The Aftermath of Callie and Arizona

Back to Reality Part II

Callie's POV:

Penny started speaking first, in the darkness, of that early Monday morning. It wasn't raining, but the wind had picked up that night and was making whistling noises as it raced through the trees, the buildings and the general chaos that is, NYC.

"Callie, I'm sorry my research has taken me away so much the last few months. After our fight,  spending this last week alone, I realize that now."

"It doesn't feel like you're trying anymore in this relationship, Penny." I waited for a reaction, but got nothing, despite the combative nature of my sentence.

"I am just as guilty, I suppose, for expecting you to make all the changes to fix us." I was laying on my back, looking up at the ceiling, as I kept rambling on.

I was thrilled, though, thanks to the darkness, Penny couldn't see the deep hurting that was probably reverberating, from my eyes. I was fully aware of our level of hurt and disconnect and was beginning to wonder if this relationship would ever truly, work out.

"Are you going to break-up with me?" I sensed Penny, was close to tears, by the way her voice was wavering when she asked the question.

"No, I want to work on us. I've had time to cool off and think while I was in Seattle. Believe it or not, it was Arizona that helped me to see the role I play in this relationship too. She encouraged me to make my own changes and give this a chance. Are you willing to make some changes yourself? Otherwise, I can't do this anymore. By the way, Dr. Webber offered me the Ortho Chief position at Grey Sloan last week."

"Are you going to take the job in Seattle?"  Penny sounded like she was going to hyperventilate at any second. Definitely, this is the phase before the tears start pouring down someone's face. 

Thanks to Arizona, I think I have all the phases of crying down, pat.

Sigh, just thinking about Arizona started to make my heart race and my lady parts tingle. I was thinking about our kiss and all the other physical moments we shared last week...

Why was I having these thoughts about Arizona, though? At the same time I'm trying to patch-up my relationship with Penny, I am having fantasies about having sex with Arizona... there is seriously something wrong with me.

"Callie, did you hear me? Are you going to take the job in Seattle?" Penny snapped me back to the moment in our bed and stopped my mental fantasies about ripping Arizona's clothes off and having my way with her.

"I don't know yet, I want to see what happens with us in the next couple of weeks before I make any big decisions." I wasn't trying to be cold, but my words probably came across that way.

Penny started sobbing, uncontrollably. Nonetheless, she rested her head on my chest in order to coax me into holding her. 

I know I can be pragmatic with how I look at the world, but not even I, can stand by, while a girl cries on me. I wrapped my arms around the redhead that was leaking snot and tears all over my shirt that early morning. 

Great...

"Penny, I just need to know that you are going to make changes and I promise you, I will make changes too. I know you are busy, but I need you to make time for me in your busy life, or what was the point of me moving here? To spend most days and nights alone?"

"I know," Penny had slowed her tears down a little. "It's not fair to you , I know and I promise I'll be better about finding any amount of time that I can with you. 

"I love you, Calliope and just want you to love me back." Penny was still whimpering, as she responded.

I kissed the top of her forehead, before getting up to grab the tissue box from the bathroom.

"Here ya go, dry your eyes off and let's get some sleep, shall we? I'm on West Coast time and that alarm clock is going to ring in the next 4 hours. Tomorrow, is going to be a long day for me."

"How was your trip? You haven't said anything about it. What did you think of Arizona's girlfriend? What did you guys do? How was Sophia?" Penny had started peppering me with a multitude of questions.

"It was good and nice to see some of the hospital staff at the beginning of the week. Arizona organized an outing at Joe's and most of my friends managed to show up at some point."

"How nice of Arizona to organize that for you." Penny sounded a bit cold when she spoke.

"Actually, Arizona did a lot of thoughtful things throughout the week for me, so did her girlfriend, Renee. They made sure I was well cared for. It felt nice to feel that important and appreciated. It's been awhile since I've felt so loved."

"Did you and Arizona do anything that should give me concern? I can't place it, but something seems different about you, Callie. It is a displaced feeling, but it feels like I've lost a part of you somehow in the last week." I could hear the concern in Penny's voice, but tried to play it off.

"Gosh, No! Nothing happened, besides, Arizona is happily dating and living with Renee. Why would she hit on me? Do you think that little of Arizona, that you would accuse her of trying to steal me back?"

"Unbelievable, just unbelievable. I know you are jealous of Arizona and my parenting-relationship with her, but c'mon! I missed being in Seattle, that's all." 

I was clearly lying to Penny, as little things did happen with Arizona during the trip. But instead of being honest, I jumped to the rescuing my ex-wife's honor instead.

"I have never felt like I rank on the same level as Arizona in your mind or your friends and family's minds. Callie, I have always felt like your second choice." Penny commented back.

I was truly at a loss for words when Penny said that. Nobody should ever compare apples to oranges, but in the scheme of relationships, in my heart, Penny was right. My relationship with Arizona had defined what I expected all my relationships to be like going forward, even though it was an unrealistic expectation to have from anyone else, other than from Arizona.

"Penny, I think it's early, we're tired and we should get some sleep." I didn't want to comment back to the can of worms Penny had just opened with her dialogue.

We both quietly rolled over to face away from one another. I don't know about Penny, but I pretended to fall asleep, even though, I spent the rest of the morning in a whirl of confusion about what to do regarding Arizona and Penny.

Regardless of my relationship status, I was starting to feel more stress about what to do with my career path... a wise person once told me I should, "Follow My Heart," regarding one decision. 

I now think, that was good advice, in general...