows. Yesterday was probably the last day to admire the foliage as it started pouring rain about 30 minutes ago. After living in Seattle, I'm very familiar with how rain can erase the brightly, colored, leaves off trees in record, soggy, time. 

As I continue to let my mind drift even further into my thoughts, I couldn't help but think about Seattle, the hospital, all my old friends, the places I've missed going to and of course, Arizona. I've noticed lately, I think about her more and more. Funny thing is, the thoughts I now have about her are only happy and usually the fun memories. 

As we've been apart, I have managed to let go of my anger regarding her and our relationship. I didn't even realize I had that much anger, until it slowly went away. Looking back, I think I just needed time to process everything we went through. I never did give Arizona that chance to let me work through all the grief we suffered before I ended things that day by walking out of the therapist's office.

Part of me has begun to wonder as I continue to make sense of my feelings, emotions and actions, if I ended things too quickly with Arizona? If I hadn't moved on so fast with Penny, hadn't decided to move 3000 miles away, or, had dealt with my anger in a healthier fashion... would we still be together or reconciled by this point? Arizona really seemed like she had come around by our last therapy session, but my anger with her had eclipsed me truly seeing her progress.

I, er, we, both have a connection to one another that nobody will ever have with either of us. I know that and I'm pretty sure Arizona feels like that too. While I do love Penny, it's different than the Love I shared with Arizona. As I continue to day dream, I cannot help but wonder if Arizona is seeing other people. If she has been, she has never mentioned it to me. Knowing her, she's not ever going to say anything unless she gets serious and it somehow involves our daughter. She is a wonderful co-parent and is always looking out for Sophia. For someone that didn't originally want to be a Mama, she was made for the job. 

I'm not even sure how long I drifted off with my thoughts, but was jarred back to reality by my cell phone alert chime. Penny had just texted saying she was taking a night off and wanted to know when I'd be home. We rarely commute together since our schedules generally seem to be opposite of one another. After looking at the clock on my cell, I realized I had let the better part of an hour slip-by as my mind started to reflect on my thoughts about Arizona and the past. I felt a pang of guilt hit my heart as I quickly responded to Penny's text.

"I will be leaving in the next 10 minutes. Do you want me to pick-up Chinese food or something else?" I replied back to Penny.

"I'm happy with whatever you want to have. Sophia is at Abby's house tonight for a sleepover so the more quiet time we have, the better. I'd like to focus on you tonight and not making dinner or doing dishes," was Penny's response.

"Okay, I will pick-up Chinese and some wine and see you soon."

"😘❤️ XOXO," was her response.

As I grabbed my purse, keys and trench raincoat, I was struck by a comment Penny made in her texts. What did Penny mean by, "...the more quiet time we have, the better?" What was she insinuating about Sophia? My daughter is a generally a well mannered child. Sure, all kids have their moments, but overall, she's a very good kiddo. I know all moms are supposed to say that, but in this case, it's true. Was Penny trying to say she didn't care for Sophia? Or that Soph is loud? Or was it her way of voicing her displeasure about the fact Soph lives with us pretty much full-time?

By the time I grabbed the food and wine, this Mama Bear had worked herself up into an angry frenzy. As a result, I'm pretty sure I entered the apartment baring my fangs, claws and ready to do battle in order to protect my daughter. Not my best moment, but I'm know I've mastered the art of reacting quickly in moments of passion or anger. Personally, I'd much rather be on the passionate side of my impulsivity and not the anger side.

The die was already cast as I stepped in the front door and slammed it as hard as I could behind me. Penny looked up from the couch with a stare of confusion and fear...